I want to add (and Im sure many of you feel this way) Holidays and birthdays have lost their excitement. They are just another reminder of the plans I made when I had hope and had no reason to believe we would have trouble. We didn't even decorate this year. We both naively thought, marriage.. babies soon after.

I feel your pain. I had an unsuccessful IUI in November, and I'm in the 2ww of my second one. We can only afford to do one more if this one doesn't work. And IVF is also out of the question for us; our insurance doesn't cover it, and we certainly can't afford it. It just really sucks.

Do you have any plans to do another IUI? I'm sorry to hear about your house and car getting struck by lightning.

What has helped my husband and I is to come up with a game plan. If this cycle and the following don't work, we will stop treatments and start saving money. Then we plan on adopting (probably foster to adopt), and we will continue to have unprotected sex because you never know... (I still doubt it will happen, but why limit any chances?) So if we do end up adopting, I know it's going to be rough to have to continue to wait even longer, but at least I'll know that we did all that we could to try to get pregnant. And for some reason, that's giving me some sort of resolution. (We've had to put treatments on hold for long periods of time before, and I found that to be so awful - like living in purgatory.)

It will still be a grief process especially if we are unable to adopt a baby, but I just want to be able to move forward.

And I hear you about holidays and birthdays. Wouldn't it be nice if babies came right after marriage? I know it does for some people....

Thinking of you, and hoping you can find some resolution. Don't give up! *Hugs*!

I was in the same boat as you are. I had 6 IUI and 4 IVF. A lot of clinics offer a special programs for people who never had IVF before. I would check on that. I had to borrow money from my 401K plan in order to pay for treatment but it was worth it. I would talk to your RE and see they offer any special programs for people in your situation. It worked great for me and specially since insurance didn't pay for IVF. Oh and you can write off medical bills in taxes and get good amount of money back.

Danielle, I want to do another iui but I think my RE would make me go through all of the tests and I think they cost about 1800 last time. I like your plan. I had the same plan going but then our savings were wiped out and I lost hope again. I guess I need to pick myself back up and just start saving again for adoption. I have heard of places doing 6 ivfs for 29k and if it doesn't work, you get your money back... Idk. I think I need to take your advice and make a plan and I will feel better. I have been religiously taking Vitex which before made me spot inbetween periods so I stopped, This time I started on the first day of my period and no spotting.

Mira, I haven;t heard of any special plans like that but it would be worth looking into. I just feel like it is such a gamble...I didn't know you could write off medical bills! Thanks! My husband has had a ton this past year so that will help us!

How long has it been since you last saw your RE? It was almost a year later before we went back, and they still didn't make me redo any testing. (And I was very happy about that because the deductible for the hysteroscopy was very expensive.) You can always call them up, and see if you would have to redo any testing. And hopefully you won't have to, and then you could try a couple more IUIs. It still gets expensive especially if you have to do injectables, but if it works, it will be worth it. And if it doesn't, at least you will have done all that you could.

And I know what you mean about IVF being a gamble. That's why we would rather save up for adoption since there's no guarantee IVF would work. The plans where you would get your money back are great... unless you get pregnant the first try, and then you end up spending way more than you would have if you just did one cycle. I'm sure you'd still be happy, but I would just hate to not have much money once the baby comes!

It still couldn't hurt though to look at what options are out there for IVF like Mira said, and then you and your husband can decide what you want to do. It's never easy, but having a plan will help. :)

Hope you start feeling better soon, and try to enjoy the holiday with your husband!

My RE was offering Hope program for people who never had IVF before. Basically you pay $23000 up front for 3 IVF (including frozen transfer) and if it don't work, all your money back. I had 4 IVF because my RE was a boss at the clinic and cared more about me when money. I ever got a $1000 dollars back from them because I participate in research program. It was a great deal and I would go to that clinic again in the heart bite. Good Luck and Big Hug.

I feel for you because finances should never limit our dream of becoming a mother. Sadly, they do sometimes. That's what happened with us.

We spent - choke - $97k on IVF and all sorts of programs - my eggs, donor eggs, DH's sperm, donor sperm, etc. We weren't successful. The money came from personal savings. We got to the point where we could no longer afford the gamble, BUT our dream of becoming parents never left us, so we decided to move on to foster to adopt.

That's where we are right now, doing foster care. We are very hopeful that we may be adopting at least one of the two children that we have right now.

My point in sharing this is to persevere and do not give up. Turn over every stone. I've been at it over five years myself.

I've also shared our personal journey with more and more people in my circle. And surprisingly, I've had three different people step forward and tell me about potential situations with children who may be available for adoption, and this is outside of foster care. We used to be very private about out situation, but now I'm sharing more and more with others. Since I have, it seems like things are opening up, so to speak. You never know where someone may have a baby available for adoption or know if someone who's in a pregnancy situation. One gal here had her mother's co-worker tell her about a baby available for adoption last year. And she ended up adopting that baby. All because her mother mentioned her daughters IF struggles to that co-worker.

Keep on keepin' on...any way you know how.

Thanks ladies. I was on this group before and I sort of "gave up" trying for a while because I felt like I wasn't getting pregnant because I was thinking about it too much. (don't you hate when people tell you that! lol)

I will call my RE to see if he would have us do retesting. I think it was 3 years ago. But hey, you never know. I know I ovulate every month according to the clear blue easy monitor. My husband and I don't live the most healthy lifestyle. We both smoke and I know we need to quit, and we can definitely improve our diet. My husband brought that up tonight on the way home from Christmas dinner. We aren't really giving it all we've got if we don't at least improve our health. I love this site and I am glad I signed back on because it helps to hear your stories. I appreciate you all writing. :) Who knows, maybe 2014 will be a lucky year for all of us!

We've also thought about fostering. I used to work at a low socio-economic school and watch mothers that don't even take care of the 5 they already have, have another. It was frustrating. I saw a lot of foster kids while I was there too. I don't know if I could handle fostering. It would remind me that bad people can pop out kids and we can't have one. Then once mom or dad is out of rehab, the kid goes back. I just don't think I could stomach it.

I can picture your RE wanting to redo some tests, although you might be able to really talk them out of some because of money. However if you know you had endo and your surgery was 3 years ago, I would recommend having that re-addressed too. I didn't have many symptoms except very painful and clotty periods, and that greatly improved after my lap, and insurance covered it. I was in your place not long ago. I ended up using student loan money and help from my parents to do a "mini" ivf. I was told by one RE that it was a complete waste of my time, etc. But my actual RE understood it was financial and emotional. It was the cheapest option, and I couldn't move forward knowing I hadn't tried it. I've also put some u/s and meds on a credit card that i'm still paying off. I will be in debt for a long time, but to me it's totally worth it, as I'm currently preggo with twins after using my last embies in an FET from that miracle cycle. Good luck, and whatever decision you make, it will be the right one for you!

Thanks, what is a "mini" ivf? I have spoken to my obgyn regarding a second surgery for my endo. SHe is very much against it but I haven't spoken to my RE. She said since the surgery showed my tubes were open, I shouldn't have another surgery that will cause scar tissue. I had a lap to remove cysts from my ovaries and adhesions that pulled my ovaries up. Oddly enough my RE said the endo wasn't preventing me from getting pregnant. I also had a hysteroscopy. I am going to give it six months after quitting smoking before I go back. I know the clock is ticking and that does stress me out. I know it will be harder to quit if I am going through testing and waiting for results. I am curious about your mini ivf though... Congrats on your twins!!!

Have you ever looked into seeing if you have scar tissue? I know this might be tough to say, but if you have ever had an std, you could have scar tissue that is blocking your eggs from getting fertilized. Just a suggestion that might help. I feel the same way, I look at people that have abused their kids or already have like 4 and say "why" "why not me? "what did I do so wrong" I have been there, I feel your pain. Hang in there!

I haven't had an std, just chronic yeast infections for a while that I swore were hindering my ability to become pregnant due to the cm. I may have scar tissue since I have had lap surgery but there wasn't any found during the surgery and my tubes were clear. I am really hoping vitex will help me. I have endo and that is supposed to be related with estrogen dominance. Its something to keep my hopes up.

It breaks my heart to hear of women who cannot conceive and are stuck without options- particularly with insurance not covering infertility. I am a dietitian who advises infertile couples. I myself was infertile for 6 years until I discovered a hormonal and thyroid condition. I just delivered my first child at 34. My suggestion is to go through your insurance and find an integrative endocrinologist. The stress of not being able to conceive can exacerbate every issue and certain hormones (cortisol for example) can be elevated to levels that will not allow conception. I would also start taking Vitamin D supplements (Vitamin D is actually a hormone). I like the Kirkland brand which can be bought on Amazon. Start with 4000 IU a day. It will boost your mood- almost everyone in the US is deficient.

There is also a post in this general discussion area where there is a fertility clinic offering a sale on IVF prices, the prices are so good, it would make it worthwhile to travel out of state to that clinic. Good luck to you!