I have to say that my H started with the flirting, texting, and chatting with women that led to his A. So over reacting not even close..if he doesnt' feel guilty flirting and talking to other women then in my opinion that he would physically cheat as right now it is emotionally cheating to you. It would be one thing if he acted like no big deal and let you see what he says but when my H started hiding his chats and texts, which I didn't realize at the time, he cheated. You have every right to be upset with him.

I agree with most all the comments made on this, so no new news there. Especially my wife, Gabrielle.

Here's what you do. Ask him to have the password to his Facebook account, if you don't already have it, so you can read his interactions. Ask him if he's willing to show you his text with the woman in question, without needing to "clean up" anything. If he won't grant you access to view them on the spot, and give you his user name and password, he is hiding something, and that is always bad.

Then let him know what he is doing is forcing a decision. He'll either cut off all contact with her or with you. Which will it be? He will have limited time to decide.

After that, start following the "180." You can find the details here:
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/healing-infidelity-through-faith/news/view/3932216

I'd say work it strictly. The idea there is both to prepare you for independence if and when it comes time for you to give up on him, and let him know you are serious and this is an issue that is "life and death" to your marriage. He'll either pick you or he won't.

Keep in mind, during an emotional affair as he is having (anytime someone spends more time communicating with a woman other than his wife is an "emotional affair"), he has justified and rationalized his actions. He probably really does believe this is all innocent and no big deal. He probably things he wouldn't cheat on you, even though he is having an emotional affair with her right now, simply by texting and talking with her a lot, even if all they ever talk about is the weather. If he is spending more time with her than you, communicating more with her than you, his priority is mixed up and he is way too attached to her.

Until you can get him to realize that, he's in danger, and your marriage is in danger, as you've already felt.

you are in denial, your husband is having an affair........he is probably more emotionally attached to her than he is to you......would you like to be overreacting? maybe just to protect you from reality? most do, you would not be the first.....if he does not believe he is doing anything wrong why would he cut off contact? forcing him only makes him want to do it more. I bet you can't talk to your ex on the internet or the phone.

Hi connecicut...I'm confused; are you saying I am in denial? I suppose I could be but I'm trying not to be. I am calling this an emotional affair because there hasn't been any sex that I know about. They, at least my husband is denying that this is anything other than a friendship and tries to convince me that I am overreacting, reading too much into things and doesn't trust him. Well, he has the last part right. I'm not trusting anything of a sensitive nature with him at this point. He has discussed an abortion I had at 18 (he doesn't even know the circumstances: he never wanted to know) and how I shave my pubic area with her. Of course I don't trust him not to "share" anything else with her!

Oh, I forgot to add: yes I have an ex I talk to occasionally. He knew that before we were married. The ex and I really limit contact, share family news(births, marriages and deaths) and keep our exchanges to a level that can be read or heard by anyone. None the less, if my husband told me that relationship hurt me; I would say goodbye. And yes, he does use that friendship as leverage to justify what he is doing.

Sorry to those for whom this is TMI. I just needed to make it clear that I know this is an emotional affair. I'm just trying to find out from all of you if I'm "making too much of this" as my husband claims.

def not making too much of this at all. if you dont start making more of it though,you will be in big trouble!
the fact he is against therapy because of a childhood experience? he needs to grow the heck up. he needs to be more concerned with his marriage. the fact he says he wont cut the friendship? sounds like that relationship is more important right now. (these WILL escalate).
i would do what cole said and work the 180.