Hi. I am here for support too. But I want to encourage you. Yes, it is hurtful especially with all of the factors that you mentioned. It is good that he is apologetic about it and seemingly wants to make it up to you. It is also good that he was honest about it because he did not have to tell you. These things do damage our self-esteem and make us question ourselves. But why? We didn't do anything wrong. You did not make the decision that he made that hurt you so try not to own that decision. Give yourself time to work through the pain and try to work on forgiveness. OAN, it is unfortunate that your friend has always been flirty and cross that line.

BTW .. it is cheating. Unlesss you gave him a hall pass to fondle other women. Funny thing is he may have only kissed her, but his arms were wrapped around her caressing her body while he was doing this.
Where was her husband while they were going at it? What stopped them? Did he stop and go and wake you up to have sex?
I hope you have dropped her as a friend! She is no friend of yours.

I hope he didn't use "drinking" as an excuse.

I hope her husband also knows what his wife and your husband did. If not, you should tell her husband now.

I hope they did not go any further than "they kissed in the water".

I hope you are no longer friends with that woman. She is bad news.

I guess I don't understand a husband kissing another woman, who is supposed to be my best friend, on our wedding anniversary too, is referred to as "we have a great marriage"? There is obviously a problem somewhere within your relationship and I hope you address it and not ignore this red flag.

That is what is so crazy, we do have a great marriage. We get along, great kids, good sex life, etc. This really came out of nowhere. I would have bet all of my money that my husband would never have done that. It is so out of character for him. He was so ashamed, the week after he called his parents and told them and apologized. He also called her husband and apologized. Even the other friends I've told (only 2) were shocked! My husband has been bending over backwards for a year and a half to try to make things up to me. The problem is that I am having a hard time letting it go. I have forgiven him, but I am having difficulty dropping it.

She is definitely not my friend any longer. She has actually tried to contact my husband via text and by showing up at his office, both things he told me about and showed me the text. In the text, she tells him that she and her husband are separated and she is in a "really good place". I took that as an invitation to chat and I did not like it My husband's reply was curt and he asked her not to come back to the office. I texted her and asked her not to contact him again. Since then, she has shown up at his office again without an appointment. Crazy!

Aside from the marital disappointment, it is a huge betrayal from a friend. We spent a lot of time together, our kids are friends and go to the same school and we have a large extended friend group. I have retreated from my other friends because none of them know, but she is still hanging out with them like nothing happened. That infuriates me! A couple of weeks after it happened, we were at a concert and she was sitting in front of us. After she saw us, she stood up and danced in front of us for the entire concert. It is like she is rubbing it in and I am being punished. My mother tried to warn me about her years ago. She picked up on her flirty behavior and told me to "watch her." But I just laughed. I've never been suspicious or jealous because never in a million years did I think something like this would happen. Now, I am really suspicious and jealous of the women he works with and that is not a good look. I am trying to get my confidence back and to move forward.

There are probably other details that may allow more insight, but....

From what you have told me this "friend" is a parasite who gets enjoyment from destroying other people's lives to make her feel less badly about her own life...which is self inflicted.

She spent a lot of energy and time trying to draw your husband away. What he did was wrong, but while alcohol is not an excuse it is a factor in his ability to resist temptation. They did not have sex (as best you know) and once he sobered up and remembered what he did there was nothing but remorse and accountability for his actions.

Compared to what most of us on this board have to deal with I would say you are in good shape. There is no emotion invested in this relationship and he seems to disdain her even with her ongoing advances. He went out of his way to expose himself which shows he isn't into hiding things. He confessed and is doing everything to make it up to you.

He doesn't fit the MO of a serial cheater or person of significant character deficiencies or someone with significant self esteem problems.

I am so sorry you are going through this situation. One of the pillars a relationship stands on is trust. It seems as if your husband made a huge mistake, confessed and is truly remorseful. You have every right to feel the way you do. I would suggest having a heart-to-heart with your husband. If necessary, speak with a caring professional – a pastor, counselor, mentor – to talk it out. I think with time, it will get better. This is just a hiccup along the way. Stay in peace.

I can sympathize with you. I found out that my husband cheated on our 30th. Trust is trust and even though its minor compare to what he did to me its heart breaking. Its really hard to let go, maybe talking to a professional might help. I wish you all the best.

no you are not overreacting but now switch from reacting to response
where do you want this to end?
trust is trust and the kiss was 100% wrong

- i'm not defending your H but maybe he thought a kiss doesn't matter - a lot of people think such, maybe after doing it, he felt like shit and realized just how much it mattered, if so, all in all that is a trustworthy person

anyway , I hope the right thing works out for you,

You are NOT overreacting. I found out 10 months ago that my husband cheated on me in an emotional affair with a coworker playing a dice game on his phone to hide it. I love him and i have tried almost everything to forgive him and enjoy all the "refound" love he has for me and all of his new attentiveness. But now everytime I bring up questions about it, he says he gave it to God and that he doesnt want to think about it anymore. He just wants to focus on "US" and 'Our greatest love story". For the last 10 months I have been in shock I think. Just trying everyday to let it go and enjoy our quality time together. But now, I am angry and I am afraid that I am starting to resent him. I will admit, I was having major health issues and I was closed up in my room on the weekends, resting and not having any energy to do anything. He claims that he thought I hated him so he started playing this game on his phone with this girl and he doesnt know how it happened but he started to tell her that he loved her and she had been telling him that for some time prior. He finally told me that he couldnt live with me not wanting to do anything or go anywhere and that if I didnt make some changes he was going to leave. I checked his phone the next morning and found out about the affair. He claims that he was a victim of malipulation from her. He realized that she had an affair with his best friend and other people and she bragged to him that men with up to five children have left thier wives and kids for her. She is married and claims that he husband is awful and he is verbally mean to her. He immediately ended the affair with her. but I will admit, I dont think I will ever get over this hurt and the betrayal. We have been married for 27 years and all of our friends want relationships like what we had. I havent shared this with any of them. Mostly because I dont want to be the dumbass that stays with a cheater. I always said I would leave and never look back if he cheated. Please give whatever advice or comments that you feel inclined too. I am a lost soul right now. Thank you.

RE: PONYGIRL -That "Give it up to God" excuse for not discussing it is a garbage excuse and selfish. It isn't about if he wants to think about it or not. If he is truly remorseful he would be thinking about your best interests, which it appears does not. Playing victim just like he claims his affair partner is.

The bible teaches you to make reparations to the victim many fold if you have wronged someone. He should be doing whatever it takes to help you heal, including discussing and answering any questions you have.

As well, given that he is a liar....don't take his word that he hasn't been physical with her. Makes me wonder if the reason he doesn't want to discuss the affair is that he is worried that his story is full of holes.

Focus on US and the greatest love story. Master manipulation is taking place...who says that after cheating on their spouse?

Re: ponygirl I would have a nice little conversation with this woman and I would let her husband know also.

She lives 4 states away. I'm trying to have Faith that My God will fight my battles. I just dont know if this is truly a one time thing or am I being a fool.

God will help guild you in the right direction, but it your responsibility to do the walking.

Thank you for the advice and support that you have given. It helps me greatly.