I don't know if "midlife crisis" can be firmly defined, but I do know that most of the people I've known go through a period of evaluating their life and sort of asking, "Is this it? Is this really all there is?" There is also a sense of desperately clinging to youth.

For many, that may mean seeking "more" from an affair, or for others, just leaving a marriage that hasn't been fulfilling - particularly if kids are grown or mostly grown. I also know this is a time when a lot of women re-enter the workforce and/or change careers or go back to school, and when a lot of men start seriously looking into retirement options.

There often seems to be a strong desire to reclaim youthfulness. It's not uncommon for someone going through this "evaluation of life" to buy fast cars, expensive toys, date younger people, get into the "party scene", plastic surgery, hair pieces or plugs, wearing fancier/flashier/more revealing clothing, or suddenly trying to get chummy with friends who are much younger in order to FEEL younger.

I've also known people who suddenly want to have children (if they haven't yet) or have more - a second family (even if they are still married to their first spouse.) That seems to be a really common one among a lot of my friends - they'll have teenagers and suddenly decide they need two more kids, even though they're in their early 40's and their first set of kids are (or are near) moving out on their own.

I think we all go through stages where we evaluate our lives and wonder "have I done all I can?" or "have I lived a fulfilling life?" but that doesn't mean we all are idiots about it. A lot of good can come out of these times of reflection, if one puts his or her mind to it. I think a lot of destruction can come out of it, too, if there's this frantic "need to be fulfilled" since it often comes at the expense of everyone around rather than with the hard work and determination of the person wanting change.

at age 50, my mortality is something i didnt consider during my earlier-life-crisis

back then it was realizing what i wanted, wasnt really what i wanted, and so i shook my own life up and started finding what i did want

these days i'm very conscious of the second half of my life and really wanting it to contain those things i havent provided for myself

i want to be able to feel on my deathbed that i didnt waste my opportunity to live a fulfilling life, and loving relationships is part of that for me

i would imagine thats not unfamiliar thinking for a whole slew of people, those in crisis, and those who stay in their present circumstances

For me personally - I have pretty much done and completed everything I have ever wanted to do (personally).

I only want to see my children do well and be there for them and help them to be better boys/men.

I'm not saying that if some maricle happened and I win the lottery I would do more traveling and providing better for them - but besides that. Just making sure I can be there for my boys. I don't need cars or material things or anything else. I drive a prius and try to save money on gas.

I only just need my boys and see them grow up.

I don't recall having any desire to cling to youth, I was aging well and proud of my well earned grey hairs. But when I got involved with the OM I smiled more, laughed more, which made me seem less serious and younger I guess because people were guessing my age at 15 years less than reality. It wasn't something I consciously sought out but, when I got it, was pretty heady stuff and became part of the addiction. And the OM was hung up on his age and wanting to be seen with younger women, so I played it up to play along.

Outside of that mess, I still feel good about aging, I like my grey hair...good thing, cuz it's coming in fast now. I'm happy with our very modest life and wouldn't change much other than wishing to be more connected to my husband. That sense of connection was all I ever wanted...mid-life just made me painfully aware that it hadn't happened yet.

thats an interesting point fiber - my STBX would say a lot of the times that she felt old - always talking about her age and about her looks etc.

I am 1 year older then my STBX - her awesome AP is 10 years older - I guess she felt younger around this jackass - him being older.

I suppose my husband was conveniently in mid life crisis because the APs which I knew of were all nearly half his age.

He likes women with perfect physiques, like what I had. I do take care of myself and although Im no longer slim nobody would consider me fat either, but that may not be enough for him. I had a six pack before kids but I only have a one pack now (lol!) He still has his six pack (was never pregnant), not because of working out but just because of genes. Plus hes tall and handsome, so I suppose he may have felt entitled to young girls due to his looks/physique. If I want a six pack now Ill have to grab a six pack of beer!

It is one of the things that I consider as we move forward, because even though he says he wants to grow old with me I dont know how old will be intolerable for him. When Im 65 or 70 (hes a few yrs older) I may just be too old for him. How unfair.