Does anyone know if I can retrieve deleted texts from an iphone ? he has given me the go ahead to do this but I have no idea where to start .

I think that I read on an apple forum once that you can look in your computer archives if he syncs his phone with your computer.

Wow - you guys actually got to TOUCH your spouses phones let alone LOOK at them? Huh. Yes my cheating asshole went out and purchased a separate phone - just in case he accidentally left the other one out (available for ME to actually see). When I was told about the phone line - he started locking the 'other' phone (the one I was paying for on the 'family' plan) and deleting his history. Then - he was always deleting his history on the computer, I became suspicious of that. One day I opened the laptop to find he had not closed his little Yahoo account saying to someone "Hi, my name is Jason. I am 6'1, 240 lbs, I like to play pool and poker. What do you like to do?" Huh - WTF? AND that was AFTER I found out about his secret phone line! Next thing I knew - suddenly my laptop disappeared and he had gone an purchased his own - with a password so now nobody but him could use it. So I had to go and buy myself another laptop. He's a cheater - dump the asshole.

I find this confusing to follow. You say in your post your good friend's husband confronted you and your partner, to tell you that your partner is texting his wife, which happens to be your good friend. No where do you mention you contacting your "good friend" or even holding her accountable for any of this. Have I misread something? And now you refer to her as "the lady in question".

To answer Betrayedintorono, sorry if I have not been to clear in my posts. This woman was a good friend (or so I thought) we all used to socialise regularly. When her H showed me the texts my partner had sent to her I did challenge her and she apologised for not telling me. She said that she did not take them seriously as she thought he was drunk ... (amazing due to the content !!) She said that nothing ever happened physicallyIt was all so vague at the time (and still is) I think I was in shock and probably did not ask the relevent questions, also that day I had just been to the funeral of one of my best friends , talk about timing. I did not at any time have reasons to question their behaviour together, when I was with them. Her H has asked me not to contact them anymore as they are moving on. Great, I can't move on without knowing anymore and only she can give me the answers I need. Waiting for the phone logs to arrive so at least i will be able to see how much contact they really had, still feeling very uncomfortable with his lack of memory regarding the texting. Hope that makes a bit more sense !

If I'm following this right, the husband of the ex-friend doesn't want either of you (you or your partner) to have any contact...if that's the case, there's more to this, and he isn't dealing with it very well (my opinion). The fact that he's not sharing what he knows could probably be part of being ashamed. He feels responsible for his spouses behavior. He thinks that if she just stays away from your partner, everything will be fine...I disagree, but good luck to him. i don't know how well I'd be able to type if I was so drunk I didn't remember things the next day. If your husbands iPhone is backed up with icloud, that's probably easiest, and if it's sync'd to iTunes, there are ways to get texts from that, as well. Apples site, and cnet.com have recommendations for programs for backing up or retrieving text information. Honestly, I think you already know he isn't on the up and up (nor was she..."oh, I forgot to tell you your boyfriend/husband was sending me flirty texts, I thought it was just cute drunk talk, isn't that what friends do?). And I don't recommend reading the texts...they will haunt you. The easiest thing to do, if he's truly cooperating, is to tell him to stop deleting his texts, then match his texts to the phone bill. Depending on the carrier, you can log into the account and see all the numbers that his phone has texted/received. Was she texting him back? I'm guessing she has a history. Couples don't last very long if one partner is constantly accusing the other of cheating - I doubt he does that for no reason. Maybe you could ask him again, to please tell you what he knows. Maybe he's scared that if you leave your partner, he'll double his efforts to take away his wife.

my soon to be ex husband is an alcoholic. he played the "i dont remember, i was drunk" crap sometimes too. but in all reality, that's an excuse. alcohol doesnt prevent you from knowing at the time that something is wrong to do, it just prevents you from caring about the consequences at that present time. agree with #21 wholeheartedly and was going to say that myself: if he was soooooo incredibly drunk that he really blacked out to the point that he truly can't remember, he wouldn't have been able to txt coherently.. It's just an excuse. Rarely does binge drinking result in true amnesia that you never get full recall of, he just doesnt want to admit it to you. And/or as someone else commented, they planned together that if they were ever caught to claim he was "soooo drunk" as their cover story. sorry, been there, heard it, got the tee shirt, i dont buy it anymore, after all the times my stbx tried that crap on me. the truth will come out eventually.

as for your "friend:" a few possible scenarios,
1) nothing else has happened, but she wants it to. maybe specifically with your H, maybe with anyone who's not her H, who knows. She hid it b/c she likes the attention.
2) more has happened but she's not ready to leave her husband and/or worries your husband won't leave you for her, so she keeps it on the down-low so they can keep it up, unhindered
No one who is your true friend is going to keep something like that from you even if she's assuming he's drunk. That's not what friends do. Her cover story makes absolutely no sense, I dont trust her

And, clearly her own husband doesnt trust her. He knows her better than anyone and thinks she's a cheat, there must be reasons he thinks that. She did hide this "flirty" contact, even if that's all it is, which i doubt, from you, so clearly she's not an honest trustworthy person. And now her H wants both you and your H out of their lives??? Yep, she did something bad, either now, or in the past, or both. He's hoping if he "grounds" her like a naughty teenager, he can get her behavior under control. He's in denial and doesnt want you asking questions, he just wants his wife to change, he doesnt want to face the whole scenario.

Just my opinion, of course, but glad you are looking further into this. My gut says there is more to this than they've admitted, and they are hoping and praying you can't uncover it.

I agree wholeheartedly Happymama2j, your post is well articulated.

She's hiding things that happened between her and your husband. And it's clear they have a pact of silence between them. Don't accept anymore of his pitiful excuses.

I wish you well.

bobbyjane,
You seem like a reasonable individual. Leave the other couple alone at this point. It is their problem to deal with too (her infidelity or deception).

You circle this back to you and your life and what you want. Do you really want to stay with someone that would do that? Why? Examine all the parts of your relationship and ask yourself, does this seem right?

I am sure you will come up with the right answer. Please move on before you are lied to or hurt any further.

Just to update you all, I told him to pack his bags and he went 2 days ago. I dumped it all back on him and told him that I want to live my happy life with or without him , and if he's on board then he has to fix this with me. It''s good that I have some space right now to clear my thoughts and think through whether I want him or not.
In 2 weeks he is taking me away for a long weekend and I told him to think about his behaviour in the meantime and see where we go from there. Of course I love him very much and it all hurts deeply. He is very upset and cries all the time, he keeps telling me how very sorry and ashamed he is by what he's done. But until he tells me the truth, its over. I still think more happened...but he needs to tell me this before I can move on one way or another.

Oh just one other thing, this so called friend has deleted me of facebook !! again this speaks volumes to me that something else happened and does not want me contacting her. Another mutual friend who I confided in told me that she calls them the "odd couple". She said something is very off with them, couldn't agree more !

Hmmmmm, I know I am jumping in late here and here is how I see it.

Maybe nothing more did happen between your guy and this woman. Maybe they just want to disengage from your partner and they want to heal where they are. You mentioned that the lady's husband is a bit jealous and all, so it's not surprising he would block all contact - even with you. 'We aren't having anything to do with them again.' Sometimes, controlling partners do that. It happens.

As far as your partner, I am glad you broke it off at this time. If he's drinking, and that is what he's using as his excuse, then he should stop. As long as you would stay with him, if he's actively drinking, his misconduct would always be your mess. You don't need that.

I hope you take the time to enjoy the peace you have now.

L~

Feeling very low tonight. I thought we could try and work it out but he is still saying he can't tell me anymore or explain why he did it . Really ? He's burying his head in the sand ..not being honest and open with me. Well I am done . If he can't be bothered to open up then it's over . Going into no contact as of now. l

damn, This is so unfortunate, but in the end it's for the best. In time you will heal. I know you don't want to hear this crap because this shit hurts it's frustrating, and it makes you angry. You're probably going through all of these emotions & then some. I can empathize with you & I really hate that it's come to this.

Good job, you're doing the right thing. Stay strong. I hear it gets easier. You deserve better. Hang in there.

HUGS!

Okay, we made up, he swears it was all drunken stupid behaviour. I have given him another chance and we are doing really well, that was until a few days ago, when we bumped into her husband ..OMG he went ballistic at my partner, telling him he is a dead man over and over, and that he is a sex pest, got a mental problem. He was so angry and I had to pull my partner away before it got physical. I feel sick, upset and do not know how to handle this at all. We live in the same village and its so likely this will happen again. Its triggered me in every way...was there more to this, is my partner still lying to me about what really happened?? The anger from her husband does not seem reasonable , I get that what my partner did was bang out of order..but still after 4 months ?? surely he would have calmed down a bit and ignored us both , but he was seriously demented in his confrontation ...I am starting to question our relationship all over again...I really do not know what to do .