If he doesn't go to counseling after infidelity, your marriage won't survive. You need it too with or without him to heal. Also check out the website www.survivinginfidelitty.com. it gives the best advice on what to do after discovering infidelity. Look at the posts about No Contact. Follow them like a religion! Message me if you need tips.

Yes, definitely counseling will help you. You should go to your own individual counseling, because you need to take care of YOU. I would suggest doing that right away, and if you can get him to go to marriage counseling also, great. But if not, the individual counseling will at least help you deal with everything you're going through.

We're here for you if you want to vent about what's going on.

Counseling helped only after we were on board that we wanted our marriage. You cannot force it. It’s work.

Marriage counseling is almost always helpful even if some people think it is a waste. Having someone on a neutral ground steering the conversation is better than the couple arguing. But, the big but, is … you get the best result when each spouse is willing to open up instead of hiding and being defensive, otherwise you get nowhere. A trained counselor will not add his interpretation of whatever is discussed but simply asks things like, “What do you think?” or “Would you say that …?” I find counseling with a pastor very helpful because most marriages if not all, have a spiritual dimension and if the spouses recognize that they answer to God more than the spouse then something productive can come out.

We did counseling with 2 different therapists. It helped but just enough to keep us afloat. Honestly at year's of riding a roller coaster, my husband started watching TED talks about infidelity. About the bs perspective. He started to see things differently.

Prior to that all he could ever do was apologize over and over. Admit his wrong doings and then want to move on. I could never really "move on". I felt unheard. I couldn't really heal properly within the marriage without feeling heard.

Maybe you could start researching videos (I reccomend searching ted talks) that really speak to you and where you are coming from. Send them to him. If he can watch even 1 and be willing to have open conversation about it, you might be able to discuss counseling too.

Finding the right therapist is very important.

I'm curious about the same thing, great question!

I'm curious about the same thing, great question! Thank you for that

i cannot recommend marriage counseling enough. like the other posters said, both parties have to be willing to go as well as willing to grow through it while you’re in counseling. but once both parties are willing to commit to it, it’s extremely helpful. there are things you can learn about your spouse that you never knew. i can say that every couple is different, and if you feel like it’s not working with the first therapist do not give up, my husband and i had to switch therapists a couple times until we found the perfect fit for us. hang in there!