Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Hi everyone,
I'm extremely new to this my partner of 18 years cheated on me for the second time 10 months ago the first time was 2 years ago with my very best friend I took me a year and a half to get over that and I still often think about it the second time like I said was six months ago also with a very close friend of mine and now I'm to the point where I just don't make friends anymore I can't get the images on my brain.
When everything came out I was about 6 months pregnant with our third son and he left our apartment in the middle of the night to go across the complex to another apartment where he had sex with her and then immediately came back home and got into bed with me and it wasn't two days later when everything came out he had been acting strange for quite some time and I had already asked him so many questions about what had gone on and why he was having this relationship with her they were very dependent on each other and I had even confronted her and I think it was the next day after this all happened he brought her over to our house where she hung out with us and our kids her kids were there we had a barbecue and then I think it was two days after that when he finally admitted what had happened and having gone through this with him before with our third son when I was pregnant is when he cheated on me the first time I'm a very detail oriented person and so I asked him very very in detail questions which he gave me the answers to and now we're about 10 months later and I can't get these images on my brain every time I look at him every time we're intimate every time I lay down to go to sleep all of these things are just in my brain all the time all of these images to make matters worse when we were having our third son and we were in the hospital she contacted him and then they started another emotional affair where I found text messages that he was saying he loved her and then I confronted him about that and that was about 6 months ago that situation was very short-lived but I don't know why I didn't leave
And now I feel really stupid for staying but I've been in a relationship with this person for so long and we've come so far and I don't understand how someone can do these things to someone else and I want to trust him and I want a relationship to work but I can't get these thoughts out of my brain I can't get the images out of my brain of knowing what they did together and knowing what they said to each other and it makes me sick so after failed couples counseling and being an individual counseling and still having all these issues I figured I would join some online support groups and maybe somebody else has gone through the same situation I have it would just be really nice to understand the other people have gone through the situation and made it through either by themselves or together with someone else because it feels like there's no light at the end of the tunnel and I just can't get these thoughts out of my head that he was like this with someone else even though I want to I want to forgive him and I want to let it go.
Hopefully I don't sound like a complete idiot and maybe there's some kind people out there if that kid give some kind advice or just help me to understand that this happens to people and we can get through it.
Thanks
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You will be okay. Please listen to what I have to say. I'm so sorry this happened to you. It wasn't your fault. You did nothing wrong.
The reason it is hard to leave is according to your profile, you have been with him since you were 16 years old. He is - comfortable. Familiar. That doesn't mean you love him anymore or should stay with him. You are only 34 years old, such a young woman, you have a whole life ahead of you to live.
He chose to do these things. He made the conscious choices to cheat on you over and over. He knew what he was doing and he wanted to do it. This is all on HIM, this has nothing at all to do with YOU. You don't even know how many times or how many women he has been with.
Cheaters lie.
My question is, why are you still with him?
He told your friend he is in love with her... so isn't it over anyway? He cheated on you when you were pregnant, he is lying to you and disrespecting you. You deserve so much better for you, and for your kids. He may just keep you on the side because he knows divorce and child support is expensive for him and he doesn't want to have to pay you. But I guarantee you he will keep cheating...
What you need to be concerned about is him bringing home HIV and other STDs and giving them to you. Some of these can kill you. Do you want these deadly diseases in your home? Around your kids?
What if he gets one of these affair girls pregnant? If you two are married, then you will have to pay half of your money to the other woman and pay 18 years of their child support. The court will make you pay her and their child for 18 years. Think about that.
You need to step back and think is this how you envisioned your life to be. Is this what you want in a partner.
The answer is not for you to not have any more friends. The problem is with him. You need new friends, sure, but until he is gone, he will do this over and over with random women.
I guarantee you will find a better man. I know a girl that got cheated on and divorced her husband at age 40, and she had 4 kids. She found a new, great, terrific guy soon after and they are very happy. She wishes she hadn't wasted so much of her life on her first cheating husband.
You will be okay. But it's time to take actions. Nothing will ever change.... until you change it.
Don’t be like me. Take action and take back your Life and your self esteem. I’m scared too but I know I’ll never be happy staying.
We deserve more.
But he is blatantly disrespecting you, and possibly bringing home deadly diseases to you and your kids. You are worth so much more than this treatment, and you have to look out for your kids, too.
Have you tried to talk to a therapist? They could help sort out these things and your feelings. Tell your friends, family. You need people to talk to.
Write in a journal. Get it all out. Writing everything out (no one will see it) helps to sort through all the emotions we have.
You are a very young woman at 34 years old. So much life ahead of you. Do you really want to spend your life living like this? Something to ask yourself. Is this the kind of husband you've always dreamed of having?