Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Affairs help marriage?

onmymind2000
onmymind2000
I caught a piece of Dr. Phil about two weeks ago. I am a little embarassed to say I tuned in and watched the whole episode as I am not a huge Dr. Phil fan. However, he had mistresses on the stage(one wrote a book and was having an affair with Gordon Ramsay for about 7 years) and the general concensus with these women was that giving other wive's husbands a place to vent emotionally and feel wanted/needed actually helps the marriage because then the husband goes home, feeling validated, and is having his needs met.

As someone who just broke up with my ex of 13 years, and she cheated 4 times (this last time resulting in meeting and getting engaged to someone while we were dating) I was appalled but intrigued by this mindset. I hadn't considered that an other woman or other man would feel like they are doing someone's marriage a favor?

What are your thoughts?
Lenoire
Lenoire
I resonate with HappyMama2J's reply #35, and Arabella's reply #39. Very well articulated.
sedgwick4914
sedgwick4914
I do not agree that an affair can help a marriage (maybe some very limited circumstances I guess). That being said, I believe that an affair can help "refocus" the cheating spouse to decide what they want and should be doing. The thing is that even if the affair helps the cheating spouse to "refocus" there are so many other problems brought on by the affair that it is ultimately much more destructive than helpful

In my case, my marriage was having problems when circumstances led me to have an affair with another woman who was also married. Although this extramarital relationship did open my eyes to problems with my spouse and give me a new confidence to confront those problems, it has also caused many other problems -problems that are going to take a long time to remedy. Mind you my wife does not even know about the affair and I am nevertheless very weighed down by these other problems from the affair.

So, while yes, the affair did help me see some things more clearly, in the long run I believe it has been very destructive.
refurb
refurb
#47 sedge,

Your Cheating opened you eyes to problems with your spouse ?

Did it open your eyes to any of your defects?
loosingthebattle
loosingthebattle
I saw & watched it too. Things that people say and do to justify their actions are amazing to me. The OW was married too and now it is helpful that they can do this on a buddy system and support each other.
How can a married woman feel it's ok to make advances to her married boss? But it was his choice to reciprocate and not put a stop to it. The tragedy is both sets of kids that are taking the hit.
refurb
refurb
#49,
Both sets of kids are taking the hit.

That is reality, why does our culture dance around that fact.

A cheating wife is a cheating mother and a cheating husband is a cheating father.

So the post about affairs helping marriage is selfish...as anyone in an an affair is.

Maybe the rare cheater sees that and addresses their inner inner issues, it is a shame that such is labeled as noble.
shoretimenow
shoretimenow
I actually disagree...I don't think its a 'rare' cheater that addresses the inner issues. Maybe on this board its rare, but, I actually think its more frequently than that and that marriages can overcome the devastation of infidelity when both spouses are committed to salvaging it.

I know quite a few couples that have overcome this and moved forward. I commend them for that.