Well if you are not married, walk away and heal yourself.
You can not change him and do not attempt too.
He has cheated on you and you will never know everything.
He most likely will cheat on you again once things settle down back to whatever feels comfortable to him.
He did not come clean to you, he did not tell you he had a problem, and would never tell you until he moved on.
We have to listen to our gut.
It hurts and it will hurt for a long time.
You must take time out for yourself, to listen to your soul, to heal, to be the best possible version of yourself.
You will not die from this even though it will feel like it. You have to learn from this pain and listen to your soul and spirit.
Listening to yourself and your needs and loving yourself is the most important part of life.

It's normal to want to know what happened, but don't even bother asking him about it because he will not tell you the truth. Cheaters lie, so it is difficult to find out what *really* happened.

Is he remorseful? Will he go to therapy? How long are you married and do you have kids?

You could leave now. It's very hard to rebuild trust, I have been there, and years after, I never trusted him again.

He says it’s because he was depressed and I don’t know if he is really remorseful. He is taking the first step by going to his primary care dr, but agreed he needs therapy. We have 4 kids and have know each other 18 years.

I need therapy myself. I have my sad, crying, anxiety days and I have my days where I don’t feel anything.

Its hard to deal with the pain by yourself, you need people to vent to, you need to be able to write down your pain and hurt.

Do NOT attempt to fix him, it will hurt you more.

Work on you and your health and well being.

If he comes to you attempt to listen without questioning or judging, IF you can let go of those feelings while talking to him you can heal better.

You can not exercise for him you can not eat right for him so you cant stop his actions for him.

Spend time on yourself, and remember to love yourself for your self-worth and value.

I think you going to therapy is a great idea. I would definitely get that going. And you need to be strong around your kids.

He needs therapy as well. Once they get that *second phone*, things aren't good.

As @MemphisWH said, writing it out is a good thing to do, and you can do that now, and for free. Kind of like a diary. You can write it on your computer, get your feelings out. Can delete it if you want. It helps to get these feelings out of your head and on to paper. Can write anything you want. There is also a Journal feature here on this site (see top of this page). I write out things when I am feeling anxious, stressed, mad, etc. I just write it all out, no one else is going to see it anyway.

I hope you can find peace and somehow get to a place that you feel good about things again.

Been through similar with my first husband. He would cheat and deny it continually. I never really got good closure, but he did eventually at least admit to cheating. But the questions were never answered. You may never get answers. Somehow, moving forward requires accepting that you just may not ever get the answers you are hoping for and eventually you have to move on.

I used two phones for work for a very long time, and my wife often criticized me and suspected infidelity because she thought I needed my work phone to communicate with my mistress. I looked for many ways to prove to her that this was not the case, but I failed, and then I began to use https://usechalkboard.com so that. I could use one phone and hide my number from people I didn't want. I hope I have helped in some way. Good luck, everyone.