I have to agree with Shanny. It is a very personal decision.

We just found out on Friday that we will need to do IVF if we want to conceive. Not the best news. We haven't discussed what ifs..... I hope that we don't ever have to come to that decision.

I am not an overly religious person, but I do believe that if you truly seek the answer to your question and pray about it that you'll get the answer you're looking for.

I agree with Shanny that it really should be you two making that call. I have discussed multiples with my husband and every i remind him that we might be getting more than one. I think it is a very hard call to make and think, for myself i would hope that i could be lucky enough to carry twins and that if i had more than twins i could do it but i might have to get some help from friends and family and take out loans for a long long time. I would worry about health risks and finances, to a point. And the other part of me would probably start mapping out who is sleeping where. It really depends on ones own personal life, whats goin on already in their life and what they can physically and emotionally handle i think.

for me, i have secondary IF and i would have to weigh in what multiples mean to my already busy home. But i think if we are that lucky to be mulitplee blessed it is going to be a tough call and the hardest decision either way.

Ultimately, listen to your dr, your heart and your spouse.

GL!

I agree with the others. It is a decision you and DH really need to make together based on what is right for you. I will give you my input because you asked. Please do not feel you need to do what I, or anyone else here does. Do what is right for you.
I think for us, if we had too many follicles I would cancel the cycle. I know how much it hurts to put in all the work and then not getting to move forward to the "BFP" part. But, I also know that should I get pregnant with more then 3 children, I would not reduce. That is just how I feel in my heart. I understand all the pros and cons of it. I know that it is not healthy for the babies or the Mother to carry that many children. But, there are many women who did it and had beautiful, healthy babies. Because of that and because to me every life is precious, I could not have a doctor pick which child lives and which child dies. I also know if they try to abort one, you could lose all.

I know it is a very touchy subject. I will put out there that I am pro choice. I myself would not abort a pregnancy, but I do not hold anything against someone who does. It is not my place to judge anyone. I don't like it when people use it as a form of birth control, but it is still their choice, not mine to make.

It is also hard because I do IVF. With that life is created, to me, yet I let the doctors decide who has the better odds of surviving and gets transfered back to me.

I know all I said may sound a bit contradictory to some, or even confusing but it is just my feelings, thoughts and opinions. I really hope no one who reads this is offended in any way. I just wanted to give my view to WinniePoo since she asked.

I wish you the very best of luck with what ever you and DH decide. Again, it is a personal choice and I am sure if you listen to your hearts, you will know what is right for you.

I believe its a choice for you and your husband to make together because it would be both living with what happens not anyone else

Me personally I would never make that kinda of choice but thats me and my husbands decision and we dont expect anyonr we meet to feel the way we do But I believe that everyone has a right to make thier owm choices regardless whether I like it not I wont judge its up not up to me Every situation is different ppl are different

But I applaud you inknowing in your heart what best for and to me thats all that matters Best of Luck to you

Our Re talked to us about it also. We said no we would keep them all because the risk is to great to lose the whole pregnancy when just trying to nip out one or two. Then I was like OK so where are the other fetus's gonna be. He said they will be inside you then when you give birth they or it will be wisk away and you will never see a thing. It gave me the creeps. So me and hubby were like we can make it work. He was like I'll work jobs if I have to. But no one can make this decison for you guys. You guys have to make it and be comfortable in it. Good luck and take care...

I agree with everyone else. It really is a personal decision. My husband and I got the same discussion from our RE almost a year ago when we started getting into IVF. We decided personally for us that we would do whatever we had to do to keep as many HEALTHY babies as possible. If that meant having to reduce to keep the rest healthy, then we were ready for that. I guess the important thing is bringing healthy babies into this world.

Whinnie,
As said already this is a decision only you & your DH can make but I also know that sometimes when our minds are reeling it helps to hear the voices of others so we can either find the ones that are alike & which are different. Then we can start to truly discover for ourselves what is truly in our heart.
This gave me an opportunity to sit with this possibility & realize I have some things I need to work out in my own heart. And it reminds me that I need to put this out there for my DH to consider as well. I have not had my RE discuss this with us at all. I am unsure if this is just a possibility when doing IVF. I am wondering if high number multiples (more that 3) are a possibility with IUI &/or with any cycle using stim meds? I mean if I am on stim meds & produce 5,6, or 7 follies I guess they could all find partners, (sperm) & be viable embryos even without IVF.
I have always been comfortable with twins. I have actually had dreams that my children would be twins since was a child myself. But I also know of a close friend who had some type of ART, not sure if it was IVF, & ended up with Quads. It was a difficult pregnancy & there were many complications with their birth. All of them have special needs ranging from health issues to developmental delays & one of the girls has cerebral palsy. I have lost touch with her since they moved, but this was a very difficult situation for their whole family! Yet, there are other families with multiples of 6+ & while I know it is a struggle, who have healthy children.
What is the answer? Well that is a question only answered by thoughtful, open & honest discussion between you, your husband & your doctor. Course I also think, it a discussion God needs to be invited to.
You are in my thoughts I pray you will answer the call that is on your heart!
Big hugs & many blessings!

(Multiple babies or just special miracles, I hope you get what you are looking for!)

Wow...that is a hard one. I want to wish you and your DH the best of luck with making the right decision for you.

I personally knew that I couldn't have any of the fetus' eliminated. I am a faily slender person, so I was never going to put back more than 3 (not safe for me to carry more than that). When we did our first fresh cycle our RE said our embryos looked so good that he recommended just 2.

So, good luck.

This really is a tough question and whichever answer you pick it will be good from some view point and bad from some other. So damned if you do and damned if you don't :) But I agree it is a very personal choice and there are no correct answers, just what works for you.

I personally would try to minimize chances of more than 3 even if it means going through multiple cycles. This is because it would be immensely difficult for me to do the selective reduction if I had to, but I also know I would do it to maximize chances of having healthy babies. Yet, that said, i don't know how I would live with myself if I agreed to let docs murder some babies that I so desperately want. And I don't know if I could live with myself if I carried more than 3 and then they had complications. I keep on thinking of that couple in Minnesota who got sextuplets and five of them died. What a horror! So for me the only viable option is to try multiple times with a small number of embryos (we're doing IVF) so I don' t have to make difficult choices. Good luck!

I had that same discussion and we made the decision to accept as many as we get but, wow, is that easier said than done! I can't imagine how it would feel to hear that you were carrying more babies than was healthy, not only for you but for the babies. Even though I have strong beliefs, I can't even begin to judge because I haven't been there. It is an agonizing place (I'm there with you since I am responding a little too well to the follistim), but I will keep you and your DH in my prayers, and hopefully you won't even have to make the decision at all:)

That is a really really hard thing to have to think about. I can not give you any advice. I wish you the strength and hope that you can make a choice if it comes to that. I will be praying for you and your dh. And sweetie remember "with god all things are possable" and "ask and you shall receive". Good luck my dear. Hugs Danie

I have had this discussion with my RE a few times. I have also researched selective reduction. Having lost twins to m/c, it would be a tough decision for me and I would most likely not do it. I know that the rate of losing an entire pregnancy jumps a great deal when there are more than twins. I have also learned that the health of the mom can be jeopardized as well. With selective reduction, the risk of losing the entire pregnancy is about 7%. I also know that it is completely possible to carry triplets or more and deliver healthy babies that have minimal problems. It is a tough decision and not something I could not even think about when my RE brought it up to me. I just wanted to get pregnant first. I would deal with whatever I needed to deal with when it came to that. I find out on Thursday how many lil ones I have growing in my belly... I think one, my doc thinks at least two. I guess we just wait and see and cross whatever bridge we need to cross when we get there. It is a very personal decision and I think it is completely up to you and your dh. I hope you are never put in a situation where you have to make that decision and you are blessed with a very healthy pregnancy. Good luck to you.

When there is a situation where the answer does not seem to come to me immediately, I let God make the decision for me. Not that I don't always pray about any decision that I have to make but sometimes I just don't decide and let God handle it. Here is an example:

My DH and I started the adoption journey about eight months ago. He was adament that we not get involved with a birthmom who was a drinker, smoker, drug user, etc. Well I was on the other side of the fence completely - I was willing to accept a little baggage if it meant that we would bring home a baby. I knew that so many medical problems related to drug abuse, smoking, etc. could be overcome once the baby was born. I also thought that since we were adopting, we would probably end up with more women who were into "something" rather than a healthy, clean living gal. Anyway, he basically told me that there was no compromising for him - even if it came down to leaving a baby at a hospital after it was born and drug related problems were found. I was devestated - this caused some major figts between us. So I prayed about it and told God that as a couple, we were not going to be able to work this out - it just was not within our compromising abilities - I just gave it to God and knew that when our time came, he would work it out. Well, we did have one birthmother who was considering us and she was a crack user. Well, you know what my DH said about this - but it did not matter because she did not pick us anyway. So months later, last week actually (see my journal) we have been picked by two different girls neither of whom have drug or alcohol issues at all - they are perfectly healthy clean living gals - who are simply pregnant with a baby they can't parent. GOD WORKED THIS OUT FOR US - if that is not a perfect example of what God can do when you give it to him, I don't know what is.

So my point is, when you just can't come to a certain decision, let God make the decision for you - he is trained in this!!

I am saying a prayer for you right now.

This is a very difficult discussion, and you will definitely find people with very strong feelings on both ends of this issue. It really isn't anything that an outside person can advise you on. My best advice is just to see what happens, take into account your health and the babies' health and seek all the facts you can find. After that, you and your DH will just have to decide together what is best for you and your particular situation. Sorry not to be more helpful, but this is a very personal decision. (Some states will not do this - mine won't.) I'm a very small person normally, so this was in the back of our minds too. I'm carrying twins, so we didn't have to make this decision. Good luck in whatever you decide. (Hopefully this won't be a decision that you have to make.)

I always knew that I could never abort if we had multiples. I had to cancel several cycles because of that. Having already had a child, I think it really becomes difficult when you actually see the embryo on the u/s for the first time. You are able to hear the heartbeat around six weeks. I know for me, once I heard that there was no turning back. Best wishes.