Infertility Support Group

In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.

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Pmcclure 07/17/2012

Hey Ladies,

I am currently going through a 2nd and final cycle of IVF with a new RE that I really like. The staff has been great - my husband and I are pretty observant and we have noticed that whenever we or I am waiting to be called back at RE offices, other patients will not look at you or even acknowledge your presence??? Of course, we know that this is a very private and difficult ordeal - we are both introverts especially me, but sometimes it would be nice just to say "hi", as a common admission that we are all going through the same thing! Don't get me wrong - it's not like I'm picturing us all talking and laughing, but it seems like we carry around enough shame and "why me" and it is not our fault, but we are made to feel that way in society. I totally understand but I am also trying very hard to stay positive during this cycle and at the old age of 44, it is a challenge:) I am so glad that I have found this support group in my area of ladies who speak my language and have been there done that and have been succesful and even then, it took me a long time to decide to show my face but it was easier than I thought, since they were strangers. Just thought that I would see if anyone had noticed the same thing???

May all of your baby dreams come true, Ladies!!

LMWT 07/17/2012

I have noticed and I totally agree it would be kind of nice if there was a little eye contact, a slight smile, and acknowledgement that we are all there for a reason and it sometimes really sucks.

Maybe next time I am at the RE in the waiting room, I will try not to be one of the people staring at my phone like I am doing something important (which is basically what I do every time) and try to have a smile on my face and try to maybe make someones day with that little gesture. :)

deleted_user 07/17/2012

I've seen it as well. At first I felt the "shame" and really just looked down and try not to be noticed. Then I started to think about it.. We are all there for the same reason what am I so assumed of? If anything these are my people, the ones who really do understand my pain and my struggle. If anything this is the one place that I should be open and comfortable, you know? The other day instead of my usual avoid contact routine I chimned in when one of the nurses was telling this woman that she would be starting the progesterone gel. (we were both getting blood drawn at the same time) She looked a little freaked so I told her had to do it last cycle and assured her it wasn't too uncomfortable and she smiled at me and said thanks :) it was so not like me to just jump into someone else's convo but I have to admit it felt good actually talking to someone and sharing my experience ;)

deleted_user 07/17/2012

Yes i have noticed it as well. Its always so awkard for me in the waiting room because of that. Its even worse for my husband. There is never any men in ours but a few here and there. Unless they r bringing in a bornw paper bag and we all know what that means. They DEF dont make eye contact lol. I dont find the women even friendly. No smiles nothing. Me and my DH are different we have been down this road for 10 years now and we r to the point where we cant be like that. So we smile and talk and even laugh in there. I am sure we get looks. To bad we dont all go to the same place. Lol

deleted_user 07/17/2012

Good luck to you!!!!!

Pmcclure 07/18/2012

Thank you so much ladies - once again you are awesome - I knew it was not just us that noticed that. You have given me inspiration to do even better myself and the best of baby dust to you all!!:)

deleted_user 07/18/2012

I have noticed this too! What's funny is my MIL asked me if I have made any friends from our clinic and I told her no one talks to each other and it's very quiet in there. I have noticed everyone looks down or is reading no one looks at each other.

Good luck with your IVF cycle, I am currently on my second IVF cycle too. Praying for a BFP for you!!

deleted_user 07/18/2012

I was just thinking about this in the waiting room on Monday. I must say I am glad to know its not just my clinic. My clinic is in a VERY affluent suburb of Dallas and I just assumed that most of the ladies in there are that way all the time.

Seeing that it is this way everywhere, I will definitely try to be more friendly if an opportunity arises!

gcinOhio 07/18/2012

I think people are worried they will see someone they know and it will be awkward. My DH and I watch the TV and joke around. This is my second time around, and the nervous shame is gone. YES WORLD WE USE IVF TO PRODUCE BABIES! I don't care who knows anymore.

I think going down the infertility path is hard, and at the beginning it is SCARY. This site changed me life and helped me cope.

ANB0417 07/18/2012

I've noticed the same thing at our RE. I must say, I'm guilty of bringing a book along to read or being on my phone.... Usually scrolling through Facebook and getting pissed at all of the annoying baby pics :).... I am going to try to make more of an effort in the future to reach out and at least just say hi.

deleted_user 07/18/2012

I noticed this also. I've only been to there office once and my husband was of course that me. I usually do most of my care by phone (I work at a hospital, so I get my blood and imaging done there). A couple were in the waiting room and the wife was quietly sobbing. Along with two other ladies. No one looked up for the magazines or made eye contact. I noticed also everyone sits spread out. My RE's office is huge and their waiting room is quite big. I don't understand why people feel ashamed in that office. I am a big girl and I have this on my mind that if I were skinny I could have a baby not the fact that I have PCOS or an auto immune disease. I guess it makes me feel guilty and ashamed maybe that is why I am embarrassed about how everyone will judge me.

deleted_user 07/18/2012

I had this thought on Monday while I was waiting for an ultrasound. My husband and I are very social people and once we get there we don't even talk to eachother. It's like being in a library where you're not aloud to talk. When we do talk to eachother we tend to be a bit loud and laugh a lot. After a few strange looks we've just kind of kept our mouths shut. We managed to talk to a guy who was waiting once and that was about it. On Monday I told my DH that it'd be a great way to meet people in our situation but nobody is willing to talk. I bring my kindle now :) my iphone doesn't get service in that part of the hospital.

melissaw27 07/18/2012

I agree! We actually met 2 nice people in our RE's waiting room over a year and a half ago. We have hung out several times. They are dear friends of ours and are welcoming twin boys into the world within the next few weeks! My advice, try to make eye contact. I cherish the friendship I have made with those awesome ladies we met!

dee12345 07/18/2012

I have noticed people r so quiet. It makes waiting seem so much longer.

HaveFaith24 07/19/2012

I agree! I noticed in my office....I barely can get a friendly smile. It's like everyone's ashamed or something? Well I think it sucks! There needs to be more awareness about IF. Maybe, I am out of the norm but I love to share my story....it's as if talking about it is therapy for me.

Keep talking ladies! We didn't ask for IF. We were dealth it and one positive thing we can do is spread awareness. There just may be that one person who needs the extra words of encouragement or who needs to know they are not alone.

deleted_user 07/19/2012

While I agree with a lot that has been said, just thought I'd throw in that I have spent some of my darkest of days in the RE office when I found out about the severity of my IF, the what-ifs, all the appointments/test/bloodwork, etc, and a BFP from an FET that quickly crumbled to an end. While it wasn't shame I was experiencing, it was darkness and sadness in which I didn't want to talk to anyone anywhere. So while I have had success in the end and I do smile and say HI to those that seem interested, I respect the fact that most are quiet, as I don't know their story and they could be experiencing their darkest of days and the last thing they want is to smile, etc. Anywho, just thought I'd throw in a different side to this rather than shame causing others to be quiet. Good luck to you all!

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