Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
By motto I mean 'If he was happily married then he would not of cheated or left his wife ."(This goes both ways for men and women)
I can't tell you how many times I have heard that statement.
I have not posted here on a long time, and I heard that statement for the last time before I told that person what I thought, and that person being someone who used to be my best friend of 25 years.
The entire time I was confiding in her about my H's cheating ,she was busting up a marriage , another friend of ours. Talk about a knife in the back , more like a sword in the back ,
I had a painful ringside seat to the OW's( my friend) state of mind and actions after I found out (when his wife found a text message and all hell broke loose)
My friend instead of blaming her self for the demise of that marriage and her own she put all the blame on the wife,calling her stupid, fat , lazy, worthless and her own husband, jerk , loser, pathetic. she showed no remorse at all. nothing, not even the slightest bit of compassion towards me who had just been ripped apart by someone just like her .
She completely justified her actions, even when I was screaming at her ,telling her to leave the guy alone
Once I found out what she was doing, I walked away from our friendship, and you know what she didn't even care, because I was just like his wife, I couldn't get it through my thick skull that my husband didn't love me anymore and and I wouldn't let go, " if he was happy he would not strayed. "
She looked me straight int he face 'I am not a home-wrecker , if he loved her then he would not of cheated and left his wife"
Well they are now married as of last month ,and I am not a cruel person, but I wish Karma would come back around and wipe that smile off her f ace. I take it back when I said I would not wish the pain of infidelity on my worst enemy, I wish it on her.
I can't tell you how many times I have heard that statement.
I have not posted here on a long time, and I heard that statement for the last time before I told that person what I thought, and that person being someone who used to be my best friend of 25 years.
The entire time I was confiding in her about my H's cheating ,she was busting up a marriage , another friend of ours. Talk about a knife in the back , more like a sword in the back ,
I had a painful ringside seat to the OW's( my friend) state of mind and actions after I found out (when his wife found a text message and all hell broke loose)
My friend instead of blaming her self for the demise of that marriage and her own she put all the blame on the wife,calling her stupid, fat , lazy, worthless and her own husband, jerk , loser, pathetic. she showed no remorse at all. nothing, not even the slightest bit of compassion towards me who had just been ripped apart by someone just like her .
She completely justified her actions, even when I was screaming at her ,telling her to leave the guy alone
Once I found out what she was doing, I walked away from our friendship, and you know what she didn't even care, because I was just like his wife, I couldn't get it through my thick skull that my husband didn't love me anymore and and I wouldn't let go, " if he was happy he would not strayed. "
She looked me straight int he face 'I am not a home-wrecker , if he loved her then he would not of cheated and left his wife"
Well they are now married as of last month ,and I am not a cruel person, but I wish Karma would come back around and wipe that smile off her f ace. I take it back when I said I would not wish the pain of infidelity on my worst enemy, I wish it on her.
The OW/OM will always justify trying to steal someone else's partner due to thier own lack of respect for themselves or others.
Boy she has the audacity to blame you, the wife, for her skanky, conniving, cheating, sniveling affair not working out!!!!
Booo hoo, for her! Man, Karma has a whole list of locations to visit, sounds like Karma is going to be busier than Santa this season!
Geesh, what a nutcase that OW was!!!!
On the Karma thing, it will happen, just give them time. They will probably both do it.
The only reason that a CS is allowed to cheat is because someone else allows it. I think that OP know this, and that they are just trying to justify their behavior. "I don't have to feel guilty for doing something I know is selfish and wrong...because the BS is mean, because the marriage was in trouble anyway."
They don't realize that their "justification" for sleeping with someone who is married because "the marriage wasn't doing well anyway," makes about as much sense as watching someone pass out in front of them and kicking the person on the ground as they walk by.
Yes, making a move on a married person (men AND women do it) is a sign of low self esteem, selfishness and insecurity in some ways.
That said, we can't sit here and continue to point fingers at the OP. There is a spouse who made promises and vows to us who is doing the exact same thing AND WORSE than the OP, IMO, because it is our spouse who is breaking the promise, not the OP.
However, the OP is responsible for their own behavior. The fact is that most of the marriages were in trouble before the affairs happened, but the CS AND the OP were responsible for the affair happening. The OP is 50% responsible for the affair.
When someone has cancer, you certainly don't go to their house with the stomach flu and give it to them. And if someone accidentally did do that, the response (hopefully) wouldn't be, "Well, they were sick anyway."
When you see someone passed out on the street, you don't kick them as you're walking past and say, "They weren't doing so well anyway."
If someone is suicidal and standing on the ledge of a building, you don't stand at the bottom and yell at them that they are a terrible person, then not feel bad that they jumped because, "they had low self esteem, and were on the ledge anyway."
And yet, when someone cheats on their spouse, the OP justifies their behavior in participating by saying, "Well, it probably wasn't a happy marriage anyway."
Not pointing fingers, my ex is responsible for his own behavior. Yes, our marriage was in trouble before he ever slept with anyone else. BUT that does not give any of his OW an excuse or justification for seeing a knife in my back and twisting it further in.
I believe in people standing up for themselves and not allowing themselves to be disrespected. Just because you CAN hurt someone doesn't mean you HAVE to, however, but then some people only give a rats a** about themselves.
That said, I just think it is too easy and convenient for people to jump on the case of the OP and not their own spouse. I guess it all depends on at what point of recovery you are at and whether or not you want to reconcile. But then I also see people "reconcile" out of convenience and then spend the rest of their lives "settled" and full of resentment while playing the happy BS on the outside. That's no way to live.
I'll tell you though, I'm not sure that it's working for me...will need to find a new solution! The anger for her is eating me alive some days!