1. Go to counseling
2. Do him the favor of leaving him. You don't care about him. You only care about yourself. You say you cater to him but you aren't taking care of the basic need of a faithful spouse.

Cheaters annomous would be better

You've made it pretty clear that you don't love him and never did. I'm not sure why you are stringing him along like this.

You said he couldn't bear to lose you; that's only because he doesn't know what you are doing or who you really are.

Go to the Cheaters Anonymous forum. Most of us here are the ones who have been cheated ON.

Thank you all for your honesty
...much appreciated.

Agreed cheaters anonomous. Here you won't get any sympathy. All of us are hurt by people like you. Stop playing the victim here. You are traumatizing your husband you are causing him the worst pain there is by cheating and you are justifying it to ur self like all cheaters do. Do him a favor for once and let him go he deserves much better than being cheated on. And you ckearly don't love him so put on ur bug gurl pants stop cheating and do the right thing. Break up.

No im not looking for sympathy...just help and obviously i did came to the wrong room. Sorry that you have all been cheated on. But not all cheaters cheat for the same reason. Some just have commitment issues others just do it for the hype. Some do if because their spouse don't kniw how to be a spouse period. Not sure which one applies to any of you....but nothing is ever white n black. Everything has a cause and effect and unfortunately people do get hurt in the process. Yes what i have done is unforgettable and to some of you i deserve the death sentence. But just remember i don't believe any of you did not ever play a fault to any of it. No one in this room no matter how perfect you think you might be or how much of a victim you have made yourself be are perfect without any flaws.....but again thank you for all your comments.

Saritamontel, there are a lot of reasons you might be doing this. It could even go back to family of origin baggage that you will want to deal with in therapy.

It is valid to have emotional and sexual needs and to expect kind treatment from a spouse. I get that. You do have to own the way you chose to go around him to deal with it. It doesn't make you a terrible person, but it means you did put your marriage in serious jeopardy.

Start with therapy (by yourself). Do some reading or watch YouTube videos by therapists about affairs, if you are able. Consider Esther Perel, Janis Abrams Spring, Michele Weiner-Davis, the Affair Healing website, and the Affair Recovery website (also has some great videos). Stay out of any more affairs while you are sorting out how you got here and what they mean to you.

Also, post in Cheaters Anonymous.

Thank you gravingirl you are so right....i never meant to come on here and disvalue the heartache that many have gone through . i really was looking for help. Again thanking for not judging me even though you had every right too.

You kniw gravin girl despite what anyone might think of me i do know im trash. I deal with my demons everyway. On top of knowing i deserve the death penalty i deal with the fact of how im hurting him too. I know i need help. I dont know how to change . living knowing you deserve misery....it cost money to get help but i will look into those videos i will and thank you again.

why did i read this thread

thank you

The thing is, alot of the people that have been cheated ON feel undesirable and alone but still never cheat. I truly am sorry that you feel this way.. it's a horrible feeling. If he makes you feel this bad, then please, just leave him. You do not deserve the death penalty or whatever you keep saying. But he doesn't deserve the pain that cheating inflics. No matter how down he makes you feel.

Just a quick question. If your husband dose not emotionally or sexually fulfill you then why are you married to him? You're cheating because you are mistaking something else for love. You do not love your husband or you would be emotionally connected to him, enjoy sex with him and have strong feelings to remain loyal to him. It's really that simple. You're wasting his time and yours by being in this marriage, and all the cheating, trying to stop, feeling lonely and going back to is because you're with the wrong person for you.

I don't think anyone is making themselves out to be the victim or in anyways said they are perfect. None of us our perfect and yes maybe somewhere going through relationship issues when their spouse cheated but there is no excuse, none whatsoever to cheat. You and your partner aren't getting along? Cheating isn't going to help. You have an issue in your relationship man or women up and talk to your spouse about it work it out or end the relationship don't go around complicating things more by not being faithful. If you aren't happy fix it with your spouse or leave. I'm going to be honest usually I try to give the cheaters the benefit of the doubt but don't come here telling people who are hurting that it's their fault their partners were weak. Do your husband a favor and leave him, you make him out to be a bad guy and I'm not saying he doesn't have his own issues but you are no better than him. Then work on yourself before you get into another relationship, go to therapy. He isn't all you know, you have been with other men.

The problem is that it's almost impossible to know in the moment if your spouse is truly "wrong" for you or if your mind is playing tricks on you to deal with guilt/shame (affair fog). That is why I think you have to get out of the affair(s) and give it time for your head to clear instead of making a rash judgment to end your marriage. Your spouse might pull the plug on your marriage anyway, but that is his choice and not really under your control.