I think its your way of coping with the shock of the A's and finding out - do you love your H?

if your not completely in love then perhaps you want to get to a safe place in your head where you have normalicy and then you will assess your situation and options but perhaps first you need to get back to normalicy because us humans need some normal things in life.

could be your putting this all on the back burner.

I don't really know what to say here. I think you need to get back to this world though, and sort your feelings out. 7 months is not that long ago, for something like this. How can you not care if your H is cheating? It sounds like you have some kind of protective shield up, to stop yourself from getting hurt any more. Please don't disrespect yourself, spend some time to figure out what you want.

First 2 months after finding out, I was a mess. Crying all day and very depressed. But after that immediately, the change was so noticable. It was like night and day. And I started to go back to my normal activities. I didn't talk about the cheating or affairs. Or mention it at all. I was like so tired of feeling sad.

sounds like you're pulling an ostrich. Burying your head in the sand and not dealing with it. You sound like you can handle the situation when ever you are ready though. First thing is to figure out if he is still cheating. It might help you make your mind up.

sounds like you are hiding from the truth because the truth really hurts, and if it is not hurting you, it may be time to let him go and move on...do you have children, how is this affecting them....is he having safe sex???? you could be at risk for your health

Thanks for all your advice. We don't have any children, but I can't quit the marriage. I have social and religious obligations. May be that's why I'm trying to deny it happened. I got both of us tested for STDs. And there are not red flags. At this point I am not really bothered if the marriage is going to work or not, but I can't divorce. So I'm just trying to get on with life (I think).

Sounds like you've compartmentalized the affair in order to regain a sense of footing. Sort of a form of denial. Usually denial is not believing it is happening when you find out. But can resurface as a defensive mechanism against the pain. But at some point it will all come bubbling back to the surface.

The negative thing for the CS is he's likely thinking you are getting better, getting past it. Makes it easier for him to sweep the issues under the rug. To bury his own head in the sand and avoid his pain as well. And/or continue/restart the affair. Then when you start dealing with this again, he'll feel defeated and confused, and give up.

Letting him know what is going on with you, that the issue is not settled even though the "eye of the hurricane" is passing over, might prepare him mentally to not assume all is good now, and he can safely ignore dealing with his issues.

You haven't answered yet if you still love your H.

Another question is - has your CS given you everything to heal?

I understand the religious aspect of it - but if i was you I wouldnt be as if nothing happened because again - there must be "consequences" to these stupid unfaithful actions because you can get a disease amongst other things.

Consequences are extremely important so that dude doesnt go about finding happiness through sin again.

What consequences has he been through? you rug sweeping?

I just want to add also - that we are here for you - we are trying to give you advice and we are here as a sounding board.

you have biblical grounds for divorce, God gave Moses the decree to allow divorce only in the case of infidelity, I understand wanting to just hide from the affair and the pain, trust me on that, but it will rear its ugly head someplace, none of us is good at hiding things for ever

It sounds to me like you might still be in shock over the discovery and dealing with the pain. You've mentally compartmentalized what happened as a way to get back to "normal" (pre A) but subconsiously you're still numb from the shock. That's why you don't care if he's still having an affair or not or even if you still love him or not. You've put all your negative feelings into a pretty little box and set it up on a shelf in the kitchen and now subconsiously you're ignoring it and trying to pretend you're all better. You're not. At some point that pretty little box is gonna explode off that shelf and you're gonna break. Get yourself into IC as soon as possible before you have a total meltdown and wind up on some industrial strength mood stabilizers and BP meds.

Religious obligations?
What exactly could these entail with a repeated cheating husband?

You are placing your outward image above yourself. This will be detrimental to your long term mental health.

The greatest freedom you can possibly imagine will come from you placing less significance on what others think of you.

shegavehimareason said, " you have biblical grounds for divorce, God gave Moses the decree to allow divorce only in the case of infidelity"

Well, the intent is correct even if the info is off a bit. God gave Moses the decree to allow divorce due to our hardness of heart, meaning it takes two, and sometimes the situation is bad enough to warrant the "lesser of two evils." Jesus clarified it further, by stating if someone divorces *and* remarries, they are committing the sin of adultery *if* the other spouse hasn't already beat them to it by joining physically with another.

But if she's affiliated with the Catholic Church, they don't allow divorce on any grounds. Which is why among Catholics, the separation rate is as high as the national divorce rate. In effect, physically they divorce, they just don't call it that legally or religiously. But in either case, what God joined is being torn asunder because of adultery.

Or she may be a pastor's wife, and divorce would create a social and religious crisis in their church.

But I agree with everyone. Eventually this will erupt. And probably not at the best time. It may be difficult, but if you can both get help, you can sort through these issues and deal with them rather than sweeping them under a rug and hoping they go away.

yes Cole, and thank you for clarifying, I more wanted her to seek the scripture....if someone talks about having religious reasons for not divorcing...and God allowed divorce because of hardness, because He always wants to protect us and our hearts, and because He knows the depth of the betrayal felt by a BS, and the devastation infidelity causes in a marriage...can He heal a marriage, yes, but not by hiding all emotion, not by COMPARTMENTALIZING(and I hate that word with a passion, and I wish it wasn't used as an excuse for what cheaters do)and the Catholic church is correct in its attempt to uphold God's law, but living separate, in adultrous affairs is NOT BEING MARRIED, in any sense let alone the Biblical sense

Most experts say that they have never seen anyone recover in less than 2 years and this is when all issues have been resolved, questions answered and working on honesty in the marriage. All repressed feelings will turn into anger and resentfulness and come out in a big way when not openly addressed. This is strange, and if you don't mind me asking you if you think you may have done the same or worst to him in some way, maybe a form of punishing yourself? please do not take this wrong, just trying to figure this out.

I also do believe you may be in denial, as your husband never admitted to having sex, so if you are calm, you may want to ask him to be honest with you just to help your relationship in a direction of new trust and honesty.