I'll translate for you. Just sex mean, "Hi I'm an asshole"

Thanks, Riel...that made me laugh

It seems that a lack of communication my be at hand as HE did not give you the opportunity previous to his "casual sex " to give your relationship a boost. He had probably chosen younger woman and they seem to have no consience at all, AND... the most improtant thing is the chance of a even herpes, aids , brought home, not respect for u at all ! I know it is heartbreaking and I am sorry.

I'm just going to tell you what I think.
" It was just sex"
What that seems to have meant to my husband was : It was just sex with no mortgage to worry about, no home repairs to have to do on weekends, no bills to worry about, no kids to interrupt the evening, no committment, none of the things that he saw when he looked at me.
It was mysterious, and exciting. It made him feel like he was wanted by someone other than his wife.
It made him feel young. It was a game that was fun to play because there was absolutely no responsibilities attached to it.
He just didn't think far enough into it.
He never ever thought about what it could do to our marriage, how it could hurt me so bad, I wished I were dead and didn't have to feel anything ever again.
For some reason, some people think that if it was just sex, it was like playing an indoor sport with someone. Shouldn't be a big deal, because they didn't love them.
It wasn't just sex to me, it was the end of my life as I perceived it.

Just one more thing.
If it hadn't been for our children, even though they were 25 and 17, I believe I would have committed suicide.
I had a responsibility to them to be there for them when they need me.
They are the only reason I'm still here.
Thank God for my daughter and son. I could never do something like that knowing how much it would hurt them.

It seems that I am the only cheater on this one so far. And "just for sex" can mean many things. For me it was no commitment, no emotions, and no attachments. A quick fix to boost my ego. I now realize that thinking of myself has inflicted more damage on other people, mainly my wife and family. There could be a lot of reasons, he just needs to think about it, be honest with himself and you and the truth will come to light.

Good luck

In reply to #22, you might think I'm crazy, but I appreciate what you just said.
My husband would never explain anything to me.
Maybe what you say can help me understand better just what he was thinking.
Thank you for being so honest and for being strong enough to share.

To Reply #23,
Not so much strong as wanting to fix things that I have broken. I feel it is my responsibility to stay and try to work it out until my wife makes the decision of what she wants to do. Thanks.

Ive wrestled with that term, aswell, "Just sex" well Women associate sex with love and Men associate sex with sex so I have been told, over the years im only 34 and I don't have that much experience I have only been with 2 men in my life, and IM married to one of them and the first is was boyfriend , we were together for almost 3 years, Now I was under the impression that people only step outside thier marriage for sex if they are not getting thier needs met or whatever... So I bent over backwards to fulfill my H's needs We have a good sex life, but wehn I confronted him on why he wanted to see other women or sleep around, "I got ...."its not alwyas about sex it's about feeing wanted" or "I was curious we have been together for so long "so don't beat yourself up, you didnt do anything wrong, Cheaters make a decision to cheat, they knew exactly what they are doing and why, I told my H when he told me that, I looked at him point blank in the face and said ,Well what makes yo think Im satisfied, all the time, sometimes you leave alot to be desired for but you don't see running for the first guy who spreads his legs, "That was a big change for us ,he looked like I slapped him, 'What do you mean your not satisfied, " I told him when your in a long term relationship or marriage or partnership its not going to be fireworks and earth shattering all the time and it's not, "The whole Just sex things it nothing more then a cheap cop out, its anything but just sex, its like saying when yuo max out his credit card But its jut money, why are you so mad, Thats what cheaters and Ow/OM say to themselves 'Its just sex so they can sleep through the night, and look themselves in mirror, a cheap hollow excuse, thats all, consider the men and women who our spouses cheated with, any woman who sit there and disrespect another woman by sleeping with her husband knowing f ull well he is married ,and dissing and dogging on the wife ,they are lonely bitter, vindictive , venemous vipers, and we should not waste our time by trying to understand them, of the things they do, they are all alone for a reason, and they will be alone for the rest of thier lives, and they know it, so they want to take down as many of us as they can, by busting up marriages and relationships, we should be thankful that we were born strong and we have class and self respect, something they will never have,

TO Stayingal..... You hit the nail right on the head, that is exactly how I feel, while your sitting at hime , doing laundry, taking care of the kids, house worrying about the bills, fixing dinner,, wondering where the hell he is at , or what the hell is going on, they don;t think that far ahead, they are taking care of themselves, since we got married I have done everything, hell I Pick out his cloths for him, get his uniform out for him every morning fill his thermos and mug with coffee, wtf, then I intercept a phone call by sheer luck/accident, and what makes me the most mad is that he or she will not tell me her name she doesent' want trouble at her place,he didn't sleep with her that I Know of he did with some skank at a local bar, the woman I first mentioned I think they fooled around but then someting happened, and it never went any further, but they work together, I already called her bluff nad told her to step up to the plate and tell me who she is ,wich I think my H doesent tell me is becuase he says I have a wicked temper, and he knows how I am I would be raising hell, well, I am the only hell my mother ever raised, and if your going to step in and try and take someone's husband or bust up a marriage atelast have the "Balls" to face the wife.
Stayingal.... I know you feel like this is going to do you in, and you feel like dying and want nothing more then to not feel anything at all, It's only been about 1 month out for me, I threw two right hooks and knocked my husbanad right off his feet when he told me that he slept some whore from a local bar then slept with me the next to days, I DO NOT CONDONE VIOLENCE AND I AM NOT A VIOLENT PERSON, but I had never felt so horrible nad disrspected in all my life, as i idd that day and I had some very very very dark days after that, he told he didnt know if he wanted to be married anymore and he cared about me but didnt love me anymore, I wanted nothing more then to crawl into a whole and die , I cried until my eyes and cheeks were raw, I threw up , could not eat, and ended uplosing 15 lbs in less then a month, I thought this was going to kill me, it sure felt like it ,but every day that I Get up I and I watch the s un come up and tell msyelf the world is a much better place with me in it, and i will get through this, and I am, each day get's a little better, stay strong, You didnt lose anything he did, all these Jackasses don't know it yet, my ex boyfriend c lued me in he went through a nasty divorce his wife cheated on him , ""Good Women are hard to find ,and when you find one a man better hold on to her with both hands, and never let go ' He also told me that every woman he dated since were complete psychos and all they wanted was his money, or what he had, "He;d move heaven and earth for women like us .

Blarney, I hate to be so straight but does it really matter? The entire truth for us will never be known, and all the little secrets, and things we don't know will haunt us. What difference does it make. The will deny until they die. Sorry but from 2 marrages (18 years and (4 years),both infidelity, it doesn't matter what they say just sex or not.

You are right, somefool, one is just as bad as the other. This is still relatively new to me so I am compelled to try to make some sense out of it in my mind and to try and figure out how it happened. My H will answer the ongoing questions that I have....I'm sure he is weighing every word, however and how many are lies...who knows. We continue to struggle.

I heard the same thing when my husband cheated, but i dont
believe that statement because
i have been married 25 years
and i give him great sex,
plus i am a wonderful wife.
I think they say that because
they want to try something
else for some reason in their
twisted sick head. They
think if everything isnt peachy it is time to cheat,
there are no love and romance
anymore, it seems like this
world now is sex sex sex,
and no respect anymore,
and an honest man, yeah there
are some, i wish i had one,
as i have been cheated on twice!!!

I agree with smilely...The cheaters try to turn it in to our fault so they have an excuse to do what they did. They don't feel as much guilt. Jerks !!!

It was just sex for me too as I was the cheater. And I have no idea how that answer "it was just sex" can justify what I did. I wish to God I never had made the choice to sleep around with the other man "just for sex." I totally have no good reason for using that as an excuse and I'm sure your husband can't either. I only cheated with one man and it was because I was bored at home. My husband ignored me and other men noticed me and that was what got me going initially. However, that still didn't make it right. Sure the flames are gone from a marriage after a few years, we had been together for 12 years at the time I had cheated on my husband and I was bored. He was stressed about work and home life and I was horny all the time and wanted sex all the time. Now I am paying for it by all the guilt I feel.

In my situation my husband would not have sex often enough for me. He basically ignored me in that area and another man of course would give me sex because I was "new" to him and he wanted a free piece of a$$. I was stupid and anyone who cheats inside a marriage is stupid. It's a terrible thing to do. I can give no valid reasons WHY I did it and I don't try anymore. The only real reason I did what I did was that I was selfish, mean and horrible at that time in my life.

Your husband can never justify what he did. He just needs to work his butt off to prove to you that he will never do it again and stick to that promise. You have to be able to trust him.