For sure find another "best friend". Some best friend he is...

Changing your phone number and e-mail like the other posters have said is the BEST first step. I had my cheater boyfriend cut off contact that way. If his wife found out she would have him do all that anyway.

"sisters before man-ho\'s!"

Burs, I have been so worried about you! I sent you two messages and you did not respond to them! I even checked out your group and posted stuff there, and then saw that no one had posted to it since April!

I am so glad to see you back! And wait until you see the next thing I am going to post! I have been wanting to do this for awhile. I have been doing a lot of thinking about how Betrayed Spouses and OW/OM have a lot in common!

So here goes.

I have come to the conclusion that there are a lot more similitaries in OP and Betrayed Spouses than a fair amount of Betrayed Spouses like to admit!

Here is what I mean. Immeadiately Post-Affair if we are planning on staying with our spouses, we place the majority of the blame on the OP! And, at least in my case, his lies soothed and comforted me. His promises that he was so sorry and wanted to work things out, would do anything to fix our marriage...

I believed him because I wanted to, needed to. And he was wonderful to me. It lasted about a month and a half. Then it became clear that he had been lying to me, as one by one, his promises were broken!

And those of you who are OP, you need to, want to, believe the lies the MP is telling you!

Let me ask you, SJF, what kind of things does he say to you to justify cheating on his pregnant wife? I know exactly the lies my FX told the OW about me. He told her I was frigid and refused to satisfy him sexually. Nothing could be further than the truth!

He is the frigid one!

Ask Burs4Ever about the MM who used her for 8 years and then discarded her!

Mystery, he doesn\'t mention her. We don\'t discuss her at all. I don\'t think he\'s unhappy with his marriage, I think he\'s unhappy in general. And so am I so I guess that\'s why we\'ve taken solace in each other. It\'s not a perfect answer, but it\'s an honest one.

from how you describe yourself, you seem to be very giving. the perfect target for cheaters....and boy will he get so much energy from you. but they tend to be selfish and beleive me, when he is done with you he will dump you. further, if he gets devorced the possibility of him wanting to be with ou are nil. Don\'t waste your time with him..you are a good person...and deserve a better person than who you have chosen. what will happen is that while you have your focus on this a.h. you will be losing on possible opportunities you surely deserve. that will be a great loss to you, especially when the time comes for him to dump you. don\'t waste your precious time.

SJF:

You\'ve been in an abusive relationship... again. Being with a married man takes a hell of an abusive man to pull that off. Cheating within itself is abusive. He\'s been emotionally abusing his wife ever since he\'s been with you and he\'s all been abusing you in so many "unconventional" ways.

If abuse from a former relationship is still holding you back, they have counseling for that. They have counseling for this in general! You might need it to help with your self esteem, but you need to make a pact to yourself to not allow toxic people into your life. That includes married or taken men. They have self serving interests in mind- not yours.

Eventually you will find your resolve, but if you have insurance, I would start with counseling.

So what you dated long ago before his wife!!
Is this a competition about who knows this deceiver the longest?
The first time you became emotionally involved, and then physically involved, full well knowing that he was married, was when you made that choice.
My husband\'s so called "best friend" said the same thing to me, when I approached her.
She said "I want no part of this" She\'s also married with 2 children. I told her "It\'s a bit too late, you\'ve been part of this for over 2 years!"
That is the unfortunate thing: the cheaters think they\'ll never get caught, and have no ounce of integrity or morality. I personally am more upset with my husband, than the OW.
He\'s the one who made the vows to me.

So his poor wife, could easily go through major heartache, and even have a miscarriage, or serious medical complications. And the concept of "sloppy seconds" is not what a married woman who trusted her husband, wants to deal with.

I\'d run like hell, and get out. It may be too late, most women have some intuition about these things.

I\'m not rooting for you or going to be your cheerleader, sorry! But I do give you credit for at least feeling guilty, now, finally, and trying to make things somewhat better.

Just curious, how long have you been sneaking around with him? Don\'t forget about the karma, it is true, there\'s always a checks and balances. For every action...there\'s a reaction. Even if he said he wanted to leave her, and you got this prize, he\'d cheat on you too, because that\'s his MO, pattern, and the way he is!

As far as advice to you. The best I can ever give is, if he did it to her, he will do it to you! Your folowing your emotion, I know he is your friend, you have a deep connection, but it is with a married man. Its wrong on all levels, there is no right and your instincts of guilt are there for a reason. Your not a bad person, you are just in emotional turmoil not realizing the true level of devestation this will create.
Its going to hurt you too but you will get past it, you will find another decent man who won\'t cheat on you either!
I know the pain, my kids and I are living it. If you ever saw a boy cry I don\'t want daddy to leave, it would change your mind in an instant because to a child , its like a death of their innocent world and the biggest heartbreak for me is not losing my husband, its watching my kids fall apart and cry all the time. I have gone through months of counseling and still, the same hurt of betrayal won\'t go away, its hard and the longer you stay in your relationship the harder you will hurt as well
Get out, don\'t get involved with ANY married men, its not worth it, you can do better than that and you will never have to live wtih the pain you feel or helped to create.
He is a jerk and you just can\'t see it.....yet.
I feel like you do know this on one level but just are having a hard time letting go. Just do it, take the dive , there is a guy somewhere out there made for you!

So, what you are saying is that when this man and his wife have a child on the way, he gets horney and uses you to satisfy his needs until his wife can do that for him again?????????????? This isn\'t Love that he feels for you. He is using you. I wouldn\'t want him if he left his wife for you. He is not only disrespecting you, he is disrespecting his wife and children. Not a good trait in a person to be a liar and deceiver. Everyone here tries to be empathic to the OP but it\'s very difficult being on the cheated side. What happens someday when you are believing that a man is being honest and faighful with you and then you find out that he has been cheating the whole time??Do you think you will have empathy then? You don\'t know this yet but he is probably sleeping with other women besides you. You don\'t really believe that these kind of men just cheat with one person, do you? If you really want to get rid of him, you will. Tell him to do not come back. Tell him that you are not his sperm donor. Get rid of him. If he is doing this to his wife, he isn\'t worth haveing and you are in the middle of a very difficult situation. What, don\'t you think you deserve better than this type of relationship???? Your self esteem must be pretty low to believe that this is what love is. Love doesn\'t deceive and lie. Try to read about what love is and you will see that this guy does not equal wha love is. Get rid of him.

It\'s over. I ended it this afternoon.

It was emotional....we both cried....but we both agreed it was time. He said we\'ve been "stalling" for a long time. It\'s true- I put my life on hold, and wasted so much time, and energy, and emotion.

I\'ll be fine- I\'m going to keep walking away one day at a time until my past is a distant memory.

Thank you all for your honesty....I\'ll be back to continue to read it all when I need to.

I think you have made the right decision. Please don\'t let men use you only to go back to their wives. It never ends up in a positive way for anyone. I hope you have learned something from this experience and never do it again. Remember, you will be married and pregnant some day and you wouldn\'t want anyone doing that to you, right? I hope that you have a good life . Try to be an honest and loving person not only to others but yourself.

thank you Zowie. I know it was the right decision- it was the ONLY decision. I\'ve never done anything like this before....and I certainly won\'t again!

I hope you don\'t mind (or anyone else) but I asked my H (who cheats on me and is an SA) what he thought of your situation... He said break off all contact. Don\'t answer his calls, agree to see him, or anything. He also said (my question) no need to tell the wife. It would just cause more pain.

good luck to you , its hard but you can do it , check in here or at my other group for help if you need to , hugs

I don\'t mind at all- thank you for the feedback. I agree- I would never tell his wife, I don\'t know her anyway. I broke it off because I wanted to prevent pain to her so I certainly wouldn\'t want to give it to her. She\'s pregnant too and that couldn\'t be good for her to deal with. As someone else said I have a choice....she didn\'t. I would never inflict that kind of pain intentionally on someone.

Thank you shamed....I will see you at the other group.