There is a place on here called cheaters anonymous. I suggest you seach it out as those people there will be able to help you more than us. Almost all of us here are the ones that have been affected by our significant others decision to no longer honor their vows to us.

I would also say that trying to fix a problem by causing a bigger problem is not the answer. You have an abusive spouse now, how do you think that will go down when he finds out(and I am sure he will).

Better to make yourself safe, get out of the situation, get counseling, get healthy and then go find a relationship,

Doing things backwards rarely brings the results you are seeking.

Also, OM is showing red flags. You do need to get out of your marriage and work on you before you begin a new relationship. That is the only way you will have a healthy relationship.

Also look for groups related to abusive relationships as well as the Breakups and Divorce group.

The answer is not to have an affair, turning yourself into a person who you probably won't like in a few years.

The answer is to prepare yourself to safely escape an abusive marriage.

This is not going to help anything. In fact you may just very well be putting your AP whom you claim to love in a significant amount of danger. WHEN your husband finds out (and he will) how do you think he is going to react? If he is abusive towards you and had those typical feelings of possession that go along with an abusive relationship he could go after the OM.

I concur that you should probably seek help from a group that specializes in abuse. You are adding fuel to what sounds like an already volatile situation.

I wish you well.

You really do not want to hear what I have to say. I am going to leave it at that.

Is the cheaters group here4 on DS? I can't find it.

I also want to add that I have much expirence w/ abuse. I understand why you do things that are self destructive. I have been in that position and recently helped a friend get out of a similiar situation. There is help available.

What you stand to lose by leaving is replaceable!
What you stand to lose by staying is irreplaceable!
What you stand to GAIN by leaving is priceless!!!
Please listen to me..I do know what I'm talking about

Do I sound like a master card commercial? LOL

"I am having an affair and I do not feel guilty."
"The other thing is that I was with him last night and he asked me to marry him. I did not know what to say and could not give an answer."

You say these things in the beginning of your post, and yet you list having feelings for your husband still as one of the reasons for not leaving. Let me just say, if you still loved your husband, you would feel guilty for cheating. If you still loved your husband, you would have had an answer for when a man you've only been with a few times asked you to marry him- NO!

I get that being in an abusive relationship is difficult- you need to LEAVE. Cheating is really NOT the answer you are looking for. If for no other reason than if your husband found out, he would probably put you in ICU.

I'm not sure what you are trying to accomplish with cheating. Your abusive relationship isn't going to get any better, only potential for a lot worse. And you are involving someone who has no idea which is really unfair to him. Imagine how bad you would feel if your husband found out about the affair and went and hurt the OM. Essentially you are taking a bad situation and making it worse, more complicated, and harder for yourself.

My advice? Get rid of the OM. Anyone who is proposing after only being together a few times is probably desperate and clingy...not to mention HE HAS NO FREAKING IDEA WHO YOU ARE! He thinks you're someone you're not, and the relationship is going nowhere because it was started on a pretty big lie from you.

Next step? Call the cops on your husband! I'm not kidding. I know it's hard, but you know it needs to be done. Almost every state has legal protection for the victims of domestic violence in terms of assets you get to keep in a divorce, as far as protecting you physically, etc... The relationship is dangerous and damaging, the man has problems, and I don't think you love him anyway. And why would you? He punched you for crying after your family member died for lord's sake!

I would advise getting some counseling, and taking some time to reestablish yourself and build up your self esteem before getting involved with someone new. Abuse victims often move on to new abusive men because they have no self esteem...and abusive men can smell that on women like a lion hunting prey.

The best thing you can do is leave your husband. get rid of him, put him in your past and leave him there.
The next best thing you can do is seek professional counseling help for yourself.
Then and only than can you successfully find someone that will love you and you love back to a level where you will feel 100% safe.
I admire that you ahve awesome feelings for your OM, however being that it was born out of lies and cheating, it may not last as positively as it is now. You need to fix yourself before you can succeed with anyone else.

Roller.... that was awesome advice. You bring the truth home !!!
I just want to add that is sooooo hard to leave when you are being abused. I can't explain it ...but your thinking really is warped and the fear is unimaginable

I am going to be as nice as I can -- consistent with the pledge.

Your husband is abusive, but you are no better.

Your new relationship is not one of love, it is one of lies. You have not even told him you are married.

You are on a road that whoever you are with, it will be less than fulfilling, because you do not treat yourself as if you are worthy of anything of value.

You need to take a hard look in the mirror and focus exclusively on you. Your new relationships is just escape from a life I am sure you never imagined, and from a low of self-esteem and self-worth that I am sure you have never been in before.

It is time to break free, face your demons, and make you into who you always wanted to be!

Wishing you peace, Missy!

It sounds like you might have what is called the Stockholm Syndrome. It is where hostages become sympathetic with their captors. Patty Hearst was a famous example of this when she was kidnapped and held hostage by the Symbionese Liberation Army, some home grown terrorists back in the 70's. She even robbed a bank with them. People who are terrorized like you are become sympathetic with their abusers in an attempt to endure less pain. Patty Hearst and others like her even defend their captors after they are freed. I'm not a therapist, but a good one could no doubt tell you more and help you get free for good.

I think it's unfair of you to be lying (by omission) to your OM. He is being played as the unsuspecting fool in a potentially explosive game. Just because you are your husband's victim doesn't justify you abusing another person with lies.

Clearly having an A on an abusive spouse is double trouble as well.

Therapy would be a good idea. There are many services available to abused women that will protect you and your privacy. Best wishes.

"The day of my grandmothers funeral i was crying and upset and just asked my husband for a drink of water but he decided to punch me instead"


Wow.....you must not be too bright.

Your husband punches you for crying at your grandma's funeral.

IMAGINE WHAT HE WILL DO WHEN HE FINDS OUT YOU'RE FUCKING SOMEONE ELSE!!!!!

You are an intelligent, well- spoken woman. While I feel badly that you are being abused, I am also pretty sure that with your intelligence you can get yourself out of this situation and stop trying to make a plus sign out of two minuses..
People are unlikely sympathize with cheating here.