I do think gender does play part a role. however i also think personality plays a role as well. I know some men that are so needy attention wise.
For me, i need absolutely minimal attention. there are times that i may want attention but those are very few and far between. my significant other on the other hand thinks she needs more attention than i think a person should have. and it was that communication piece that we both failed at to set the expectaion level

i guess that is my problem, I was always taught to do unto others as you would have them do unto you, so I lavish on my men, I give, and spoil, but after a time I feel more like a slave or servant than a prize and when I run out and feel like I am taking care of them and me, why do I need them.....I was not getting what I needed either and gave til that little voice said "circle the wagons", then I was in survival mode and he went on to older, freer legs to climb into....instead of giving back, instead of investing in what he had....that is why I would tell him that he was reaping what he was sowing,he was so busy creating his own life he left me behind, like I told some on here, he actually said to me on many occasions...."why don't you join me in my life, you are so upset with yours and not happy, and mine is FUN, well I am not into threesomes....and his life was suppose to be OUR life, not separate, but that is what worked for him, and now we have no life

I do get a lot of attention from guys but I don't need it or ask for it.I actually hate being the center of attention which is why I never had a wedding

That is interesting shegave - you gave - he took - you didn't get frustrated at his taking - cause normally the givers give up and then go else where and actually cheat sometimes - but flipped the script on you and took from someone else as well?

hmm - a true taker.

The only thing with these types of folks is it isnt worth complaining that much to them anymore - might help you out but he is just going to become numb to the whole thing. You have to becareful of that aspect of it.

Tell him what you want - then step back and see how he moves.

I have never felt so alone as when I am with my husband.

I think it's about the connection, being heard, having our needs addressed.

I like my own company. I can spend lots of time alone, and do, and be fine. But I do enjoy attention and the company of others, I am not a recluse.

Sainted, you're funny. I can identify with your little dialogue!.

I was always a loner. Having met my husband and liked his company I wanted him around. But he trained me back into being a loner by not being around. I used to miss him and want his company badly especially on rainy days (I love rainy days) and when the kids were out of the house with friends or family. I thought that should have been magic time, but it wasn't. Now that I've 'liberated' myself, I need little company and minimal attention. All I really need now is SLEEP!

"I have never felt so alone as when I am with my husband."Wow, do I ever relate to that. I was single for most of 10 years and I was, for the most part, okay with being alone. But to have someone who says he loves me literally arms length away, deliberately tuning me out to avoid getting too close, or to gain control, for whatever reason...I never felt that lonely when I was alone. I would be crying, pleading with him to talk to me, respond at all, and he would just lock down further.

I don't need a ton of attention, but I am not okay with emotional warfare designed to make me invisible.

I have a big need for attention and H has remarkably little need for it. I always said he would make a good hermit or monk. since Dday it is better because he works at meeting my need for attention and I work at meeting his needs also.

So here is an interesting little tidbit from the world of spies, spooks, and all things espionage. If you want to compromise, security wise, a male you do it with sex. You put a female in his vicinity that becomes available to him sexually. If, however, you are trying to compromise a woman, you send in a guy who lavishes them with attention.

satcom66.....that is the truth....to a T....and the worst part is that my h has both problems...attention and sex are his weakness' , that is my dilema...

Onyx: You nailed it, "Tell him what you want - then step back and see how he moves." And, it works the other way around too. I found that honesty (tell what you want) and observation (see how they move) is the most telling of all tales. Thanks for the succint observation.

I think it's like most gender stereotypes where it's mostly true. I've had two significant relationships and both women were very different. One was introverted and didn't need or want to be showered with attention and the other very much needed it. I wonder how much of it is build into gender or the person and how much of it is determined by whether the person is really in love. Maybe the one person appeared introverted and didn't want attention because she never was really into the relationship and that's the difference, not gender or the person. I don't know...