I think it's very different when one must wear the shoes?

Nobody deserves to be cheated on. If it's wrong, then it's wrong for anyone. If we start justifying under one circumstance or another then when does it become justifiable for me, the CS? Could any of my 'reasons' be good enough?

Yea - I think its those who dish it out - can't really take it.

Not that cheating should happen but when it happens to someone who has been cheating... This guy supposedly freaked out big time. No one really cared cause he had a huge track record.

In that instance then, sure, he was mad. Other CS probably don't care, just as a lot of them probably do. Too hard to generalize.

If you have a CS that doesn't care - you have either a numb person numbyling going through life or someone who doesnt love you enough to care.

In that case - they probably won't care too much what you do actually so who would care if they cared. F them.

Who among us - the betrayed spouses - has not thought about cheating, too? I bet almost everyone.

My therapist says that if one wants to save the marriage, it's not
a good idea. He also says it is mirroring their behavior.

I say so what! My cheating S.O.B. spouse changed all the rules as
far as I am concerned. If the opportunity presents itself, I shall do
what I want. If my husband doesn't like it, too damn bad! Like he
ever worried about me when he was in that hotel room with his bitch!

It crossed my mind, very briefly, for a second. But, I'm glad I didn't. I wanted to remain married to the end as faithfully as I had begun so, looking back, I know I tried and I was honest.

Plus, once a cheat always a cheat. My X has already cheated on his new GF who is not the OW, but still...learn how to confront problems, dude, instead of running like a coward. But, I digress, lolol.

Yeah, I did thnk about giving him a bit of his own medicine. So very easy to do! Wow, like that's difficult? HAHAHA! Anyone can do that. Any day of the week, 365. But, how many can remain honest, caring and faithful through marriage? Hmmmm...that takes a bit more stuff of character, doesn't it? I wouldn't become the mirror image of that crap for all the revenge satisfaction in the world. Maybe like seeing a dog "do" in my yard, and then joining in? I don't think so! I'd far rather be able to look in the mirror and respect what a see there. I can look back unashamed at the way I conducted my life. Priceless! Something that I doubt he'll ever be able to truely do. I still can.

my 82 yr old mother just recently told me how she made it clear to my dad oh so many years ago, that if he cheated on her, she just wanted him to know whats good for the gander is good for the goose...

to her knowledge he never wandered, and i somehow think that having that possibility on the table gave him pause to think

I've seen people who handled the cheating both ways. If you stay and try to deal with what the cheater has caused,it's a living hell. When the cheater gets cheated on, it's a living hell. The cheater is weak and self indulged. They want to have their little fling and not get caught. If you cheat back they have the biggest tantrum you have ever seen. NO!NO!NO they can't handle what they dish out. That would mean that they have to connect to reality and face it. Most of "them",will divorce you calling you the cheater. Lets see,trying to rebuild trust with someone else who created the problem OR cheating back to put things on an even ground??????? The hell is the same. Some people would say that it has to do with self respect,so you shouldn't do it. Just my opinion, I think you should do whatever it is that YOU think will make you feel better about your situation. Why is it up to the person who DIDN'T cheat to save the marriage. Did the cheater think about the marriage/kids when they were cheating?????????

Of course nobody wants to be cheated on. That's why the 180 works so well. It shows the cs that the bs can and will move on if the bs doesn't wake up and change their ways.

I don't think my H could ever forgive me and move forward the way I did. When people are cheating they are usualy justifying by thinking their bs has already done them wrong or is in adequate. Therefor being cheated on just adds to their argument that the bs is no good.

I always feel that revenge cheating is wrong even if it feels right for the moment. What does that say about this woman? If the going gets tough shell just stab her new guy in the back? The best way to deal with a cs is head on. Either work through or walk away.

If a spouse had a drug problem should the spouse begin their own drug adventures? What if it's a gambling issue should she spend irresponsibly and further the debt?

I can be a controlling person (trying to change that) but I'll be damned if anybody wants to control me.

I personally agree with - if you were cheating on - if the CS helps you out and you wish to rebuild - you will probably have a better marriage if they do all they can to help you out and fix the mess they made.

But if your CS does not think they have done anything wrong and they continue to disrespect your marriage and you - by lying and continuing to cheat - then for the BS to disengage and move on as best they can to heal on their own and when you are ready to date etc. Like I have said before - you will basically have to try and find your other eye ball that was pulled out by the CS and put it back in your head so you have 2 eyes to potentially see again.

However, some people wait and then pull the nuclear option of cheating on their CS - which also is no surprise but to the CS - apparently it can be.

The thought definetly crosses my mind. I then think about when the kids find out why mom and dad are at odds and if we are unable to rebuild I dont want to be the one to have to explain why I can be so upset at mom for cheating when I did the samething. I would then be a cheater and a hypocrite! Or the alternative would be to flat out lie then I would also be a liar!
I may not have been the perfect man living up to every expectation W felt was important but then again who can honestly say they meet their partners needs 100% of the time. I can look at my children and be able to tell them I failed at times but I honored my marriage vows.

Of course the CS doesn't want to be cheated on... Their moral/logical compass is so screwed up in the first place, otherwise, they never would have cheated.

I think once someone breaks those vows, the deal is off. All's fair game. The cheater made the choice to throw away the marriage if the BS means to interpret it that way.

If my landlord breaks the lease by not providing me with safe, reliable housing, I'd be a fool to still keep paying rent, right???

I never considered cheating. How could I have done something that I found so unacceptable for someone else to do? The thought process of those who try to "even the score" or whatever baffles me.