I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a difficult time. I really hope that tomorrow will be better for you!

I have many days like your's, I push my husband and 2 small children away aslo. I feel so sick and ashamed I'm just frozen with pain, even with meds and therapy. When I have days like these I journal I do not cry which is where I envy you, I think I would feel better if I could. I journal like crazy and try and realize I am not alone and I will get stonger through time and support. There is a rainbow at the end of a strom,right now I am in a storm waiting for the rainbow which will come. I hope it comes sooner then later and I hope it will for you too! Do not be hard on yourself, you have a husband and children that love you unconditionally. Please be kind to yourself. I feel your pain with you and for you.
" When you get into a tight place and everthing goes against you,till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn." Harriet Beecher Stowe. Have a good night you will be in my thoughts. P.S "We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey." Kenji Miyazawn

I remember those days. The crying days. They were tiring. I think it's totally normal to isolate during that time.

I couldn't even put my feelings into words. I heard others describe it as a storm or a wave or like a damn had been broken.

Be gentle with yourself. I think if you can submit or allow the tears to flow it might be the best way. I know that is easier to do when you are a parent. I would often sneak into the shower or even just explain to my son why I was so sad. Kids are remarkably understanding sometimes and need to see it's normal for humans to cry sometimes.

It's also important to find support. I think this is a great place for that.

My experience has been that the truly horrible feelings do not in fact maintain its intensity for a long time. The short term though is a nightmare. I am so sorry. Just want to tell you that I understand how difficult it is for you. Sending you every wish that things do get better. Peace.

Thank you for all your kind and uplifting words. Thats what makes this site so important and powerful, to have someone to turn to that truly understands you. This is truly those type of situations that you cant understand unless you have been there. @blossomingflower, the crying has been a new thing. For years I went numb and never allowed myself the tears, now that I have allowed myself to let the little girl in me grieve, the tears come like a flood. I know this is part of the process, but it doesnt make it easy. @journalreader thanks so much, i often need to remind myself that i am human and therefore expressing myself as one is normal. Its hard to view myself as normal though having gone through so much and expected to perform at perfection on a daily basis (my opinion). I believe I developed OCD to cope as well.