kristi~ dont see what the fuss is either.. just silly I tell ya.. lol.. Whatever! :P

I have heard of it also, Ive also heard of being a sex addict, think its just another label , after all that has happened I beginning to think there are two types of people ones who cheat ones who don't, there is no excuse, why is that they are only sorry when they get busted and start begging for forgivness when some of these affairs days, weeks, months , years, it'so only when it's out in the open that they are sorry , they are sorry that they got caught and now their comfort zone is gone ,My H got hit with 1200 a month in child support, (Hes sooo sorry) half the mortgage payment(He knows what he wants now , his family)he pretty much walked out the kids and I and i had just lost my job, when I found out the day after about ow, this was three months ago, no he is sorry, well she dosent want him now because he is living with his sister and is broke, so I don't believe in the madonna whore syndrome or being a sex addict, they knew the whole time what they were doing was wrong, so you can't use these defenses, I had a friend who's H was sleeping half of the army base in Alaska and a therapist labeled him a sex addict so now he thinks of it as an illness , so he's not in the wrong, come on !!!!

crazymoon,
I agree with most of what you are saying. There are people that cheat and people that don't. My counselor has only come up with these labels because I just keep asking why and how this could have happened. And why someone who I thought loved me had a secret life outside our marriage. I think she was just trying to make me understand that this happens so often in marriages. I agree with her and especially after being on DS, I see that she is right. Putting a label on it doesn't make it any better but it does make me understand a bit better.

Men are always coming up with excuses as to why they cheat. HELL if he looks at you that way then maybe he needs to go home to MOMA!

My therapist thinks he wanted to keep me as his protected, sweet, unharmed partner (we did have good sex i have to say though less frequent once the A began) .

BUT she thinks he did all his bad outlet things : compulsive gambling, drinking, smoking pot (i learnt of this one 2 days ago), fighting/arguing etc with the OW.

Why? Well for a start we have the same name!
She said that is no co-incidence, she also said she does believe he believes (got that? lol) that he does really love me and doesn't love her, she was his depression/escape downward spiral.

I told him she is part of the darkest part of his life, he was suicidal over it all.

Shame he didn't come to me....We are in tatters still, i love him but still don't know if we can reconcile later..

Why do they refer to this as the "Madonna Whore Syndrome."
Is Madonna a whore? lol

Honestly, I don't believe men have any deep psychological issue for cheating. Speaking of the Madonna/Whore syndrome, I worked as a stripper for a long, long time. we're talking years and years and in 2 major cities. One of my personal missions was to find out why men cheated, so when I was busy chatting up the married or attached guys (which was like 70%) I would point blank ask them why they went to a strip club or why they cheated. I never heard one, not one man, say that he was there and cheated because of some deep reason. All of them, and do mean ALL of them in all the years of my stripping told me that they wanted a different female body to have sex with. Their words were, "I like variety", "you get bored with the same girl", "she gained weight, but I still love her", "I like do it with hot girls", "I'm a man we like sex with a lot of women", "it's natural for men, we're here to spread our seed", "my wife's beautiful but I just need something different", "my wife just had a baby and she's not having sex lately and I have needs", or the classic "men like to f--- women, what do you mean why am I here?" Most guys would say, "Hey, if it's only one time with a girl and there's no emotion then it's not cheating. My wife shouldn't be mad at that." And if by chance the guy said his wife was too tired to have sex and I'd suggest a nanny he'd say it was too expensive and then spend $200 on me or another stripper. What I'm saying is that I don't believe any of these therapists. I think a man cheats simply because he wants a new body. End of story. I did once know a man who said he cheated because his wife was too controlling and he didn't know how to talk to her. He is now divorced and known to his friends for his womanizing. I've never been married and I can't imagine what this must be like for you after being with the same man for so long. But don't let the therapist get you down with this "mother" thing. I think the real fault lies with your husband. Don't get too deep about it, somewhere along the line he forgot to think about your feelings, and the importance of keeping faithful to this marriage. It's his flaw, his lack of consideration. I mean really, after 38 years I'm sure he's not the same Prince Charming that swept you off your feet, but I doubt you'd hurt him by meeting more powerful and affluent men on the internet to give you some excitement. I can't really say to leave, because 38 years is long time, but I can say don't blame yourself and don't let this therapist de-sexualize you with this "mother" thing. Your husbands probably fine having sex with, but now he's just not stopping himself from following a desire to have sex with someone else. It's on him.

Oh wow, this is a two year old post. At the time I had just recently found out about my H's mid life crisis and was in search of a reason why. Our therapist threw this term "Madonna Whore Syndrome" out there. It seemed at the time that he had two different personalities or lives...with me he was a good husband, father, loving, caring etc., but his other life was spent with these whores that he met on the internet who were unhappily married. The term as I remember it applies to someone who puts their wife on a pedestal and thinks of them as a nurturing, good person not necessarily equating them with sex and lust. He found this elsewhere with the "whores." I guess it applied to him..who knows. I think it was closer to the "Big Fat Stupid ASS symdrome." We have moved on and are still together. Just call me Madonna.

lovelyleo, I hope you don't believe that all men behave the way the men you met in strip clubs act. You'd definintely be getting a skewed perspective of men if that is the only place you "interviewed" men. For the record, not ALL men think that way. There are men that are very committed to their wives and family and would never consider cheating.

I wonder what excuses the women that frequent male strip clubs and meet men on line use to justify their infidelity?

It's not true for me.

I would treat any woman I love like a whore.

Thanks for all the new advice but like I said this is an old post that somehow got resurrected. This happened two years ago and looking back on it, yes, he probably did suffer from this along with twenty other symdromes which all comprised his mid life crisis. Now...mid life crisis I know for a fact that this does exsist..my H was a poster boy for that. Somehow we made it through and I live to tell about it. Blindside..liked that comment

Blind, you made me laugh! lol