Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I've tended to always be surprised at the number of BSs who end up cheating. It just boggles the mind that someone who has experienced the pain of betrayal would even allow the possibility of inflicting that on anyone else. Yet, it happens, and it seems often. The OM my W, for example, had a full emotional/physical affair with had also been cheated on, and after two years of rebuilding, they ended up splitting.
That got me to thinking, are people who are cheated on more likely than someone who hasn't to also cheat? I've not attempted to look for any studies on this, but when I think about it, there are several reasons a BS is more susceptible to cheating than one who's never been cheated on.
1. If one believes that sex is primarily a recreational activity, and they only refrain from cheating due to marital vows, they would tend to view their spouse's A as a "get out of jail free card" and cash it in.
2. Being cheated on increases the temptation of a revenge affair, especially if the CS puts on the appearance of doing fine and not repentant. "I'll show them how it feels" becomes a driving force.
3. Temptation to confide in a friend of the opposite sex, especially if rebuilding is not going smoothly, about your marital difficulties you don't feel you can talk to your spouse about--maybe because they won't talk with you--can break down boundaries that unintentionally lead to an A.
4. This may be the biggy. A's tend to greatly diminish the self-esteem of the BS. Low self-esteem leaves one vulnerable to the temptation of an A because the OP fills a whole lacking in the BS's self-esteem. Especially if rebuilding is not going well or has hit a rocky place.
Any other reasons that might be true?
I've noticed for myself, I don't feel as comfortable being around other women as I did pre-A. I've worked around them most of my life in office situations without a care or concern. I've rarely ever had any. Now, I find myself worried what is going on in their mind and I feel very non-interactive with strangers especially. I'm more sensitive of boundaries than ever before. I wonder how much of that is due to being here and exposed on a regular basis to people cheating. After a while, it is easy to feel like everyone you meet is a potential A landmine and it has affected how I respond to them.
That got me to thinking, are people who are cheated on more likely than someone who hasn't to also cheat? I've not attempted to look for any studies on this, but when I think about it, there are several reasons a BS is more susceptible to cheating than one who's never been cheated on.
1. If one believes that sex is primarily a recreational activity, and they only refrain from cheating due to marital vows, they would tend to view their spouse's A as a "get out of jail free card" and cash it in.
2. Being cheated on increases the temptation of a revenge affair, especially if the CS puts on the appearance of doing fine and not repentant. "I'll show them how it feels" becomes a driving force.
3. Temptation to confide in a friend of the opposite sex, especially if rebuilding is not going smoothly, about your marital difficulties you don't feel you can talk to your spouse about--maybe because they won't talk with you--can break down boundaries that unintentionally lead to an A.
4. This may be the biggy. A's tend to greatly diminish the self-esteem of the BS. Low self-esteem leaves one vulnerable to the temptation of an A because the OP fills a whole lacking in the BS's self-esteem. Especially if rebuilding is not going well or has hit a rocky place.
Any other reasons that might be true?
I've noticed for myself, I don't feel as comfortable being around other women as I did pre-A. I've worked around them most of my life in office situations without a care or concern. I've rarely ever had any. Now, I find myself worried what is going on in their mind and I feel very non-interactive with strangers especially. I'm more sensitive of boundaries than ever before. I wonder how much of that is due to being here and exposed on a regular basis to people cheating. After a while, it is easy to feel like everyone you meet is a potential A landmine and it has affected how I respond to them.
I never did because I had it just happen to me why would I do it to him, even though he cheated on me.
I never wanted revenge, I just wanted it to be over and I wanted us to move on with our lives, if that was even possible. I didn't see how cheating on him would change anything , if anything I think it would of made it worse.
Sure I wanted him to feel the pain and suffering I felt, I would of liked for him to have known what I was going through, but that never ever crossed my mind to go out and sleep with someone else just for revenge.
I actually had one of my H's friends tell me he would sleep with me , if I wanted to get back at him?
I had low self esteem for long time, what was wrong with me , must of been something wrong with me for him to cheat on me then as time went by I began to realize that his cheating had nothing to do with me , I didn't fail as a wife, I didn't do anything wrong it was a poor cowardly choice on his part,
I watch TV and see women like Christy Brinkley, Halle Barry, Eva Longoria, all these beautiful women whose husbands cheated on them, so it is not something the BS did or did not do, its on the CS.. not us.
I know my H tried to put the blame on me ,my weight, the house was not clean enough, this or that ,but that was him trying to justify what he was doing ,he had to pick me a part to ease his conscience make himself feel better,