SJ, Kudos to you! Now I\'ll cheer for you!
Better late than never.
Better to have a conscience than not.
Better to follow that conscience than not.
Better to unload the heavy burden you know you carried.
Don\'t you really feel better about yourself all around?
Sure it\'s tough, a relationship and all, and another bites the dust, but better than you get so implicated and totally ruin so many people (kids, grandparents, extended family)
I told my husband the exact thing..if you had a conscience and stopped somewhere along the line of 3 years, I wouldn\'t have known, been the wiser, gone thru unnecessary betrayal, grief, and be looking at a divorce, not to mention be looking at men differently for a while. It does rock your security, and affect you in so many ways!

Good luck to you, and please, don\'t be tempted again to be the OW, because nothing, NOTHING GOOD CAN EVER COME OF IT.

I feel your pain and I hear you. I also agree with CopingJust when they said "As simple as "just walk away" is it??? If it were that simple - no one would still be married to a cheater. We\'d just walk away. Easy."

Losing someone you love is never easy - and you never intend to fall in love with the wrong person...it just happens. I don\'t think the OP are bad people. The blame only belongs with the betrayer.

I see so many people call the OW sluts, whores, etc., when thats not the case. Its their husband that is the whore. The blame should be placed right where it belongs. WIth the husband and/or wife.

I applaud you being concerned for the welfare of the wife - but she is his problem - not yours. I agree that you should leave him and move on with your life for YOU and not for HER. You deserve someone you can call your own.

But everyone else here is right - you have to never take his calls, his text, etc. He will miss you and grieve for you and attempt to contact you - but by not taking his calls you let him know - under no uncertain terms - that you are moving on with your life.

Byathread thank you. I agree with coping too....it\'s not that easy, any more than it is for a smoker to just quit cold turkey. Is it the most effective way? Maybe. I did quit the physical part cold turkey...but my emotions haven\'t caught up yet. It truly is a loss. I returned to therapy today and that\'s how my therapist put it- I\'m recoving from a loss....even though I made the right choice, even though I never should have been in that position....it\'s a loss. Thank you for the empathy. I agree that the betrayer should bear the blame...however, we all know that the "girl code" says that we don\'t do this. So I do bear blame. I always felt that the wife was not my responsibility...she\'s his...and that enabled me to behave the way that I did. But like someone else on here said "she didn\'t have a choice...you do." Yes I do believe everyone deserves someone committed to them...and one day I will have that. Unless karma wins that is.

So far I have maintained some contact via text....I hope to stop that entirely. I will stop that entirely as I walk further away each day. The contact has not been about reuniting at all.

HIP HIP Hurray for SJ, you are brave, and your inner, respectful self overcame!!! Strong and powerful!!!

Back off gracefully, you are making the right decision I know that it is hard. But you know what you need to do. Stay focused and busy. You know you have to let him go. His family need him more.

My question is this...are you friends with his wife as well? If not, then walk away...simple as that. If you are, own up to her & tell her what\'s going on. She will be hurt, but she will either find healing with her husband or she will be able to decide if he is worth it or not. Trust me, she already knows her H is doing something...especially if the two of you are friends. Be careful when & how you tell her of course (if you\'re friends) b/c she is pregnant & any stress she experiences, that baby will experience. The reason you have to tell her is that it\'s obvious he won\'t & he is cheating her the right to his whole self, which is what marriage is about. Hope you figure it out!

ok i am the wife who was pregnant when her h cheated..so part of me just wants to tell you mean and nasty things..but im not...i agree with the other posts technically he is cheatin on you with his wife...my husband cheated on me..but where was he every night..in the bed with me telling me how much he loved me..not her..im the one who carried his children..not her...
if you want him to leave you alone..this is a terrible thing to say..but i can betcha itd work..tell him if he doesnt leave you alone you are going to tell his wife..cause thats why my husband continued his affair she was threatening to tell and he couldnt stand the thought of me leaving...so im sure itd work the other way around too..tell him if he dont quit bothering you..youre gonna tell the wife every single detail...
i understand what its been like to be abused..but you can rise above that..dont think you ever need to settle for some loser that is willing to cheat..cause if he will cheat on his wife..he will cheat on you too..

I\'m glad you\'re going thru therapy, that\'s a great start...fine and dandy for you!
But you might also want to read a couple good books which will help u stay away from him.
1.It\'s Called a Break Up Because It\'s Broken
2. Deal Breakers
Dont\' you think this is a deal breaker? A man you know for absolutely sure, has another woman,his wife with two children.
REd flag, hello???
You say you\'re educated,,and respected in your field...Well dang it, get respected amongst womanhood, your peers, and most importantly.....YOURSELF!!!
Don\'t be no dang fool, and don\'t play with a dang fool, cuz you\'ll land up the dang fool in the end!

FIRST....let me remind everyone....scroll up....I DID leave. I DID walk away. Yes, I made a bad decision to stay involved with him for too long...but I did walk away and continue to do so.

Now to answer the most recent posts:

DoBetter- No, I do not know her.

Super- I\'m sorry for what happened to you and you\'re right.

Blondegal- I agree....that\'s why I left.