I just found out about 14 hours ago, that my husband of 13 years had 2 separate sexual encounters with a woman..the first time, at his brother's house, with me and our daughter sleeping on the couch downstairs, about 2 1/2 years after our marriage! Then again, with the same woman, at a strip club (where she worked evidently) about 3 years ago while I was away with our daughter and son for the weekend. He says that intercourse never happened, but what he described to me, is in my opinion, intercourse...but. instead of the traditional male body part going where it would traditionaly go to the female's body part, he instead used his hand. Im sorry if it's too much details, Im trying to be as diplomatic as possible. He says the girl is someone he kinda had a thing for before he and I ever met, but timing never worked out for them-or whatever. So at his brothers house during a Halloween party, she was there and flirty with him out on the back porch. He said he made a comment to the effect of "Well how drunk do you have to be to get away with blaming it on alcohol?" Then ....whatever, happened. The 2nd time, he went to the club and got a lap dance and then....whatever again. He said it's the biggest regret of his life. He is so sorry and it has been tearing him apart every single day. I just can't understand. Neither of these behaviors are him at all!!! He has never gone to a club before. He is a great husband and father! I've spent our marriage showing him and telling him as much! How lucky I am to have found him! We have had some issues, but these have only been recently, not even when he did this to me. I have been through so much trauma inmy life, and for the first time, I had someone that I love completely, unconditionally, and gave my full trust to. He told me I was safe. That I never had to feel such pain again.  I believed him. I believed IN HIM. Yet, here I am again. At the hands of my own husband! This hurts so badly!!!!! It feels about as bad as finding out someone you love very dearly has died!! I feel like I just wanna die inside! Im so angry and hurt and confused and heartbroken and devestated!!!!! I wanna scream "I HATE YOU"  at him and at the same time I wanna him to hold me tight and rock me and guarantee that it willbe OK!!!! I have no one to talk to or cry on. I have no family and only a couple of  friends that we are BOOTH friends with. I don't wanna tell people and have them view him as a cad-because I truly believe that he is remorseful and that he really wishes he could "take it back".. In the meantime, I can't even look at him!!!! If he lingers around me for too long, I go into hysterical, primitive, full-body sobbing. I haven't slept, I haven t eaten, my eyes are swollen and puffy, my head aches..Oh God..I just don't think I can do this