It's really up to you. Every situation is different.

I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this, and you have two little babies too..... this is the last thing you need!

I can tell you that it is very, very hard to rebuild the trust from something like what you are going through. You will doubt and question where he is going for many years to come. You will be checking up on his every whereabouts.

What makes this different is because YOU found out he was cheating. This makes a difference. He did NOT come to you, remorseful and guilt-ridden, confessing what he has been doing, and begging for your forgiveness.

I have found that when you are the one that just happened to catch them... they had no intention of stopping (they will just go underground with it) and it is harder to forgive and forget when you were the one that caught them. They panic and promise you the world because they got caught.

Cheaters are liars, so be careful believing anything he says right now. He will promise you anything at the moment.

Please go get yourself checked for all STDs first.

It is up to you if you stay or not. I would suggest individual counseling for the both of you. You are going through a trauma, and talking to a professional would really help get your thoughts together as to what you want to do next.

And you have a newborn.... this is all just so sad. And remember, you did nothing wrong. Nothing you could have said or done to prevent his choice to cheat.

Some couples do work it out after infidelity but I find it curious in your case the the cheater wants to go to couples counseling. He has cheated so much and now wants to make a huge lifestyle change for himself? This can happen. Some people do change.

But I wonder if this is smoke and mirrors and he is not sincere. If he has given you a sincere apology and taken responsibility for his actions, is being honest about his transgressions, there is a chance. You do not have to forgive him and we can't automatically give forgiveness anyway. Forgiveness takes time. We have to work through our own feelings of betrayal, rejection, loss, mistrust, questioning, etc. Do not allow him to bulldoze you into automatic trust again. There is a good book that explains a lot of this called "Why Won't You Apologize?" You get to have feelings and your feelings matter. You get to take whatever time you need.

And this may sound horrible but be sure to go to your doctor who does your Pap smears and have an STI and HIV check. Make him use condoms. Pay attention quietly to where he is at and what he is doing. If he sincerely regrets and is willing to make true amends to you, he will know that telling you everything is mandatory. If he goes back to blaming you or sliding back into the you have to trust him BS, well that may be him manipulating you.

You may not want to have intercourse with him because you don't trust him. This is something to be honest with yourself about and be willing to stand up for what you need in this marriage. Lack of trust with the partner can make women lose their desire. You are not wrong if you feel this way and honor yourself by acknowledging and not doing self blame.

Focus on your baby and other small child. Take time to rest your mind each day. You do not have to make a big decision now. You do not have to automatically forgive, please do not as that doesn't work. Individual therapy for yourself is really a good idea as Girl said above. Couples therapy can work if you are willing to talk about how you feel and hold him accountable.

I have another thought: this man has a pattern of cheating. He appears to like the thrill of the chase and the illicit nature of having other women or men he is getting some from. I am not sure he can automatically cut that thrill of the chase and desire for "wrong" sex out of his life. I think this takes a lot of therapy and hard work to change oneself for.

And this may not be his first time to cheat. But it is a character flaw. I am saying that out loud. He has a problem with his character. And he lied to you so he also has a problem with his character as a liar. If you don't understand what character means, google it. It helps to call a thing a thing. It helps to name our feelings and name the reality of the situation. However you feel and however you think your situation is.

There is a lot of hurt, shame and confusion when one first finds out about a partner's cheating. Why aren't we good enough? This is not about us, it is about their character or willingness to lie and seek thrills outside of the relationship or marriage. You get to decide.

That stinks.

Stay strong

my honest opinion is if he cheated the whole time of your marriage, he will always cheat. If you can handle that then sure work on it. But most women want their husbands to themselves and to be loved enough to be enough. I doubt his spots will change if he has never been faithful

I would like to add that from your post of having a child and such I am taking it you are younger. If I had been a young woman when I found out about my husbands affair I would of done things differently. My husband and I had been together since high school 15 and 16 years old. We are now 62 and 61. We had two children and one grandchild and twins on the way to make it three when I found out. We had grown together, learned to make love togther we were each others onlies. for that reason when I found on in 2011 I stayed and worked on it. I could not imagine busting up our family. My husband started cheating when we had been married approx 27 years, we actually still made love three times a week, and had a good life...but one child was in deep with an eating disorder/drugs/alcohol. That was the one rif and thing we disagreed on all the time....she played us against each other (now she has passed) and it has been a long journey. But he had a five year affair with a chick at work that wanted to pull him away from all he had because of his job/pay etc....she wanted what I had. LONG LONG icky story....where a guy in his early 50's has mid life crisis. That being said I thought we were worth working for since we had built a life that deep, IF I was only married to him for five years and found out he had been lying and cheating all along...NOPE it would of been so totally over. It was hard enough with the deep relationship we had to be still together 12 years after him breaking my heart.