Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Tonight the saga of the strange mind of my husband continues.
While I am struggling to make a direction in my life and he starts a new 'relationship' (I call it that as it is not really one), with his slut, we talk.
He tells me tonight, that although he is with her, he is thinking in terms of plans for he and I in the future. Yes, he is thinking about how he could change how he works and where we live etc etc and about a future with me. Yes, he is out to dinner as we speak with his slut and they will go back to his unit tonight and do their thing. And he is not going to stop doing that until he is ready. After all, he has spent the last few years of his life doing what others have told him to and now he wants to do what he chooses to do. That being seemingly having her, getting his rocks off with her until he has had his full...........
I asked him if he had perhaps told her of his plans, and was she aware that he was thinking this way, and of course he has not. She is, as far as we know, just thinking she has 'won' and that the pair of them are going to see if they can make a go of it together.
Now how they can do that while he tells me all this other crap, I do not know.
When I dare mention that perhaps it may not be an option to come back to me he just replies 'well, you said that you would always consider me'. Of course at one time I did. I explained carefully that perhaps his 'thing' with his slut in this small town, where he is now taking her out publicly, may in fact hurt me a tad too much and did that ever cross his mind. You know what? I dont think it did.
My God, what some men think! He genuinely thinks that he is ok doing his thing his way as it is what he wants. I really dont care that little slut gets hurt in the long run, but where does this husband of mine get his licence to run his life like that?
Can anyone make any sense of him?? Any different opinions or takes on it?? or is he just completely f......ed?
While I am struggling to make a direction in my life and he starts a new 'relationship' (I call it that as it is not really one), with his slut, we talk.
He tells me tonight, that although he is with her, he is thinking in terms of plans for he and I in the future. Yes, he is thinking about how he could change how he works and where we live etc etc and about a future with me. Yes, he is out to dinner as we speak with his slut and they will go back to his unit tonight and do their thing. And he is not going to stop doing that until he is ready. After all, he has spent the last few years of his life doing what others have told him to and now he wants to do what he chooses to do. That being seemingly having her, getting his rocks off with her until he has had his full...........
I asked him if he had perhaps told her of his plans, and was she aware that he was thinking this way, and of course he has not. She is, as far as we know, just thinking she has 'won' and that the pair of them are going to see if they can make a go of it together.
Now how they can do that while he tells me all this other crap, I do not know.
When I dare mention that perhaps it may not be an option to come back to me he just replies 'well, you said that you would always consider me'. Of course at one time I did. I explained carefully that perhaps his 'thing' with his slut in this small town, where he is now taking her out publicly, may in fact hurt me a tad too much and did that ever cross his mind. You know what? I dont think it did.
My God, what some men think! He genuinely thinks that he is ok doing his thing his way as it is what he wants. I really dont care that little slut gets hurt in the long run, but where does this husband of mine get his licence to run his life like that?
Can anyone make any sense of him?? Any different opinions or takes on it?? or is he just completely f......ed?
And in my head and my heart I know that love needs no deadline. It needs no testing, for true love is just that.
What he has is not true love for me or his slut. It is just his mixed up chaotic mind enjoying two women at once.
His deadline is simply because he has made plans with her for this weekend (more than likely overnight on our boat) and he wanted to get that in to have a few more screws with her before he had to think about calling it off again.
I know that and see it for exactly that and it disgusts me.
He says he wants to break it off with her in a civil manner and in his own way so that they resolve any issues between them and come to a complete resolution this time. He does not want to just do it suddenly as that provokes anger and leaves unfinished business between them. Then they start calling each other again.
For me, breaking it off slowly will perhaps only deepen their respect for each other and lead to an increased infatuation as they seem so 'nice and thoughtful' to each other. I think it better to be brutally honest, painful and angry.
In any case, I do not believe his words. His actions tell me he is still a 'caker' as people have so clearly pointed out. I dot believe he will follow through. And so I have not put any energy into what I would do if he actually did keep his word this time. None what so ever.
Most of me is in fact, terrified that he would call it off with her as I really dont think I can ever forgive him now and take him back. My friends and family and my own children would give up on me as a hopeless case and when it fell apart again, I would have no one to support me.
He's not. He's feeding you a line to make you believe that he is going to break it off with her. He's probably telling her the same thing.
I can't tell you to break it off completely and never talk to him again - I would be a hypocrite if I did. But I can tell you that he IS NOT just trying to "resolve all issues" with this woman before breaking it off. He's NOT trying to "soften the blow" for her. If he has any intention of breaking up with her, she doesn't know about it. He's just trying to string you along - he doesn't want to lose you as an option while he's having his fun with the slut.
He's lying. To you and probably to her too.
And you are right. He will indeed get the message, but he will choose not to call me but to spend more time with her, and even if that time is spent breaking if off with her, where is the courtesy to me. Should I not be the number one concern if he is coming back to me?
Yes, you are all right. I must tell him to go away and that I dont want to hear from him. I have to stop this ridiculous cycle that has made me feel lower than I ever thought possible. I am an eternal optimist. I have lost myself in this.