Medications, surgeries, major health problems, etc... all can contribute to Erectile Dysfunction. It is something he should talk to his doctor about to see if it will return or if this is permanent fix. Your doctor would have suggestions for him as well.

I am a Type 2 Diabetic and have been for quite some time now. I have been impotent and dealing with Erectile Dysfunction for about the same length of time. This has been a struggle for me and my wife but solutions are available.

The oral medication I took would not help, and I didn't want surgery to put in an implant either. I have been through about every solution out there and have finally settled down with a Vacuum Therapy System. I got my system from Pos-T-Vac Medical.

I can see how a woman would feel frustrated, however, you need to understand he probably is feeling the same way about not being able to perform. This is a rough time on a male and he needs his wife/partner's support on this issue.

Check out the system from that company and see if its something you two might be interested. It has definitely helped me!

I've had ED for the past six years or so. During most of that time, I had no sexual urges at all. Which seems weird. Because, like you and your BF, my wife and I had enjoyed an extremely active sex life.

My ED started after a surgery. And I was and still am on antidepressant medications.

Reading your post helps me understand how you could feel undesirable. My guess is your BF's ED problem has nothing at all to do with you. It's caused my other factors.

Hang in there and be kind to yourself.

I think you have to help him in this stage, as he is recently recovered from very serious surgery. Hope with the passage of time he will get back all his energies. Herbal made pills may be helpful in this situation and helps in recovering Solid erections. Thanks

Their is a great book, and an old movie too, called "Heartsounds". The guy in the book was a heart surgeon who had CHF; the book was written by his wife about that experience. I would highly recommend it.

One of the things they address in there is what you may be going through. Basically the guy became scared to have sex. He suddenly felt very mortal and that it might just kill him.

ED is just one thing here; this guy is facing a life threatening illness and his psyche may be completely whacked and he might not know that yet.

sorry so sorry.. if you read alot on this you will see that is how we feel. they make it feel like us and its not. there is no reason they cant make us feel desired... sexy and yet if they do and they cant get hard they fail us.. yet they fail us much more by not making us feel attractive...

@JustThe5

Your point is valid. As someone with ED I admit that my first reaction was to withdraw. That is not terribly productive and can be confusing at best and hurtful at worst to your partner.

Each side needs compassion for the other. You called it when you said we fail you when we can't get hard. At that moment, most of us could not even utter those words; it is a shattering defeat for us. We feel not like men but like total failures. In our guts we are terrified you will leave us. This too is not a productive way to handle it but it's what we're going through.

I think the closest analogy would be having a mastectomy. The women I've known who had this were concerned about how they would be perceived as women, whether their partners would be attracted to them, and whether their relationships would survive.

We're all in the sexualy relationship business together folks. We have the power to hurt each other and heal each other. It's important never to forget that if one of us loses, we both lose.

Most of this summer I had a cyst in the area below my scrotum along with an bladder infection. All this caused me to have ED most of the time. I've only had sex about 4 time in the last 2 months.
About a week ago the doctors removed the cyst and left a whole that looks like I have a vagina but it is healing shut.
All this has me feeling very very unappealing. With so many women (nurses and cartakers) looking at me spread open showing everything and feeling so gross at the same time makes me feel so unwanted by anyone. looks like someone would flurt with me.
hope this doesn't sound offensive. but i'm just being honest with how i feel.

And so, what did his doctor say when you talked to the doctor about it?

I feel unattractive, too. But it's because I can't achieve a decent erection. My partner says that she gets turned on by erections. So...I don't turn her on any more. I'm willing to persue other means of physical intimacy, but my partner isn't really interested. Do I feel unattractive? You bet. ED can make men feel very unattractive.

Thank you fallen for giving us the male perspective. I sometimes still fall into the trap of "vanity." I think because my husband can't get a full erection when i do seductive things that it's ME. Now i can understand his side. That he is thinking that because he can't get a full erection that i don't find him attractive. I never thought of that. Now i can work on making him realize he's still HOT!!!

Smoochies all

Absolutely. We might be kind limp, but that doesn't mean that we're dead yet. Even limp old men need love :-)

I am new here and completely understand you! My husband of almost 30 years has ed and I am getting really depressed. He shows NO interest until I complain that he never is affectionate. Then he just tries to please me. Its not the same. I miss sex. He is 54, unhealthy (much by his own fault) and does nothing all day. I work fulltime and when I get home he never cooks for me, wants to get fast food. I have to remind him to clean when I am at work. He sits and watches tv all day. He is retired on disability. I love him very much. However I am at the end of my rope. Sad, frustrated, I am tempted to find someone to just have sex with but I have never cheated. I dont see this getting better. I have stood by him thru depressions, health problems, hospitalizations. I feel bad that I am feeling so sorry for myself but if it was turned around and I was the one unable, I am sure he would have no patience as he use to be pretty sexual. I dont know what to do.

Get him to a doctor ASAP. It sounds like depression may be contributing to whatever other health issues he may have. I agree with you that its not the same if he is not self-motivated. I dont want to beg and always be the one to initiate. I've been dealing with my husband's ED and low libido for 15 yrs and it is still a struggle.

I was dealing with staff like that for years 7 years with my husband. At first i felt like i am strong and i will be able help him overcome his problems and so on. In result i am total ruin healthwise at 32. I had strong nerves breackdown and deep depression, I ended up in mental hospital for a while and still straggling find sence for living, nothing interests me anymore. if you have energy to leave him right now. leave him and try to save your own health till it will be too late. Obviously it looks bad and everything but man can live without having sex some way. on the other hand when i had mental issues i was so bad that I thought i would die, nobody wanted to deal with me. i am lucky to be alive as long as I did. leave him if you can and do not feel guilty about that even once in life. I did not help to anybody by trying to help my husband just distroyed my own life.

If you SO is not showing any affection, it's time for them to visit their doctor to see if they are depressed, or there may be other issues in the relationship.
My SO has had ED since the beginning of our relationship. It's caused by an enlarged prostate and the meds for that problem. I don't see any reason to avoid sexual expression because of ED...after all, there is more to sexual expression than intercourse! We have a healthy, fun and fulfilling sex life. I can be overcome with open communication, love and patience.
Don't give up on the person you love...Hugs!