I don't know what that means but I will tell you this it hurts just as much when they haven't had sex but want to persue a relationship. my question is how can you justify online sex chat with your friends wife? I also want to know how it all is my faultthat they are breaking apart my family?

aladams is right. So what if it was just for sex? Is that supposed to make you feel better, or does it make him feel less guilty? It was still a horrible, horrible thing to do. And, if it was just for casual sex, then he put your life in danger. What a jerk.

I don't think that answer helps (she meant nothing to me. I said it to my fiance and regretted it instantly. It was the first time I lied to her, and is ultimately what made her leave me. I had a lot of unresolved feeling for my ex (we lost our daughter in an accident she caused and then divorced.) I did have feelings for her. I still have feelings for her. She was the only other woman I had ever loved in my whole life, and feelings die hard.
The way my girl explained it to me is:
"Pablo. That's awful! What do you think I am, a moron? You don't have feelings for your ex wife? Why did you marry her? Why would you break us up for her if you didn't care about her? There are so many other women you don't care about. Am I going to catch you with them, too? Who are you?"

I know it sounds dumb and might think it's a way to feel less guilty.. But it really can be just about the sex, sometimes that helps really work out some issues. Noy saying cheating is the right thing to do, but from experience, it can help a lot

I dont know what that means either, my wife used that line..well her "just sex" cost her "My trust" and my feelings for her will never be the same.

I would ask him how he would feel if you slept with someone else and said "it was just sex". Maybe he will understand then.

My husband also says it was just sex. So I ask him, then what do we do. he tells me we make love. I ask him to please don't do anything with me that he did with the other woman, after all if it was just sex and didn't mean that much why bring the cheapness into our bed? Oh, he gets so mad because he knows and faces the fact that it wasn't just sex. it was destroying everything we had. My husband, is a selfish person and thinks only of him self and when he had his affairs thats all he thought about, was him. So after many counseling sessions and more heart felt talks I am begining to see it is possible for it to be just sex. No emotion and no more contact.He dumbed them faster then they knew what hit him, after he was done with them.

Just like I thought....it doesn't make any sence...and it doesn't justify it. Hrtbrokn asked how he would have felt if it was me and his answer was..it would have killed him. He always has the right answers, but how can I possibly believe him...he is a lier and a cheater and he put our whole lives and everything that we worked for in the last 34 years at risk for a cheap thrill. If this had happend 20 years ago, I think it may have made more sense...but then there wasn't that internet and all the freedom. Guess his midlife crisis arived late.

blarney...my husband also has the right answers. I swear he has a guide book. But every now & then I catch him off guard.Then he gets mad and tells me he can't give me the right answer because I can always counter attack it. I tried to tell him I don't want to think if his answer is right or wrong. I just want the honest answer. Then he doesn't say a word!!! You are so right about this not making any sense. I'm still spinning trying figure out what the hell happened. Good Luck

You must be so strong for not leaving him!! Sit and talk to him and find out what he's in to and why he has slept with other women. I suppose you don't know until you ask really! Try bringing sex toys or lingirie in to the picture or if you already have try different locations... And jst to say 'just for sex' isn't an excuse it's an insult I would have packed my bags and left but good on you your obviously stronger!

That is another one of those stupid phrases that people use ...

like, "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you."

or, "I like you as a friend. Can we just be friends?"

It sounds to me that he is trying to make his bad choice sound like it wasn't that bad. It doesn't matter if it was "just sex" or if it was "a relationship with his 'soulmate'", it is infidelity no matter how you slice it. It is a betrayal of wedding vows and of the fundamental trust that supposed to exist between husband and wife. To trivialize it and not own up to the fact that it was a horribly bad choice, is just throwing dust in the air in an attempt to obscure your vision from seeing it for what it truly was ... a selfish act to meet his own needs and a betrayal of your marriage vows.

Blarney,

I am in agreement with what most said, he is a cheater and he risked your health, tossed your marriage and now trys to minimize it!

The one person whose response confuses me is
"ChasingEu", How did it help?

It's not a justification, and it shouldn't make you feel better in any way. It may help him understand how to prevent it in the future if he's willing to look at himself, though. He is saying essentially that he objectifies sex and commits selfish sex acts that have nothing to do with love. That is a problem and not what a normal, mentally healthy adult does.

As far as the marriage being over, that's still not decided yet. We have counselling this week. We'll see what she thinks about the "just for sex" thing. Every day I wonder about so many other things...like if there were affairs all during our marriage. For him to admit to these in the last four years, I had to back him up against the wall with a paper trail so he had nothing left to do but come clean ...but before even doing that, he tried to say that the rooms that showed up on the bank statement were for his friend who was seeing his x wife...wow He just claims that he couldn't stand to see me be hurt so much by confessing..and it did and it even hurt more because I had to drag every single word out of him. Believe me he is paying for his lying and cheating now!!

so he has sex with no emotional attachments and he tries to act like there is no problem with that...well cheating is cheating unless you approved it ...they don't justify they just DO they only care about themselves