Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Hi there - here is my issue and I am struggling with it and not sure what to do
1. Been with my bf for 2 years - living together for one year. He is a recovering AA and has depression and sleep disorder.
2. Things were amazing up until Jan 2018 - everything went downhill. We started fighting and he stated on 2 separate occasions that we were not sure he wanted to be in this relationship. He also stated it to his sister who mentioned it to me. He also mentioned that he is not ready to be a stepdad to my 11 year old son. He lives rent free and helps around the house. Our relationship has been very rocky and unstable for me.
3. He hides his phone and is always in his pocket or face down when we are watching tv and I hear the texts come in even at the we hours of the morning. I caught him on match and he has the iphone 10 - so when I do look at it I see texts from women.
4. I have confronted him about everything he states " he isn't cheating or talking to girls" I asked about the phone and he said it is private- where he has the passcodes to mine. I have nothing to hide.
5. He never goes out but you can cheat during the day or on his many business trips- I also found condoms in his gym bag - he states they have been in there forever but I went through it and I have not seen them. I also confronted him about that - he said he would throw them out but I don't think he has.
Bottom line I love him and want to stay with him by my heart hurts because I don't believe him and not sure how what to do and how to deal with this. My therapist said they replace one addictive behavior for another ... so heartbroken and sad.
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So mad at Xfinity! They're trying to charge me $115 per month for the same service I had been paying $50 the last four years. I took the equipment to UPS for shipping and cancelled my subscription today! Next door was a cookie shop called Crumbl. I had heard of it before but never went in until today. I don't need one more sugar fix, but maybe it will help with my sad) grieving heart....$15...
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
it is him and he is in a relationship with you
at best he is a lying sneak
being a lying sneak is not an addiction that can be overcaome
he will lie to you about the sneaky crap he does behind your back forever
i'm sorry that you love him and have invested two years of your life
that you have given him those years
what has he given you?
If you do not like this, toss him out.
You do have an expectation of fidelity but he's a creep and a liar.
Time to move on. He is not going to change. This is who he is.
So if you do not like this feeling you have now, imagine a whole lifetime of it -
You've only been with him 2 years and already cheating on you.
He has medical issues, addiction issues, and is mentally unstable.
He doesn't want to help raise your kid or seems to care about taking any responsibilities for himself or others.
He mooches off you and lives rent free.
He cheats on you and shows no remorse or sign he is willing to change.
Even his sister rats him out which likely means his family thinks little of him and that you deserve better than him.
He's not even smart enough to hide the evidence or doesn't care if you find it.
Your therapist is right. Kick him out and get rid of him ASAP. He isn't boyfriend or husband material, there is no reason to keep housing and feeding him. You already have one child.....who probably behaves more maturely.
His Match.com profile should including looking for food and free housing.
It hurts at first, but you will get through it. It will be better to show your child you don’t treat others that way!
Don’t move in with anyone... unless it is the day after your wedding.
And as a recovered alcoholic myself, I hazard to say your therapist might be wrong about him replacing one addiction for another.
An alternative possibility is that through recovery and seeking a healthier lifestyle, he recognizes that his relationship with you is unhealthy and he wants to dump that unhealthy habit also...
The biggest thing bags being overlooked here is that, whether you like it or not, he’s a role model to your 11YO son.
His damage not only impacts you but your son’s future behavior.
It’s only been 2 years and he carries a lot of baggage that you and your son do not need.
Say goodbye to him and show him the door. AA or not, he isn’t committed to you.
I didn't "blame the betrayed". I merely pointed out that in the course of recovery and gaining a healthy self-perspective, he may have realized he was in an unhealthy relationship. According to the OP, he has voiced his unhappiness with the relationship to both her and others on several occasions. OP also acknowledges that the relationship has been "very rocky and unstable" i.e. unhealthy for her also.
I voiced my position that the therapist's opinion that he replaced his alcohol addiction with a sexual/cheating addiction is a bit specious. I don't condone cheating at all, if he has indeed been unfaithful. But I do think the "just changing addictions" argument is a bit weak. I apologize if my pragmatic approach offends you.
The state of the relationship has no bearing on cheating, it only has influence on whether or not one or both end it and leave.
Cheating shows that the CS still wants the relationship for some tangible reason (comfort, security, housing, convenience) but not to actually person themselves.
I also disagree with your addiction comment as addiction is born out of a poor coping strategy to pain/anxiety/trauma. "If" the person is unable to learn healthy coping skills and how to process and to deal with these issues the results will be to fall back into the same addiction or substitute it for a different unhealthy coping strategy in the form of another addiction.
Things changed this morning - I gave him documents to read in rebuilding trust... clearly he had no interest in reading them.
I questioned the condoms this morning he got angry - that I was asking questions right when he woke up - but that is because I found them in his bag. When he left for work he sent me a text not to bombard him with texts.
My response was simple - I'm upset over what you did - you betrayed my trust you should be showing me patients, compassion, and helping me get over what you did. I also mentioned that he needs to respect my boundaries of honesty, trust and integrity and transparency - which he is not.
I have made the decision to END this - I can't carry this relationship nor can I be the only person wanting to fix it - wanting a future etc.. He isn't doing jack to help me and the text just shows it does not love me at all.
He can say it 1000 times - actions speak louder then words - I need to be a big girl and take action - time to let go
You are all so wonderful and thank you - xoxoxo
This guy however is on a downward spiral that you and your child do not need to be a part of.
Stay on course.....no doubt that since you have shown boundaries he will now try to woo you back with words. He needs a place to stay and someone to pay for his lifestyle.