Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Just wondering if there is any CS in this group can let us know your perspective?
How often/How successful a cheater can change and be faithful to his/her BS forever (assuming both CS and BS work on the problems between them)? How long the honesty last until the itch happend again?
or will a cheater just change because he/she feels remorse, but behind, he/she just get smarter in carrying on the affair? or will a cheater may feel guilty for the BS, but deep inside, he/she still thinks the OM/OW should be their perfect match or soulmate?
How often/How successful a cheater can change and be faithful to his/her BS forever (assuming both CS and BS work on the problems between them)? How long the honesty last until the itch happend again?
or will a cheater just change because he/she feels remorse, but behind, he/she just get smarter in carrying on the affair? or will a cheater may feel guilty for the BS, but deep inside, he/she still thinks the OM/OW should be their perfect match or soulmate?
Sadly yes I do. Its very hard to shake thoughts of him because of everything he said to me. It kills me to think I was used and that he didn't mean all of the things he said - as far as how bad his M really was, he had one foot out the door, telling me how he feels about me, talking of a future. I believed what he told me. I am naive I suppose. I have an issue of wanting to help people. He chased me and no matter how many times I would stop it and break things off, he would keep contacting me. The longest I ever went ignoring him and trying to move on and fix my M was 4 months. But then I caved and replied to his incessant txts. It's hard not to believe someone who cries to you and tells you they are in love with you. Especially when you are obviously broken yourself... I never intended for anyone to be hurt. I tried so many times to end it. I thought he could be going after anyone if he just wanted an A, but why keep coming back to me? Maybe we did have a connection - I thought to myself. Its all so sick and twisted and sad. I'm still struggling with it and struggling with my M every single day. If I could turn back time I would. But the only thing that gets me through my day is to believe on some level he really did care and I did mean something to him. I know it shouldn't care. I'm sorry if what I say is painful to hear.
Onyx -
I often thought in terms of comparing to a normal relationship. When you think you're not right for each other and break up, you don't keep contacting the other person and trying to get back with them. You accept that its' over and move on. It always frustrated me, why I would take him back and reengage in txting and talking to him. I ended it. For a number of reasons - one being IT WAS WRONG. No matter how many times I said this to him, lets wait. Stop contacting each other to concentrate on our M. We owe it to our spouses. They will get hurt, etc. He ALWYS told me - stop thinking too much. I am no longer in love with my W at all, I dont owe her anything, she doesn't love me, I love you, we can still talk to each other until our M end and then we can be together. He always had a way of saying things that would break me down.
I should have been stronger. I wasn't. I hate myself for what I did. I am working on how to move on and get him out of my head and heart so I can give one last ditch effort at saving my M.
I believe my wife is very similar to you in our current situation.
She knows the A is wrong, she is very remorseful to me because she recognise I am the victim. But on the other hand, she just cannot get the OM out of her mind. The fact she put down a date in November, 2027 in her smartphone when they are supposed to either marry each other if fate permits, or at least fly in a small plane together, send a chill down my heart. Does this mean I would have to suck up to the fact my spouse always has this OM in her heart and if the M doesn't work out eventually, she will leave the M in 14 years? Does this mean I have to doubt my M everyday for the next 14 years? I don't think I can take this?
I proposed to my wife the past Sunday I want a divorce, but she doesn't want to (we have 2 young kids)......don't know how long this mess is going to last
Im so very sorry for what you're going thru. Im sure your W is remorseful and just overwhelmed with confusion, grief, conflicted. How long ago did she end the A? Are they no longer in contact? Is she going for IC to get him out of her system and to help sort out her thoughts?
I can only describe my days now as constantly struggling to land on my feet. If her AP told her things or talked of a future or messed with her mind, she will need to work on clearing all of that stuff out of her mind. I know i have tried doing it myself but it runs deep and i will be starting IC.
Not sure if you have but i would recommend MC as well.
You don't owe her anything, but i really hope you guys can work things out and remain a family if thats what you both really want.
Depending on how long ago the A ended, in time feelings will lessen. it is a mess. Its gonna be tough to get thru because its so painful.