Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
My relationship officially ended last night...we're getting a divorce.
Up until now, I had hope that we could work things out. That he was going through an angry phase, and that after, he would realize what he lost. I moved out last week because I caught him sexting another girl, saying that he wishes I would sign divorce papers and let him free...this was news to me. I had hoped that when I left, it would be a wake up call. Last night we talked for the first time in a week. He said he wants a divorce. That he's told everyone he wants a divorce, and that he's happier now that I'm gone. He said he already thinks of me as his ex-wife. It was hard to hear, but after the sadness passed, I went home feeling better. I should have felt like my world was ending, but there is something very sobering about knowing where you stand. It was closure.
I realized something very important. The person that I loved, my husband, never would have let me go. He would have broken down a door to get to me. But this person who I was speaking with was desperate to get out of our marriage. And I'm okay with that, because if he was really mine, nothing could have taken him away from me. He started to get mean, because he started to drink, and he tried to say that the past 6 years together weren't even that great for him, but I stopped him and left. He can't take those very happy years away from me. We had a great marriage, up until this point, and just because he's angry and trying to hurt me doesn't give him the right to try to make those years meaningless. That makes me think that he's not dealing with his emotions at this point, but I'm not going to wait around for the moment when he realizes he threw this relationship in the garbage.
I never thought I would hear him say "I want a divorce." Not from the man who told me he loved me every single day for the last 8 years. But life goes on. Hearing what I desperately never wanted to hear actually gave me a lot of peace, because now I can move forward without looking back. I really hope this story helps you, especially if you fear divorce, and you feel desperate. Even if the relationship ends, you keep going.
C
Up until now, I had hope that we could work things out. That he was going through an angry phase, and that after, he would realize what he lost. I moved out last week because I caught him sexting another girl, saying that he wishes I would sign divorce papers and let him free...this was news to me. I had hoped that when I left, it would be a wake up call. Last night we talked for the first time in a week. He said he wants a divorce. That he's told everyone he wants a divorce, and that he's happier now that I'm gone. He said he already thinks of me as his ex-wife. It was hard to hear, but after the sadness passed, I went home feeling better. I should have felt like my world was ending, but there is something very sobering about knowing where you stand. It was closure.
I realized something very important. The person that I loved, my husband, never would have let me go. He would have broken down a door to get to me. But this person who I was speaking with was desperate to get out of our marriage. And I'm okay with that, because if he was really mine, nothing could have taken him away from me. He started to get mean, because he started to drink, and he tried to say that the past 6 years together weren't even that great for him, but I stopped him and left. He can't take those very happy years away from me. We had a great marriage, up until this point, and just because he's angry and trying to hurt me doesn't give him the right to try to make those years meaningless. That makes me think that he's not dealing with his emotions at this point, but I'm not going to wait around for the moment when he realizes he threw this relationship in the garbage.
I never thought I would hear him say "I want a divorce." Not from the man who told me he loved me every single day for the last 8 years. But life goes on. Hearing what I desperately never wanted to hear actually gave me a lot of peace, because now I can move forward without looking back. I really hope this story helps you, especially if you fear divorce, and you feel desperate. Even if the relationship ends, you keep going.
C
im sorry you have to go throug this. I know it hurts knowing that he is not the person now that you feel in love with.
He is not accepting his wrongs and is taking it out on you, and that is not fair to you.
I'm hoping to find love again one day, but I'll always have the love I have for myself. And that's the most important relationship you will ever have.
I hope that is fine - he may stick his head out the window of crazy town and wish he had back what he had before - that will come in time - but you don't want to be hanging out walking around the outskirts of crazytown on the sidewalks during this time period.
You should move on as if you also have a fresh start - I am sure you are going to be thinking of all your good memories - and he will probably try to rewrite history - don't let him do that - but you will process and move on - this takes years to fully do. I am still in the middle of mine - but as time goes on - I start to think about all the short comings my STBX had - and their was a major list of them - but I never pulled it out - but that list is starting to really show itself as time goes on.
This will probably happen to you and at the point where you really - really want zero to do with your H - that is when he will magically jump out of crazy town and hopefully you will be on a luxurious island - sipping tropical drinks and being fanned by whomever is lucky enough to be in your life.
For the first time ever, I'm okay with this decision. It's not what I wanted, or what I thought would ever happen to us, but if he is in crazytown and this is something he's doing without really, truly understanding the consequences, he's really going to regret it, but I'm sick of being unhappy. I hope to find love again, one day (not anytime soon, yikes!) I thought it was him, but he's not who I thought he was. Maybe he hasn't been that person for a while.
I hope one day he realizes what he's done. He's in such a hurry to purge me from his life right now that I don't really think he's dealt with his own feelings. I know he cares for me a lot, but he's completely void of any emotion right now. He told me that he doesn't feel anything anymore, love, or any sort of emotion. How long can that last?
I'm not putting my life on hold any longer to find out. I hope he stops trying to re-write the past and remembers who we were and why I was so important to him.
Astory, I glad to hear you're doing well. A part of me wishes at times that my H would just leave me. Because I don't think I'd ever have the courage to leave him. But as long as he's comfortable with his situation he won't leave, and I don't have it in me to be cruel, or cheat on him or anything like that. Even though after I asked him for a divorce last year I started talking to another guy ever so briefly, felt good for about 5min, and then I felt worse. It wasn't worth it......
ANYWAY, the good thing about this is you get to start over completely fresh! You can take this opportunity to build a brand new life :-). Be happy.
Good luck in the future!
Do not be conplacent, that is a falicy.
Too many fall into the dullness of existance onyl to wake up 10, 20 or 30 yrs later.
OMG what have I done but wasted my life.
This I have rewad to be the sadess posts for they cannot get lost years back.
He is in a hurry for a stupid reason - whatever the reason its ---- stupid --- and anyone in a rush hasn't thought out crap --- probably some girl in holding or whatever cause no one is in a rush unless there is some Plan A in their fantasy world of crap.
The way you write though - sounds like you are processing this very well - much much better then I first did.
Give him what he wants - I have so many stories of so many friends that this has happened to and in the end - the WS/CS "woke up" and realized what the heck they were missing and that the grass isn't greener on the other side. its actually dead and its crab grass.
Yes - he is the mayor of crazytown - let him figure his crap out - you move on and you will find someone better - more deserving of you. You do you...
I hope one day he does realize what he lost. It won't be anytime soon. I don't expect him to want to be with me ever again. But he'll have to acknowledge this one day. At one point I felt like I had my heart ripped out. All of this pain is coming his way one day.
C
These situations are so sad - take your time next time and try and find the right guy. Nothing is a gauge for if you have a broken person or not but if they come from a good upbringing - parents still together - etc - that is one factor - not a guarentee.
I waited till I was 28 years old to get married mostly cause I thought I found the right one and wanted kids. My STBX parents are still together but her father cheated on her mother for 6 years and where she grow up every male cheated and had lots of affairs and this is very normal there.
Well, she turned out very broken but still it lasted 10 years with 2 awesome boys.
You STBX (dude) He will come back for you - they all do - whether your behind that door when it knocks - thats another story.