I cheated on my boyfriend for the start of our relationship. Around this time last year I met a guy that I really liked. He broke it off when my brother committed suicide. After a couple of weeks I reached out to my now boyfriend and asked if he wanted to grab dinner and that was the beginning of us. We talked for a month or two then once day I asked him if he wanted to date. He said he did but needed some time to think about it. A few weeks later, on Nov. 30 while we were walking along the beach we asked me out. I gladly said yes! Then a couple days later the guy I was talking to before my brother passes away texted me. That's where it all began. I still had feeing for him and lied when he asked if I was dating someone even though I was in a two day old relationship. We went back to our old ways of texting, FaceTiming and calling to then hanging out on the weekends, going to bars and staying in hotels. We would hangout/talk for a week or two then we would not communicate for three or four weeks. We did get to the point that we told each other we loved each other. The love for this guy is nothing like the love I have for my boyfriend. I know that I would not put forth the efforts that I'm am now with trying to save/fix my relationship with my boyfriend in the relationship with the guy I cheated with. When the guy called me to end things he said so many negative things about me but I didn't care because I didn't want to be with him. If he was to contact me and say he was sorry and asked me to be with him, I would turn him down in a heartbeat.
I truly do love my boyfriend and have never had feelings for someone like this before. I've dated guys and have seen them as a way to check off life goals like marriage. But with my boyfriend I don't care if we get married. All I want to do is spend the rest of my life with him. I know I have lied to my boyfriend and he doesn't trust me but I will never cheat again.
Is there any advice that can be given to help us recover from this. Thank you!
Had a hard craving and briefly gave in and looked at porn. Stopped myself and said no, Not today. Trying to breathe and not get discouraged. Disappointed I gave in, but trying to feel good about stopping. 2 weeks today. Want to keep this going.
Day Seven is when I blew it last time. Today is day 6 and I fully expect an onslaught this weekend. Of course, my accountability partner is out of town. But hopefully he will still have a cell signal at the retreat where their family is. I will post an update on Monday!