Im so sorry you are feeling like this. But let me tell you most of us have been there , but you will get over it once you are into the journey or even better once you get your baby.. Meanwhile what I did to help myself was to write my feelings in a diary, do some meditation, yoga.. all that helps.. just immerse in something that you love doing and do it will all your heart. Meanwhile, just consider that all that you are going through right now will be worthwhile when you have your baby in your hand. And someone else who had a baby easily can't be blamed just because we have to try so hard. But the wait will be worth it.. Hope you feel better soon..

1st off I am deeply sorry that you are dealing with this, and that you have to be put in this position. I have been where you are and it was not until my Great Aunt who is now in her 80s told me to just stop it that thing started to change for me. She was really clear and kind of mean and very insensitive about it, but she just told me to get over myself and STOP IT. Stop the pity party, stop the anger, stop acting as if my life was so much harder then everyone elses. At first when she told me this I was really pissed. I remember thinking you are a mean old bitch. But then after a few weeks of being angry at her I started to put things in perspective. She was kinda right, even if she did say it in a mean way. My life was not that bad. I dont have a terminal illness; I am not homeless or going to bed hungry every night. I live in a first world country with running water, were women are free and I never fear for my life. My Aunt lived in England in WW2 during the bombings. She has feared for her life and she had been hungry for extended periods of time. When I looked at the big picture she was right I just needed to Stop It I needed to think about my blessing and not my struggles. I need to be thankful and grateful for what I already had in life and not focus on what was missing. My Aunt never said stop trying to TTC, but she was clear that I could not allow the negative things in my life to over shine the good things. When I started to focus on the positive part of my life and forced myself to replace the negative thoughts with good thoughts Things started to turn around for me. I had also probably almost given up hope for a baby at this point anyway so I need to focus on myself. What else my life was going to hold or what other things I could toss my energy into because the baby thing was just wearing me out and ruining my life. Things started to get better almost instantly. I got a promotion at work, I joined a new club where I made some awesome single friends who were not having babies or even married. I took some classes at the college and became a Makeup Artist (which was something I always wanted to do). Basically when I just stopped my pity party, when I forced myself to stop focusing on the negative stuff, things started to get better. My marriage got better, my friendships got stronger, and I lost weight I was happier. I am not saying this will work for you. But it worked for me. It was not easy(it was hard) but it was worth it. I never stopped TTCing, but being happier made IVF easier. Having a stronger marriage made the 1st round of failed IVF easier. Having Supportive friends who were not TTCing and had no plan to have children for many years made distracting myself form TTCing easier. Life got better and it made IVF easier and less stressful. I hope you are able to find a way to focus on the good in your life. Good luck!

I loved the explanation you gave Bell101.. this is exactly what I am trying to do.. but sometimes it still hurts when you least expect it like when you are in between all your friends who have kids.. since I live in a place where everyone is expected to get married and have kids :(

Was your IVF successful?

Thanks so much ladies. Hang in there Deb-you will figure out a way to turn your negative into positive. This is exactly how I feel right now and your replies helped calm myself. I know that I need to accept what life I have been given and make the most of it, but sometimes you just can't see the light. At times like these I go back to 12 year old me. I lost my Grandma to breast cancer when I was 12, I remember thinking this is the most pain I have ever felt. I didn't realize that it only made me stronger. But then through life I experienced things more painful than that and survived. So the way I look at it is -everything has been put into place and our role is to ensure we make the most of it.

Deb,
These feelings are the absolute worst. I have been in your place as well. Bell101 couldn't have said it better! I used to miserable and constantly negative. I am normally a happy go lucky girl who laughs at pretty much everything. Then after our first failed IVF she was completely lost. I had nothing but negative, pessimistic views and comments. Friends would tell me they were pregnant and I would cry. I knew I was someone that I hated and didn't recognize, but I couldn't stop it! Finally, my husband and I started doing poorly and that scared me. He made me realize that I need to focus on what is positive in my life. Just as Bell101 said, I'm not starving, poor, or diagnosed with a terminal illness. My life is actually really wonderful minus infertility. It just took me a long time to realize it. I started working out again, yoga, meditation, reading, and focusing more on my career. I'm not saying I never get upset anymore, but life is definitely better when you try to stay positive. Best of luck to you.

The best advice I can give is to NOT suppress your anger. Feel it. Own it. You deserve it! The universe dealt you a shit hand and it's NOT FAIR. You are allowed to feel bitter and angry and hateful. But you shouldn't let yourself feel like that all day. Give yourself 10 minutes at a time to seethe and them put out the flames and bring yourself back down by counting your blessings.

After my IVFs failed, and after my miscarriages, I would have epic meltdowns in the bathroom at work. I hated everyone and their stupid pregnant faces, I HATED people who got pregnant off of one IVF, and I hated myself for having a broken body that couldn't perform the most basic of human functions. And then after I was done melting down, with tears still in my eyes, I would walk around the block and take deep breaths and list out loud everything in my life that was good and beautiful. And it helped a LOT. Holding my anger in just made it all worse.

My therapist gave me a mantra that I repeated to myself constantly: "I am doing the best that I can". So are you. Don't beat yourself up, okay? Stay strong. It'll all be okay.

I'm sorry to hear that you are dealing with this. I totally understand how you feel as I haven't been able to get over it completely. I have distanced myself from friends who have kids, have became a negative person, and that kept me living in the negative cycle of life.

My infertility journey was started more than 10 years ago. Started in mid 30s. Failed IVF twice, experienced ectopic pregnancy once, ruined relationship with my first husband because of it, etc. Four years ago, my current husband and I decided to try IVF but turned out I don't produce eggs anymore, I was 42. When I was just feeling of hopeless, my husband's daughter, who had never been in his life, contacted him that she wanted to meet him, and so he did. She was 14 at the time. I felt anger, sadness, jealous, all kinds of negative feelings when he brought her home for the first time. After the first meeting with her, he said "she could be our daughter". The words hurt me like I've never felt before and I went into depression for about a week. She is not looking for a mom, she only wanted to know him. I am normally happy and strong person and didn't want to keep feeling this way.

For me, I gave up on having a baby and I am 46 now, but I am trying to focus on the early semi-retirement and I want to volunteer by taking care of either animal welfare or orphanage. I've lived just for myself, but now I need something/someone to take care of. Periodically I feel sad about not having a child, but I'm trying to live with it.

Sorry to here you are feeling like this. I get so angry and upset dealing with infertility. It takes up so much of your life, no one seems to understand what you are going through. I actually had to take a brake for 6 months to get my health under control. In that time found be open with people helped me to take away some my anger. Otherwise i bit there head off when they asked when was i going to have children.

You are all wonderful and so understanding, thank you. Your similar yet different thoughts and advice is greatly appreciated as i don't feel I have a single person to turn to that understands how I'm feeling as I'm the last woman left that I know who hasn't managed to get pregnant ! Its horrible as you all know. Why is infertility such a difficult topic for people to be understanding and and supportive about ? I genuinely don't have anyone that I can be completely honest to about my feelings,(except maybe my Mum but she lives on the other side of the world) I have to mask it and pretend I'm ok with everything. Grrr. Anyway, your're all wonderful. All the love and best wishes back to all of you xx