Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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How to rebuild trust

Jason21
Jason21
Its been a year since my wife had her year long affair. I feel that she has done most of the things that she should. If there are right things that one can do after such a destructive decition. I have read many books and just joined this group. I really like DS it seems to be a lot better than some of the other groups I have been on. It seems to me that what I have read on DS is some very positive and solid advice thank everyone that is on here trying to help others out of bad situations. I plan on responding and helping others on here the best I can.
Even after a year has past I have a serious issue with trust.
My wife has been by all accounts very transparent and good about letting me know where she is and what she is doing but it just don't seem like I will ever be able to trust again and shed the anxieties of what she is doing when she is away from home. Does any one have any sugestions on the trust problem, and about trusting ones own judgement?
Cole50
Cole50
Each person is different in how long it takes to rebuild trust. For most of us, we will always now be aware that it is one possible outcome. Currently being 3 years and 4 months from dday, it does gradually get better. But only if she is doing what she should and you are making progress working through your loss.

You say she is transparent, What about areas other than infidelity? Do you sense she is being deceptive in other areas, like finances? Do you sense she is wearing a mask? That you are not seeing the real her?

Here is a link to an article I wrote, which my wife helped me with, on the healing steps for the CS. It might identify areas she needs to work on.

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/healing-infidelity-through-faith/news/view/4974162

For you, it might be helpful to be aware of the stages of grief.

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/healing-infidelity-through-faith/news/view/3869850
CHRISTOPHER310
CHRISTOPHER310
I can never trust my ex to the same level I did before she cheated on me. When she choice to cheated on me instead of talking to me, she choice to destroy my trust in her. We can be friends, but never partners. The needed trust for partners is gone. My trust in people in general is still fragile as a result of my ex. My trust on a personal level is almost not there at all because of her. Someday I hope to meet a woman that will help restore my trust. I am not holding my breath however.
jdark87
jdark87
It's really hard to overcome that. I've never been through that, but I've seen it with other people. Trust doesn't come easy after that and you'll always be paranoid about her whereabouts when she's not with you. This is something that will always be there in the relationship history and the first thing you need to do is accept that and trust that she will change. If you can't accept that or if she keeps doing it then you must break it up. It ain't worth being in a relationship if you can't trust the other person or if the other person is cheating.
refurb
refurb
after her affair my wife chose divorce with no attempt to reconcile

trust would have been very difficult to rebuild, But l looked as i wanted to know everything because if she was willing to trust me with her worst then it would give me reason to grow towards trusting her

I 've come to see her puling the plug on her not wanting to fess up, as her feeling like that would give me power over her ---- I think cheating is about power, in our relatioship she had the power ---- it was important to her, she was important to me, but love maybe she loved me but never enough to relinquish power

will you wife fess up, will she give you the keys to her "kingdom" will she give you her secrets

if so, then i think you both can eventually have a solid marriage
if not, well I's sorry for you
Jason21
Jason21
Thank you all for your comments. I think it helped some and I will read your article that you wrote Cole50. Thank you all for the advice it is really good for me to chat with others that have been threw the disatorus ordeal that I have. I truly hope that this gets easier than it has been over the last year and that someday I can find away to trust my wife again at least enough to not worry all the time. Thank you all again.
Lenoire
Lenoire
I'm sorry you've found yourself in this situation.

I'm wondering if you are experiencing triggers that are setting you off.

Are you able to pinpoint the moments and times when you're feeling like you can't trust her?

Identifying your triggers and knowing how to deal with them will help you manage them instead of letting them destroy you.

I wish you strength.
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