I'm so sorry to hear this!

Writing it out can help... can you tell us what happened?
Did you find out or did he tell you?
How long are you two married, kids?

What is the cheating?

We're here for you! You're not alone. You WILL get through this.

Thank you. I just can’t stop crying and I’m normally a make a plan type person. 18 months ago I found him engaging in two way cam activities with girls on Chaterbate. I told him the was a hard limit. The last couple of months I have had suspicions but he told me I was crazy and maybe needed impatient treatment for paranoia. Our power has been out with the storms and my phone was dead so I picked his up to update our friends and found his internet open showing he had crossed the same line. He was literally having me believe I was crazy and needed serious job risking care instead of telling the truth.

YOu caught him, set the line, and he broke it again in the same way, while gaslighting you along the way. This is really hard to get through, but you need to stand up for yourself here.

It is normal to feel how you are feeling, and it sucks. It really does. But, his cheating behavior seems pretty clear and repeated. It is hard, but you are in a position of reassessing yourself and your relationship with him. What helps is taking a review of yourself and figuring out what YOU need and what YOU want.

It’s the gaslighting that is making believe no amount of therapy can fix this. The infidelity met with the honesty of “you’re right, I messed up” versus me literally believing I was crazy and needed a full mental health evaluation...there’s just so much in that that seems irreparable

Therapy just for you would be a good idea. You are going through a trauma.

You did nothing wrong in this relationship. This was all his CHOICE. There was nothing you could have done better, or differently, or anything else you could have done to stop this. This is all on - him, You are the victim in all of this. Do not believe anything he says... why would you... he is a liar and a cheater! So, don't believe anything he is trying to say about YOU.

How long are you two married? Do you have kids?

Thank you for that message. It’s been easy to start picking apart my flaws. We’ve been married for five years, together for ten. No kids, but was getting ready to move Belize since I’m an offshore find manager...which of course adds to the questioning of so many future things

No, it's not you at all. If anything, he is the one with the mental flaws. Certainly not you!!!

Can you get a therapist? You could look online and start therapy, call around to some therapists, you may even be able to start therapy today.

Think about what you want to do. If you want to divorce or separate. Do you have friends or family you can talk to? Talking, and also writing things out (such as in a journal), will help you to get your feelings out and to start making a plan of what you are going to do next.

You are in charge! You decide what is best for YOUR life. Don't listen to any of the crap he is trying to tell you about you. That is so low of him to even go there, especially after what HE did. You make your own decisions. You are your own person. A strong woman with a mind of your own. You are strong and a good, worthwhile person.

I went through this at the end of December. It's awful and terrible and I wish I could hug you. I felt the same way for many weeks. I ended up calling my doctor. He gave me zoloft to lessen the emotions and xanax for the panic attacks.
When people tell you it's not you it's him, they're right. Go easy on yourself. If you can get away from him, do so. The best thing for me has been that we've been in separate states since I found out. It gave me time to process a lot of $hit.
Take care of yourself.

First off..... BREATHE!
Second....... it's not your fault

Things that I wish I had done was a month of no contact. Whether you leave or he leave.... You need time to think without him constantly in your face manipulating you.

I am so sorry you went thru that, yes it is normal, you are in shock. Give yourself time and seek counsel. Many churches offer it free. Don't let him get off too lightly or you will go thru it again. It really sucks, but sadly cheaters cheat. Make decisions best for you. people will treat you how you let them.

Don’t make any decisions. Did you call him out on his bullshit? If not I would literally go into stealth mode. Investigate .. keep investigating. I collected lots and lots of hard evidence... then spread it out on the table. Hit record on your phone and then asked him to explain.
My CS came clean... eventually.

Sorry to hear. It’s been 4 months since I found out about my husbands emotional affair and I’m still so sad. I hope for your sake the truth comes out, that’s what hurts the most is the continued lies