Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Hart36 08/20/2013

So going through a drawer I found a list of woman's names. Not sure what it was, but correlated a few names as H's ex girlfriend(s). I confronted him over skype about it, of course he was traveling for work, and he came clean with that list as a list of women he's slept with. My name as well as the same name as OT he had an emotional affair with was on the list. He said it was just coincidence and it was me or OT. He continued to say the list was made a few years ago. WTFever!

I distinctly remember watching the show, GUY CODE on MTV with him a few months ago. They discussed how every guy knows his "number". In other words, every guy should know how many women he's slept with in his lifetime. Apparently, my H didn't know his number, so he took the time to think about it and write each woman's name down on paper so he would know his "number"

deleted_user 08/20/2013

If it's a really big number and drinking/drugging was involved in attaining that number, then it's not inconceivable that a person wouldn't know the number exactly. My husband doesn't know his number, and I truly doubt he could compile an accurate list.

deleted_user 08/20/2013

Honestly, without working really hard at remembering, I don't think I could either. We both had a lot of recreational sex before we got married.

deleted_user 08/20/2013

There is a movie "What is your number". It was kind of entertaining.

I have made my mental list. I know my number. The wife and I discussed our number pretty early on in our relationship. Since then, as I have aged, I have struggled with age to remember a couple names. It would have been nice to have a list, but I would not keep something like that around.

So bigger issue -- was it an emotional affair or not? She is on the list -- or is it you on the list?

Blindsidedagain 08/20/2013

When I was a teenager, we used to talk about it, but I can't recall discussing this with any male friends in many many years.

I don't know my number either.

Hart36 08/20/2013

goingtobeok My name is on that list. The woman he admittedly had an 'emotional' affair with-her name is on that list. His ex girlfriend's name is on that list. I find it way to coincidental that all of our names just so happen to be on a "everyone I had sex with' list. H said the names were from a long time ago.....that they don't reference me or the emotional affair woman's name. BS!

deleted_user 08/20/2013

before this devastation, knowing my number (relatively large)was a "point of pride." How horrible was that? Now it's a point of total disgust! I'd give anything if I could reduce that number to only a few!

Unfortunately I can't un-ring those bells.

deleted_user 08/20/2013

I'm confused, Hart. Is it your name on the list, or your initials, maybe?

It sounds like you and she are both on the list and therefore you conclude that his affair was physical and not just emotional.

Or is he trying to pass the list off as something else, and then it's too coincidental that you and she would be on the same list with some other criteria?

Hart36 08/20/2013

My name is on the list, her name is clearly on the list. He has already confessed that this list is of all sexual encounters he's had in his lifetime. He insists the list was made over 2 years ago. Yes, I'm stating the obvious that he not only had an emotional affair but also physical with same person. Since all of us-his ex, myself and this other woman are on that list, I would say it's a safe assumption.

Cole50 08/21/2013

I know my number, but only because it doesn't require any compilation. 1. Not hard to remember.

Honestly, I'd never heard of this statement before. I guess I've never had a reason to know about it.

deleted_user 08/21/2013

Hart, consider that this list is a ploy. You said he is trolling craigslist. Perhaps this list was conveniently left to show you he is not as bad as he truly is. Craigslist if a cesspool and if he is trolling there, he is in bad shape. Then again, maybe some craigslist conquests he would not even know their names to put on his list.

Why are you still with this guy?

DeliAnnem 08/21/2013

I remember that movie and thought it was kind of gross. I'm not familiar with Guy Code, though. What's the premise? Is it a talk show? Sit com?

I also think it's really immature to obsess over a number. Why let what you do in the past define who you are NOW as a person?

Cole- I think that's rare nowadays. Anything your parents did to make that happen for you?

fst86411 08/21/2013

I find myself in the very small boat with Cole. This was always something I was proud of and a little embarrassed about to.

Learningskills 08/21/2013

You shared, "My name as well as the same name as OT he had an emotional affair with was on the list. He said it was just coincidence and it was me or OT. He continued to say the list was made a few years ago. WTFever!" I see your gist....you believe he had more than an emotional affair? You shared, " that they don't reference me or the emotional affair woman's name. BS! " Yes, BS!

Hart36 08/21/2013

Guy Code is a comedy type show that is supposed to reveal secrets that Guys hold near and dear among other guys. Supposed to be funny......

I am with my husband because I've decided to give him a 2nd chance. His job required him to travel 2- weeks out of every month and he was away from home very often. When it comes to sex, emotional support etc you have to get real creative with skyp and different avenues. I got tired of dealing with it because he needed so much attention and I had a new born to deal with so.....

Anyway, I chose to stay

deleted_user 08/21/2013

Ok ... is his still accessing porn that you mentioned in a previous thread a deal breaker or his still deserving a second chance. For someone trolling on craigslist, porn is a totally slippery slope.

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