Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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crazymoon5150 12/03/2011

By motto I mean 'If he was happily married then he would not of cheated or left his wife ."(This goes both ways for men and women)
I can't tell you how many times I have heard that statement.

I have not posted here on a long time, and I heard that statement for the last time before I told that person what I thought, and that person being someone who used to be my best friend of 25 years.

The entire time I was confiding in her about my H's cheating ,she was busting up a marriage , another friend of ours. Talk about a knife in the back , more like a sword in the back ,

I had a painful ringside seat to the OW's( my friend) state of mind and actions after I found out (when his wife found a text message and all hell broke loose)

My friend instead of blaming her self for the demise of that marriage and her own she put all the blame on the wife,calling her stupid, fat , lazy, worthless and her own husband, jerk , loser, pathetic. she showed no remorse at all. nothing, not even the slightest bit of compassion towards me who had just been ripped apart by someone just like her .

She completely justified her actions, even when I was screaming at her ,telling her to leave the guy alone

Once I found out what she was doing, I walked away from our friendship, and you know what she didn't even care, because I was just like his wife, I couldn't get it through my thick skull that my husband didn't love me anymore and and I wouldn't let go, " if he was happy he would not strayed. "

She looked me straight int he face 'I am not a home-wrecker , if he loved her then he would not of cheated and left his wife"

Well they are now married as of last month ,and I am not a cruel person, but I wish Karma would come back around and wipe that smile off her f ace. I take it back when I said I would not wish the pain of infidelity on my worst enemy, I wish it on her.

deleted_user 12/03/2011

There is never a good reason to get in the middle of someone else's marriage. I think it shows a lack of self esteem on the part of the other woman. My father was unfaithful to my mother and now my h is as well. I think the OW is pitiful, sitting around waiting for the marriage to fail. They fool themselves into thinking the BS is a pathetic person, who is holding on to a man that does not want them. The real story is the marriage may actually be happy, and the CS will say anything to get what he wants from BOTH women. You were right to dump your friend, she is wrong. There is NEVER a good reason to be with a married man!!!

directingpond 12/03/2011

Good for you for standing up for your morals. I wonder if cheating would be as accepted in this society if more people did that.

deleted_user 12/03/2011

I have been, recently, in the same situation sort of where my best friend has involved herself with two engaged or married men in the last year, shortly after i had discovered my ex was cheating. I finally was able to tell her i no longer want to hear about them. Her apparent lack of morals and character, where she was very shoulder-shrugging and didn't care, disgusts me. Our friendship isn't the same, but I'm glad I stook up for myself.

I also, in no way, blame myself for my EX's affairs. I know now that he is a coward, and the spouses and OP's who involve themselves in cheating are morally handicapped and selfish.

Your friend sounds disgusting. She also sounds like she deserves this guy she has been cheating with.

Trinityhope 12/03/2011

I will never understand why some OW's and OM's of the world think that they wouldn't get cheated on by the partner they are cheating with. I think it's absolutely ludacris that many of them think that way. It has been said, "If they can cheat with you, they can cheat ON you." It's also been said, "If a woman marries a man who cheats on his wife, she will be married to a man who cheats on his wife." The same is the case vice versa. Your ex-friend does not have a pure relationship with her new husband, because their relationship was born and built on sin, lies, and deceit. That is the foundation of their relationship. Their relationship may last, and then again, it may not last. At the end of the day, they are nothing but two cheaters who married each other. Maybe Karma will come and bite both of them in the a*ses!!!

deleted_user 12/03/2011

I also would like to add, at least from my perspective, that yes, we weren't "happily" married when he cheated, and his OW never hid the fact she loathes her husband. However, I was in the same unhappy marriage and i didn't cheat, so at least one of us can tell our son we stuck it out and did the right thing.

Trinityhope 12/03/2011

I'm with you, Trying. I was in an unhappy marriage also, but I didn't cheat. So, one day my daughter will know that I hung in there and did everything possible to save the marriage and that I didn't take the coward way out. Cheating is for Cowards, Period!!!!!!

deleted_user 12/03/2011

My H said once that if he didn't cheat with the OW, it would have been a different OW, so it really is all on him and not on her, but I still say that's bull. He would not have been able to cheat if she had not been willing, so she is as much to blame as he is. It's like handing car keys to a drunk at the bar on Friday night. Sure, you didn't cause him to t-bone that minivan on the way home, but he would not have been behind the wheel if you had chosen to call him a cab instead.

deleted_user 12/03/2011

It's more like he got drunk and the OW handed him the car keys and then, I got t-boned! I chose to stay in our unhappy marriage, he got drunk (akin to the fog he is still living in) and when he wanted to drive, she handed him the key to our marriage's destruction.. In the end though, he's the one who chose to drink in the first place.

I continue to take the high road. I still value the vows I took. I will also eventually discuss with our daughter what her father did. The spin I place on that discussion will depend on what our relationship comes to. I have discussed the A with family members because even though I may choose to rebuild, forgive and move on, my family would never forgive him!

Cole50 12/03/2011

I've always said it is 100% the fault of the CS, and 100% the fault of the OP. If either walked away, it wouldn't have happened. Therefore both are fully at fault for hurting everyone involved, spouses, kids, friends, including themselves.

The fact is there are no perfect marriages. When people are in love, they overlook the faults of the other person. When things are bad, every fault stands out like a beacon in the night, flashing its warning of doom. Certainly there are degrees of bad marriages, but the vow was for better or for worse. It was a commitment to make this work until there simply weren't any more options. And in most cases, it isn't the faults got bigger or worse, but the person who cheated decided rather than honor the commitment he/she made, they would find love with another person. Instead of rekindling the love for their spouse, which requires some work, they opted for the ready-made excitement of a prepackaged deal outside the marriage to solve their problems.

And to be sure, now that they are married, the blinders will start to fall away. The fantasy will fade against the backdrop of day to day living. The imperfections of each spouse will come out of hiding, and they will be faced with the reality that the grass wasn't really greener on the other side. Indeed, it is much, much browner. As stated, any relationship founded upon deceit, lies, and character flaws that can justify cheating is destined to be its own little hell.

deleted_user 12/03/2011

My ex admits that he was happily married to me. He did what he did because of his own state of mind. So OW's aren't necessarily right when they say the CS doesn't care about the BS.

deleted_user 12/03/2011

Awesome post! Karma will get you (her) in the end. Hang in there, and thanks for sharing.

I was happily married too, but I am here now. Trust is a blindfold, and if I was anywhere close to being as smart as I think I was I would have built defenses against infidelity. I have a great wife and she is working with me through this, but damn this sucks.

LyraAryn 12/03/2011

I was not happily married but I did not cheat. I'm still not happily married and I still don't cheat even knowing that he has been an unfaithful husband. The one thing that is different now from then is, that I no longer think that our marriage is imperfect but there are still other aspects of our life together that make it worth staying.
AS for the OW motto..what could they possibly say to justify these "relationships"? Just like the CS, the OWs and OMs know that they are doing the wrong thing. They can't face themselves so they have to tear someone apart. They can't admit to themselves what they really are.

Lstecker 12/03/2011

Excellent post, Crazy! Am I tired of this line of crap?

Oh Hell Yes.

It's cold. Just cold.

It amazes me what women can do to women.

L~

deleted_user 12/03/2011

The other horse crap line for the OP: I have nothing to lose/I'm not the one with the commitment/marriage.

ARGGG! I just heard this $hit today from a "friend" I am phasing out. She has been a serial home wrecker for 25 years (and she is married and has always had 2 married guys at ANY given time).

Nothing to lose? Really? The wife is a bitch? Really?

One of the marriages she helped destroy was with a man (Fred) with 3 kids (all from different mothers). His youngest was one. His oldest daughter had a one month old daughter. My "friend" and her live-in SO were buddies with the OM. and his wife.

Long story short: Affair started, breakup/divorce/bitter custody battle and the OM shoots himself in the head in his wife's garage. My "friend" starts to date "Drop Dead Fred's" best friend....wait for it....a married man with 4 children. Yup, his wife of 40 years is a "bitch" too!

Nothing to lose? Seriously? NO guilt? NO conscience? NO integrity? NO compassion? NO self respect! Yup "nothing to lose"....'cause she ain't much to begin with.

UGH!

deleted_user 12/03/2011

The OW/OM.. what a great post. I really don't like to think about them too much. They prob have their own issues that allow them to knowingly go into that kind of relationship. I have been hit on by marrieds back in my single days. It totally disgusted me. Also, as a bartender I had plenty of regular customers. The marrieds would flirt all night w/ me....asked me out. I couldn't believe they could act like that w/ a wife and kids at home. I can't get into their heads as to how they cconvince themselves that it's ok to have sex w/ a MM-MW.
@ steve- hang in there! Im cheering you 2 on!

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