Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I have been with my H for 15 yrs married for 11. I discovered he started cheating a year into being married. My initial discovery was from a message on FB from the boyfriend of one of his partners. At this point I thought it was only her and 14 months of cheating.
I have him chance after chance to come clean about everything telling him that we could rebuild on a firm foundation but every lie chips away a piece of my heart. We went thru his lies about everything to do with his affairs for another 3 years. I became the investigator.... And got really good!
My findings were 8 partners (3 were long term emotional, physical and financial affairs) over a 5 year period and he spent$94K on those 3 long term relationship partners.
His claims it was because he missed me. We both worked a lot because we had just bought property and custom built a home.
Now for my questions.....
I warned him that my feelings for him would be damaged if I kept finding his lies. We get along great and have fun together but I no longer see him as a husband. Our once great sex life has gone from every day to maybe once a month and only satisfies him. It wouldn't bother me if he left or asked for a divorce..... As I have asked for several times and he says he isn't ready to give up on us because he never knew how much he did love me until now.
I can feel myself slipping further away daily because there is no talking emotionally about anything... Yes, I have asked to many times to count and he always says change takes time. We only talk about work, home stuff and politics. I no longer feel that emotional connection that makes me want to sit close or be physical with him.
I'm afraid there is just to much damage to recover from.
*** A little insight..... No protection, met one of the girls family and friends (bought her daughter $500 with of Christmas presents, sex in my home, my bed, my RV, an std, shipping sprees, dinners, bought them the same gifts he bought me1 miscarriage and 1 DNA test...not his. Bought one a car. Paid their bills....all the while he had a heart attack in the middle of his affairs and I was left with all the bills while he was off work so I almost had to file bankruptcy and he continued with 401k loans , bank loans and cash advances to support them.
Please help!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
I am sure this is not the life you wanted to have. Unfortunately, HE chose to do this to you and your marriage. No, he won't change. You can not change a person.
The "nice" things he is saying to you is for a couple reasons. He will lose a lot of money in the divorce. He would rather keep his money and you are now his "side chick".
How mad are you that he spent all that money on other women, money that is half YOUR money?!
You should consult with a divorce attorney (the consultation is free, and you can do it by video chat, phone, etc). Gather up all the evidence you have on his infidelities. You are entitled to a lot of money. Spousal support, do you have kids (more money for you in child support), the house, his retirement account, etc.
Please know you did nothing wrong. He CHOSE to do these things. He has been cheating throughout the whole marriage and... isn't enough is enough?? Is this the kind of husband you always dreamed of having? I don't think it is.
You deserve so much better. You can make a much better life for yourself. I am glad that you reached out on this site. It shows that you are fed up, too, and that you DO want a better life for yourself. But, he won't be in it.
Start with a divorce attorney and a therapist. You are strong, you can do this. This is YOUR life and you deserve so much better than this.
My heart hurts for you - reading your words, knowing the devastation you are feeling, and the uneasiness of the future ahead. Ask yourself these questions. What has he done to fix the hurt in your marriage? What actions has he taken to show you that he is getting help for this problem, counseling... etc? Has he tried to make you feel safe? Has he given you full access to social media accounts, his cell phone, his email, etc. etc.? Have you asked any of these things from him in the past when you had these discoveries? I know it is so very hard and you are in no way responsible for his poor choices and hurtful actions. As others have said, I would recommend that you see a counselor and get some free legal help. With that being said, I believe everyone is capable of change and that marriages can be healed, but you cannot allow yourself to be taken advantage of. He has done some major damage and from the glimpse you have given it does not sound like he has put in the work to heal your marriage, so of course you would not feel close to him and be slipping away.. it is only natural. Do you have anyone you can confide in? I hope you have someone in your corner.
It is really rare that anyone has a completely clean life, where everything is super simple, super easy and super clear... it rarely exists where we do not have some kind of mess in our lives. Please know that you are not alone in your brokenness, you are not alone in your grief and sorrow, and you are not alone when you feel unloved because you are loved by God. Blessings to you for a brighter future.
We went to therapy during the 3 years of lies, so obviously he had lied all the way thru it. I have since gone myself to 3 different therapists. I get tired of hearing how I need to focus on the future and not the past. So, I quit going.
He has given up all social media. He goes to and from work and notifies me if he is stopping anyplace after work.
He is doing everything right "NOW" Attentive, communicates, chores around the house, flowers occasionally.
I just don't think that he can ever make this right. I have given up asking for an occasional "I'm sorry", just so I know he is thinking about what he has done.
He is back to the man I knew and fell in love with.... but apparently things were broken even back then. so where does that leave us now?? In my eyes..... still broken
I wish you the best.
Cheat on me.. fine. Financially ruin me to hook up.. oh HELL NO!