Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
My husband spent the first part of our marriage flirting with his old sex partner. (About six months) When I finally came out of honeymoon la la land and realized what was going on I asked him to stop and he did. Or so I thought. When I thought things were going great he surprised me by admitting he had spent a day alone with her on the mountain skiing and hid it from me for two months. Nothing more happened supposedly but I was still livid. And I'm not sure I believe him. At this point I still wanted to try and get over it and move on with my life. But then two weeks ago he came home and told me that he's attracted to both of his co-workers boobs. I asked him if he would like it if I got a boob job and he's all for it. Every person that I have talked to is on his side. (Maybe because every person I talk to he calls them behind my back and has a long conversation with them) So everyone just expects me to be this saint who forgives him and moves on. But right now I just don't want to be that saint! I'm thoroughly convinced it's only a matter of time before he cheats on me. and I don't want people thinking I can just be cheated on! AUGH I'm so mad! I'm sure I'm just feeling what every single one of you feel. Hate, betrayal, no trust, used, alone....yeah. Do you think he'll cheat?
If he's this way now, it's not going to get better in a few years, much less after you have kids.
Sorry to say, but I'd say cheating is 100% in the cards.
I'd look into getting out of this situation sooner than later.
Also, from what you've described, I hate to say it, but your husband sounds creepy :( Maybe you should tell him you'll get breast implants if he gets a penis implant...
Get out now before you have anything more vested in him and in this
relationship.
I agree that he already has cheated. He cannot be trusted.
Good luck to you.
An adult does not spend a day sking with an old sex partner he has flirted up for months and not have sex. They most likely had sex within a few minutes of meeting up. Went and skied for a while and then had sex again. Possibly even a third time.
Call her and say you just need the truth. Then lie your ass off. Tell her your husband is saying he used a condom each time and you need to know if he did or not because your worried about a rash and you think he has only been with her and you, and if he used a condom then you think it will just pass because you hate going to the OB. She will sing like a canary.
Then get divorced ASAP.
Then use what you get out of the divorce to get a boob job if you want it, but lots of us guys see right through boob jobs and do not find them as attractive you some of you gals think.
Also agree he should love you for who you are unconditionally. I lived that life trying to be someone he wanted, and it cost me my self esteem and sanity. It's so not worth it. You are who God made you.
He does sound creepy to me, too. Hope you stand up for yourself before he takes advantage more. Good luck!
Don't have plastic surgey for anybody else ever. That's insane. If you choose plastic surgery to change your body, it must come from a well thought out inner process of your own. That's a huge deal and is changing your physical appearance. Believe me, bigger boobs just means now he will be attracted to his coworkers boobsas well as yours. It won't make him unattracted to them.
Staying or going is your choice but the fact that you have no kids tying you down to staying or swaying you in that direction is a plus. Take a good long look at the marriage so far. Is this what you thought you committed your life to? Is he who you thought he was before you said I do?
Set your boundaries and deal breakers and stick to them.
That your husband has told you about his attractions to other women sort of puts the ball in your court. In other words: Are you OK with this? Are you letting him know that you're not (in no uncertain terms)? Are you sort of letting him know the rules up front before anything (more) happens?
Do I think he'll cheat? I'm with everyone else. I suspect he already has. But - giving him the benefit of a doubt, yes. I think he will. Maybe that's why he's telling you about his attraction to his co-workers is in a desperate attempt to sort of make you make him behave. I've known people to do this - that way in the end they can say, "It's YOUR fault, you didn't ____!" (stop me, look better, clean the house nicer, make enough money, take me out enough, offer me sex frequently enough... whatever...)
I don't necessarily think that your relationship is doomed, but I do think it could be if he's not willing to take steps to be responsible for his OWN fidelity. Thinking it's OK to go anywhere alone with another woman is definitely not taking responsibility.
All of those questions are kinda moot, in my view. Just my view. I think the most important deal is 'here is what I need in my life and in my marriage and this is what you want in yours. Do they match? Clearly not. Cuz your flirting with another woman right after we were married is not want I want. Or your spending the day with her behind my back going skiing (yeah right, like I believe that....) and your looking at other women expecting me to surgically alter myself to make you happy like you are just ALL THAT? what we want out of life and marriage does not match. Please leave as soon as you can. Like tomorrow. I deserve a better man than you and the sooner you are outta here, the sooner I get to finding him.'
Big pic...see the big picture...forget the big boobs.
L~