Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Hi everyone, my wife and I separated in December 2009 and eventually divorced in November 2010. We broke up because of her cheating on me and other things. I was devastated and struggled for several years. There has been very little to no contact with each other since then. Suddenly, a few months ago she contacted me and wants to be friends. She wants to know that I'm happy and doing well. She doesn't want me back or anything like that. She already has a steady boyfriend and lives 1500 miles from me. I would like to be friends (or at least civil with her) but she just cannot understand the pain she has caused me because of the lying, cheating, and abandonment.
I guess my question is: How can I help her to more closely understand where I am coming from? Is there a book, an article, or anything like that and I could have her read, so she might be able to more closely take into context my pain and reasoning behind being unable to forgive and forget at this point.
Any help would be greatly appreciated, thank you. :)
I guess my question is: How can I help her to more closely understand where I am coming from? Is there a book, an article, or anything like that and I could have her read, so she might be able to more closely take into context my pain and reasoning behind being unable to forgive and forget at this point.
Any help would be greatly appreciated, thank you. :)
Learningskills
You don't owe her any explanations.
DeliAnnem
Just say, "I am sorry, but you hurt me too badly and we can't ever be friends. That's what happens when you cheat on your husband. And how I am doing now is no longer any of your concern. Put your attention on your new BF and I hope for his sake, you don't ever do to him what you did to me."
deleted_user
We want to think the scum bags that wrecked havoc in our homes, destroyed our trust, gouged out our hearts and left our lives in shambles could really have remorse and care about us, don't we? I caved in and even dated my ex CS briefly, after his affair partner finally left him. He completely convinced me "I want to spend the rest of my life with you". He even set up counseling for us to start. Then, he betrayed and abandoned me again; Sold his place and moved in with a super wealthy widow (and I found out he'd been with her when we were married, as well as when the AP was living with him.) if you EVEN ENTERTAIN the possibility of meeting with your ex wife, IMAGINE the worst case scenarios and how you will react...then decide if you want that new trauma haunting you.
betrayedfor30years
Ditto!@DellAnnem
MrCellophane
I agree with Learningskills. You don't owe her anything. But I don't think you should go so far (as suggested by DeliAnnem) as to tell her "You hurt me too badly." Just tell her, "I've moved on. I don't need you in my life, and I don't WANT you in my life. Good luck to you and your new boyfriend. Buh-bye."
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