get yourself to a counselor
men typically isolate themselves when they become aware of wifey pooh's shenanigans
be good for you to vent and get perspective

It’s been 9 months since I found out but it still hurts like yesterday, when does the anxious and being consumed end

I wouldn't be so quick to believe he that it wasn't physical.

Everything a CS spouse says needs to be backed up by proof and facts because they are seasoned liars and deceivers.

I would suggest getting tested regardless of what she says.

The trust and love, if they come back, takes a long time and a lot of growth and effort from the CS.

As long as she is getting some individual counseling and being radically honest and accountable then it should come back slowly.

Many say general recovery has 2 years minimum even with good progress in terms of CS growth and BS healing.

7 months in I was just getting out of the more severe ups and downs.

Ty, it’s crazy I’m a good husband, father but I got caught up in working and providing for my family and I took her for granted. I never cheated on my wife and am still in love with her. But it’s been difficult. She took the easy way out and then all of sudden realized she wanted her marriage to work. Now I feel neglected, I’ve changed am their for her but it seems as if theirs a void. Sometimes she acts like because supposedly there was no sex it wasn’t a affair. I would honestly rather she had a one night stand then a 8-12 month emotional affair. That’s a relationship

You are getting "trickle truth." Cheating spouses tend to reveal only just as much as the betrayed spouse already knows. It seems unlikely that they would maintain an 8-12 month affair without being physical. Adults have sex.

But isn’t it emotional for a woman what made her stay how do I know she really wants to be here

R there supports groups I could go to that r free

dude, wake up, you are a good husband that is married to deceitful cheating shitbag, she'll let you blame yourself for choice to fuck you over

Read my post "Welcome to the newly betrayed". What you need to see is actions matching words. Genuine remorse vs regret at getting caught. Get tested for STDs. Very unlikely it was *only* emotional. Cheaters LIE. What made her stay is to have her cake and eat it too. You know if she really wants to be with you if she does all the things I say in my post and more.

So sorry to hear about what you've discovered and how you have discovered more. That has been happening to me and it does a whammy on your brain and emotions. Each time you discover something new you have to re-assess everything, and it erodes trust in the spouse as it reveals not just more wrongdoing but also current-day lies to minimize or manage. So either she is protecting herself by not revealing everything or is in some state of denial and self-justification. Either way she needs to be doing more of the work to repair than she is. And yes to the idea that you want to look at actions, not words. Think of this as an information gathering stage for you: everything is data to help you decide what to do that is best for you. As another issue, do you know if life with this other person is something she could seriously consider?

I’ve been sick the last few days, the flu and basically isolated alone in the bedroom. It felt good not stressing over the act but it gave me time to think. My wife has never shown much emotion or affection and if she did I was to busy doing me, but never any type of affair. I would think she would be more apologetic and easing my fears. It’s like I can’t mentioned what she did. When i do a fight ensues and she says oh now u know how I felt when I weren’t their for me. Then i say we’ll u sought companionship I dealt with the issues why doesn’t she understand that it’s only been since 8 months. Shit thier affair was longer then that

I know if I forgive we must move on. But she doesn’t seem to realize that after what happened I’m not the same person. She’s treating me as if nothing happened and for 20 plus years she sl used to a certain man but 7 months ago I found out u had and affair and it crushed me if the situation was reversed I would be doing everything to prove to her how sorry and remorseful i was. Sure the first couple of weeks there was more sex and time but know it’s back to the same. I’ve changed no quick fix as she would say. I make myself accessible, try and spend time but she doesn’t seem to take advantage of it. She’s says I’ve gotten used 2 u not being here, u have to give me time to adjust. Then I say but these r the things u said I wasn’t doing and now I’m doing them because I care and realize how I neglected u. And also I say I haven’t done a quick fix I’m proving that I really changed. Ur the one that did the quick fix. Changed for a few weeks and now it’s like I’m not priority

Damn its like cheated on her and I’m sick of it

Playing the victim relieves her guilt. If she can somehow play it in her mind that it was because of something you did then she doesn't have to face her demons and flaws.

You own your own selfishness in terms of neglecting her and she needs to own up her selfishness for pursuing an affair.

Whats pricey