For us, I need a certain amount of attention, but quality far out weighs quantity...for my H it is QUANTITY, over quality....he doesn't care if it is real heartfelt quality time, he'll take shallow imaginary laud...and that is why we are where we are....but he hates the negative attention his choices have brought to us, but mostly to HIM.....how can he be the king if he acts like the court jester, making a fool of himself and everyone around him. Is he "trying" YES, AND YES....but if he would have been strong and true in the first place he would not have to be "trying" he would just be doing, and feeling the love and adoration he so desires......he invested in the wrong things, the wrong people, the wrong places and now that he is reaping what he has sown.....the taste is bittersweet, because he now sees that the green grass contained a snake waiting to devour him and everything that he held dear but risked for selfish pleasure, attention, laud, adoration from his loyal servants....

the lack of attention from my ex (he was rarely home) helped me to find a wonderful man. we were friends first, and then after i was divorced, we became lovers.

if you enjoy someone's company you want to be present in the relationship.

I've never needed a lot of attention. Want maybe, but never needed. I don't even require a job well done comment. My standards are high on whatever I'm doing and I know when I've done good work.

The ex on the other hand required constant over the top attention. A lot of atta boy you did great.I could have given him 24 hour constant attention and it would not have been enough. The three women at a time in his life weren't enough either. Nothing was ever enough for him.

I have figured out through this post A journey that i defintely want more time together (attention if you will). Im trying to accept that quality time is better than quantity. But since his A i almost feel that i do need more attention now. That's likely due to our current place in rebuilding & how he feels that im trying to control him, hence why he doesnt want as much time with me.

Me: So, why did you do it
Wife: Because I liked the attention he gave me...you weren't around.
Me: it's called working, it's all the rage.
Wife: Well, some things are more important then work.
Me: Like marriage vows?
Wife: *awkward silence*
Me: If you needed more attention, why not tell me?
Wife: I shouldn't have to.
Me: Sorry, didn't know mind reading was a mandatory skill
Wife: He didn't need to read my mind, he knew something was wrong.
Me: I think you fucking him was his first clue.
Wife: I'm sorry
Me: Yeah, I agree.

*end scene*

Attention seems to have a bad connotation here - how about acknowlegement?

Well, Onyx, I think that's a pretty broad scope. Generally, see, broad scope, since women (generality) are more interactive, then lack of interaction is likely to be perceived as a negative connotation. Where guys (generality) are more likely to exit to the mancave. I think that both traits are great. They each have their place. And, a bit of both, blended well, is likely a good thing. Another generality.

More specifically, I think it is important for both guys and girls to communicate what they need, why they need it, and allow reciprocation. Every guy isn't a mancave dweller. And, every girl isn't an intimacy clinger. I think there's everything from black to white, and all the greys in between. Letting our partners know when we feel the need for interaction, and when we need a bit of mancave serenity is a good thing?

I don't really need a ton of attention. I do need for him to not wander out of the house while I'm talking to him about my feelings, needs, problems that ought to be addressed as partners, etc. I also need for him to not treat me like a blow up doll to which he's entitled, on demand, even after tuning me out as described.

Just a personal, intimate, respectful connection. That kind of attention.

Girls definitely want more attention. Most guys don't want flowers. It's in our blood,I think .

SheenRe I love your response. I agree. Women generally need more attention than men, although there are exceptions. I don't think I could deal with the mancave dweller.Attention is great when not done in an overbearing compacity. We all need attention in some way, shape, or form. Love a man who can put it all together & soak up the attention I have to give, even when he's being Mr. Icy..Onyx11, I think you need some good ol TLC..

Maybe I'm wrong, but in my eyes Attention = Selfishness...I want a million dollars, but not going to let greed push me into robbing a bank. Nothing wrong with wanting attention...it's acting on that want that fucks up marriages.

Just my opinion...

**Acting on it

I really like everyones replies - saint your replies to your CS were awesome. Well done.

I like attention but I don't really require it all the time nor do any of the dudes I know really require it. (I only really require no drama) - My guy friends - we are the ones who are giving attention mainly to our ladies.

Fibers point on a blow up doll is good too. Dudes can do that as well and I think in general we do need to think about romance or try to be aware of that aspect more.

As guys we normally fix stuff - fetch stuff - troubleshoot - attempt to and relax - try and have some communication and interaction - listen and try not to get into trouble hence hobbies etc.

Pfft, I should post some of our text fights. I've actually used the lines from Rodney Dangerfield..."My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was."

I also generally think that women need more attention then men - men seem to give more attention - especially when first dating (wining/dinning) etc.

Not to say it can't happen the other way around but majority wise.