Infertility Support Group
In vitro fertilization is one of the most common and utilized ways of treating conception problems. This support group is dedicated to those beginning their journey with IVF and needing support. Join the community and share your experiences, advice, and story with people going through similar challenges starting a family.
Hi all.......
I joined the forum earlier today in hopes of getting some clarity and maybe feel a little more normal about being 32 and not having a child. So long story short i got married in 2006, and we starting TTC in june 2007, June 2008 my OB-GYNE says the one word nobody ever wants to hear "infertility". We both got tested, and my body doesnt produce enough of the right hormones to sustain a pregnancy so even if i were to get preg, the baby would likely be flushed out... So Jan 2009 I had a HSG test, it came back normal, March 2009 I had surguery, and in May 2009 we begin seeing a RE..... for months we went thru this process, and each IUI cycle failed. The stress alone was enough to make me not want toget out of the bed. I felt like less than a woman not being ableto bring life into the world when i see young girls, drug addicts, and party girls popping out babies like its not big deal.... everytime i hear a woman say she didnt want to get preggo or wasnt tryna have another baby i just want to smack her! I still was hoping, praying, and believing God that one day soon it would be a BFP on the stick.....
Anyway, im recently divorced now, And while im not actively trying to get pregnant, i still hope that it happens whenever there is a little chance you know. I feel like im stuck in the middle. Im not actually trying to get pregnant, but i still feel that pain of knowing iit didnt happen and may never happen. People always ask "what are you waiting for?" "You arent getting any younger!" as if i dont know this!!!!! If it was my way I would have my son/daughter in my arms!!!!!!!!!!
Im tired of feeling like a failure because i cant have a child. Im tired of crying, and hurting and looking at other women wishing it was me pregnant, holding an infant, pushing my toddler on a swing.
Additionally, Im wondering who will want to be with the barren woman?!?!?!?!? At what point to i tell a potential mate that this is a potential problem still??
I know im in a different space than most of you are, but im hoping that I will find the support i need. IT still hurts, badly......
I joined the forum earlier today in hopes of getting some clarity and maybe feel a little more normal about being 32 and not having a child. So long story short i got married in 2006, and we starting TTC in june 2007, June 2008 my OB-GYNE says the one word nobody ever wants to hear "infertility". We both got tested, and my body doesnt produce enough of the right hormones to sustain a pregnancy so even if i were to get preg, the baby would likely be flushed out... So Jan 2009 I had a HSG test, it came back normal, March 2009 I had surguery, and in May 2009 we begin seeing a RE..... for months we went thru this process, and each IUI cycle failed. The stress alone was enough to make me not want toget out of the bed. I felt like less than a woman not being ableto bring life into the world when i see young girls, drug addicts, and party girls popping out babies like its not big deal.... everytime i hear a woman say she didnt want to get preggo or wasnt tryna have another baby i just want to smack her! I still was hoping, praying, and believing God that one day soon it would be a BFP on the stick.....
Anyway, im recently divorced now, And while im not actively trying to get pregnant, i still hope that it happens whenever there is a little chance you know. I feel like im stuck in the middle. Im not actually trying to get pregnant, but i still feel that pain of knowing iit didnt happen and may never happen. People always ask "what are you waiting for?" "You arent getting any younger!" as if i dont know this!!!!! If it was my way I would have my son/daughter in my arms!!!!!!!!!!
Im tired of feeling like a failure because i cant have a child. Im tired of crying, and hurting and looking at other women wishing it was me pregnant, holding an infant, pushing my toddler on a swing.
Additionally, Im wondering who will want to be with the barren woman?!?!?!?!? At what point to i tell a potential mate that this is a potential problem still??
I know im in a different space than most of you are, but im hoping that I will find the support i need. IT still hurts, badly......
My inablity to concieve inpart contributed to my marriage ending..... sad but true....... I just want to feel OK!!!!!!!!!!! im not even sure what ok is..... but it HAS to be BETTER than this!
I'm sorry to hear that you struggled to conceive and are also dealing with a divorce. That's a lot to handle. What surgery did you have in 2009?
Klimawife is right! You are NOT a failure!
Also, you are not barren! You mentioned that you are believing God for your baby, so you also need to believe His word. Deuteronomy 7:14 reads: You shall be blessed above all people. There shall not be male or female barren among you or among your livestock. This scripture and others are taped to my mirror. I try to recite them everyday. The bible also states that the power of life and death is in the tongue. So, when we speak HIs word and declare positive things for our life, we draw those things to us.
Your feelings are valid. Infertility sucks! It's not fair. It feels like a slap in the face to hear about other woman getting pregnant so easily. This is the place to get those feelings out. WE understand each other!
Try to think of a creative response when people ask you about having a baby. I just say, "We are working on it". That usually works.
My suggestion would be to do everything you can do while you aren't in relationship to get your body ready. Donor sperm is an option that some women use.
I hope you find this helpful.
I don't think it's always appropriate to wear your infertility diagnosis like a neon sign across your forehead, because as my DH pointed out, not all guys have it in the forefront of their mind when they start dating someone. If the subject of kids comes up, you can take advantage of that. But I wouldn't start out a conversation like "Hi, I'm ___ and I can't have kids."
My DH knew what he was getting into and still married me. He says all the time that if he had to choose between being married to me or having bio kids, he would choose me every time.
Also, there are so many options for treatments and they keep finding new ones too. You never know, in a couple years when you find Mr Right, they may have a new treatment that works for you!
There is nothing WRONG with you. Just remember that. It is a medical issue, nothing to do with who you are as a person. Hugs!
Something I am working on is educating my close friends and family so that at least they can be supportive and more sensitive to what Im going through. I dont know if it would be helpful to you or not but at least it makes me feel like I am doing SOMETHING when there is so much that is outside my control. And maybe then at least I wont constantly get that question, when are YOU going to have kids? Good luck to you and welcome. Hugs.
I hope we can help you heal.
I work with adoptive families as a family therapist and I have considered foster care but I haven't committed yet......
I concur with what all of the women mentioned...you are not a failure and you are so much more than barren. And, I believe it's completely available to find a man who will love everything about you and accept what is and fight with you.
@shawnie ~ Amen!!!
Earlier last year I found out I had a buldging disc in my lower back so now my neurologist is advising AGAINST pregnancy.....
I'm TRYING so hard to believe GOD, believe His Word, trust Him again, increase my faith and believe He will answer my prayers. At 22 there was nothing God couldn't or wouldn't do for me, at 32 I'm questioning that stance......
I feel much better getting some of this OUT...... And feeling like somebody understands.
Claire, I'm working hard to get learn how to trust God again. Growing up everybody said do this, do that, be a good girl, and then get married before u have babies, and i did that, but still no babies, so my whole understanding is kinda messed up right now, but that's why I sought some outside support. I want my LIFE BACK!!!!!!!