Give it time.

As you said you have no control over what he chooses to do - to some extent.
The new secretary should not of been hired and if there is anyway to move her to another department then I would ask him to do that. He is remorseful then he should consider your feeling and hyper sensitivity towards other women that he is in contact with on a regular basis. Would a recovering alcoholic work as a bartender? Not a wise thing to have temptations so close at hand.
It has only been five months and you both need to understand that recovering from such devastation takes a long time and lots of work from both people involved.
Another thing - what is to stop you from going to the rodeo? You can check up on him or trust him and stay away. However trust is hard at this point and may never be fully recovered.

Can you go too. There's alot to do at the RODEO? See if you can help out? Talk to him and let him know your feelings. See what he says, and if you can't hang out until 9PM ** 12-9 is along time :-)** Just tell him you'll drop in and see him, but aren't sure what time. Good Luck

I still have the same feelings. I will be keeping an eye on this post. It is good to know I am not alone.

Sound like you have trust issues with him, and i don't blame you. I still don't understand why people stay with the cheaters, it think it's fear of being alone. And in your case, your H is going to be around women in tight jeans and what not ? I'm not wishing anything bad here, but that's like giving an alcoholic a bartending job ! And he was screwing another woman in the next room from where you were sleeping ?! Does it take a brick to the head to see that he doesn't respect you ? What's his next step, ..asking you to join in ? It's not jealousy you're feeling hon, it's fear of the knowledge that if the man is so bold as to screw a woman in the next room, then the odds of him doing it again at a rodeo with cowgirls late at night are pretty good. Not trying to bring you down here hon, just reading the writing on the wall. Good luck.

some of these comments were harsh and everyone stays with their spouse if they cheat for different reasons, and everyone reacts differently to things. sometimes it not fear of being alone, sometimes it is, only you can know that.

there are possibilities that with therapy these things can be worked out, but it takes work.

And it has only been 5 months and i understand why you do not trust him, maybe you can go hang out there with him for a bit. are you or you and your spouse in any sort of therapy? if not, and you want to work it out and he does too, it is an option. but your feelings are understandable. trust has been broken and its possible to fix, but not for everyone.

Not everyone is created the same and their reactions to this will be different from person to person. So until you and he figure out if you can be together or you figure it out, with help or not, do the best that you can.

is he addicted to sex? because comparing this to an addiction when it may not be does not make sense to me. If he does have a problem with sex addiction, then obviously the comparison is valid, just my opinion, you are not weak, you just have some stuff for work out for yourself and with your husband. ur feelings are understandable. Men and women react differently to a cheating spouse, and on top of that each individual does as well and its only been 5 months. best of luck to you.

Thank you guys for your replys,
longhaul,
no he is not a Sex addict, and yes what he did was awful, dont think for one minute I dont get how disrespectful and god knows what else it was, it makes me sick just thinking about it and as for me staying with him...I love him and I am willing to try and work things out...are we going to make it ? I dont know, time will tell.

I understand every word you wrote..The thought that O keep coming back is that if i can only trust him by controlling his every action..then I don't want him! I know this most likely does not help you in any way but just sharing my thoughts.

Your emotions are extremely normal. My husband is still playing in his band at bars and that drives me nuts. I plan on going to all his gigs and make sure he keeps in line. Maybe you can go to the rodeo as much as you can to make sure he is behaving himself. I am afraid that right at the first the jealousy or suspiciion is going to be part of the healing process. I am hoping that it gets better as before the affair I didn't question anything he did but supported him whatever he wanted to do (except playing in the bars).

I definitely feel he needs to get rid of the 25 year old secretary. That was ridiculous for him to do that to you right now. He knows better than that!

I hate to say this but all of us have to learn to live with what they have done if we choose to stay with them. Things are never the same the trust that takes years to build was destroyed in a second. Sorry, you are not irrational, you are human don't be so hard on yourself.

If you love something let it go free and if it comes back then that is good if he choses to do it again then make it clear thats the end. At the end of the day we cant watch them all the time and its up to him to make you feel secure and he holds the card in terms of choices. Its so early for you to regain trust, i would go with him if it helps. My H is a DJ and he took her home on the way for a 10min shag so how could i have ever caught him. I find it hard to trust him when hes working now. I pick him up alot or check when hes phoned a cab and when he gets in ect. But i have started to let go becaue its me whos miserable and i make him uneasy so he knows this is it now - another thing and hes gone x If he wants to dig a hole push him in it

Tanjat,
Nooreen and the others are right. At first, I did a little snooping but afte awhile, yu cannot live like that!

He IS responsible for making certain that u dont suffer needlessly though. so tell him, you do not want him to go this year, if it is not too late to back out or go with him.

I think you all are right, and maybe this will even help me calm down a bit...the first time he went out of town for work was bad but the second time was better...I know that I made the choice to take him back and that in the end all I can do is sit back and wait and see....
You all help me so much, thank you for listening and answering my questions ; )

Passive resistance is how you get back your power to feel better and get the results you may be looking for. Here's a suggestion to say. "Honey, under the circumstances that we went through 5 months ago I want to share with you that I'm a bit insecure about you working late at the Rodeo and your new secretary". "If you can find a way to include me in the rodeo and help me get to know your secretary better I would appreciate it". "If not, I will understand because I know you work hard and I really just want you to be happy". You may stun him. Be ready for any possible reaction he could have. Be ready to accept if he gets defensive and says what does that mean? You could then just repeat it to him. If he then takes a conscious effort to include you I would assume you would feel better. If he doesn't be prepared to go out one or several of those same nights decked out with your friends. Even if you're not into it. Be happy go lucky with him. Go to the library if want. He will notice you not just sitting around waiting for him and start wondering what he needs to do to keep your attention. Take it from me, I'm a guy and it worked on me!

I love that Idea muscles.
I think I might just do that...
You made me smile thinking of it that way...Thanks ;)
(and I was having a bad night cause I ran into the ow at the store)

it sucks doesn't it? I have these same feelings. my h is a bartender and temptation is in his face every time he goes to work. i cry when he leaves and i am anxious when work time approaches. we have been using txt messages to send quick love notes through the night. i feel more connected with him while he's gone, i know he's thinking of me, and i feel less insecure. it's one small step in a very hard road. i hope it's something that could help you out.