Impotence & Erectile Dysfunction Support Group
Erectile dysfunction or impotence is a sexual dysfunction characterized by the inability to develop or maintain an erection of the penis for satisfactory sexual intercourse regardless of the capability of ejaculation. There are various underlying causes, such as diabetes, many of which are medically reversible. The causes may be physiological or psychological.
I posted my "story" in another thread (Frustrated) so won't go into that here Since I have been using androgel my testosterone has been raised up to normal and unfortunately that raises my sex drive also. The problem is, not being able to perform, it is VERY frustrating and aggravating. Seems like all I can think about is sex, but since I really cannot do anything about it, I just kind of sit here and grit my teeth. Not being able to perform is like losing a part of my body. yeah I can go on with life, but why bother?
My present wife, was VERY sexually active when she was younger, she once told me when we were discussing our pasts that she had lost count of the number of guys she had sex with, starting at age 13 or 14 (I forget which). She thought it was probably over a hundred or so. Unfortunately now that she has gone through menopause, she is kind of up and down as far as her sex drive goes and sometimes she wants it and other times she could care less. I think that part of her loss of interest is my inability to perform. Back when I was able to have intercourse things was a lot better, but now, it is like she has given up. She occasionally suggest I try something but then when it doesn't work it's almost like she shrugs and gives up for a while. So maybe once a month, she will get in the mood and I will use a glass dildo on her while she masturbates. Oral sex doesn't seem to do much of anything for her and the only way she can orgasm is if she does it herself. That is another frustration, back before we met, I had no problem making the women I was with have multiple orgasms and even squirting now and then.
So between the two of us, things are not going well at the old homestead... Not sure what to do or how to fix it...
My present wife, was VERY sexually active when she was younger, she once told me when we were discussing our pasts that she had lost count of the number of guys she had sex with, starting at age 13 or 14 (I forget which). She thought it was probably over a hundred or so. Unfortunately now that she has gone through menopause, she is kind of up and down as far as her sex drive goes and sometimes she wants it and other times she could care less. I think that part of her loss of interest is my inability to perform. Back when I was able to have intercourse things was a lot better, but now, it is like she has given up. She occasionally suggest I try something but then when it doesn't work it's almost like she shrugs and gives up for a while. So maybe once a month, she will get in the mood and I will use a glass dildo on her while she masturbates. Oral sex doesn't seem to do much of anything for her and the only way she can orgasm is if she does it herself. That is another frustration, back before we met, I had no problem making the women I was with have multiple orgasms and even squirting now and then.
So between the two of us, things are not going well at the old homestead... Not sure what to do or how to fix it...
Me: Mid 50's, two long failed relationships, great sex at the start of both, dwindling after having children, and incompatibility or lack of sex played a huge part in both break ups. Maybe fifteen other shorter term or flings but usually not too satisfying for me (can't remember them all tbh). I'm past the menopause now and my sex drive is through the roof! Love it! Completely took me by surprise as had nothing apart from a couple of very short unstaisfying dialliances for 10 years and thought I'd lost interest! Frustrated all the time as partner of 3 years has ED and doesn't want to get more pills (tho they worked great) Less sex than I want is the trade off I make for being with someone I get on with in other ways and who doesn't want committment from me
Him: 65 yrs old, never married, no kids. Lived with several women when younger but not lived with anyone for over 20 yrs and doesn't want to again. Doesn't know exactly how many ex's but its into 3 figures. Suffered from DE all his life, so sex with them sometimes lasted up to 2 hours. Sometimes he couldn't finish at all. Why he needed to tell me all this I have no idea - I guess so I would realise what a stud he'd been in the past. Increasing levels of ED now, he's very passive and I have to do most of the work to get anything going, sex lasts minute or so (when he does get hard) meaning we have to rely on other things to be satisfied, which don't do it for me really. Says he's frustrated but accepts it as getting older which annoys the hell out of me!
Images of his prowess with his ex's haunt me and can flash up at any time I'm reminded of something he's told me. He's never gone into personal details about them, but just knowing that he had sex with one of them on her kitchen table cos that's what she liked kills me. He was able to give them what they liked but he can't give me what I'd like. Envy envy envy
And one of them lives in my street - so obviously every time I look out I know he had sex with her that lasted 2 hours! Not that I want it to last THAT LONG but I'd love him to have that confidence in his performance back so that he can sometimes take the lead
But doesn't that testosterone treatment actually let you have erections again? Sorry, I assumed that you got the ability back as well as the desire! That seems cruel!
So from 1997 to 2006 I was celebrate and had no interest in any kind of sex. In 1998 a friend of mine had ask me to share expenses with her in Vegas, so I moved with her and I lived in one end of the house and she lived in the other. She was a workaholic and I rarely saw her. Finally in 2006 she decided she wanted a social life and started dating and that kind of got me interested in finding someone again. I went to an Endocrinologist and she test me and told me I had almost no testosterone and put me on Androgel. I also got an Rx for Levitra, Viagra and Cialis and unfortunately none of them helped. I went to a urologist and he gave me an Rx for a pump and I have been trying to use it, but so far it has done nothing. I started looking and ended up in a couple of relationships, once again doing oral was great but no intercourse. We stayed as friends but that was it. One was married so I didn't expect anything to come of that anyway although she kept saying she wanted us to jump on my Harley and run away together. I found a woman online (she was 53 and I was 59) and we did a long distance relationship up until last year when we got married. The sex was off and on but I was able to occasionally able to have an erection. The Internist changed my diabetic and BP meds and things went downhill real fast. I stopped getting erections although occasionally if I was laying down I could get one for a few seconds, not long enough to do anything. She occasionally will do a hand job on me using lube, she says she doesn't like to do oral because my sperm has a weird taste. I occasionally do oral on her but while she likes it, it doesn't do much for her and she says playing with her breasts does nothing for her at all. The only way she can have an orgasm is if she masturbates, so now and then I use a glass dildo on her while she rubs and eventually after a long time she gets off. a lot of the time she just gives up because her arms get tired.
Unfortunately menopause ruined her sex drive... She hates having me get near her because she says I am to hot and she keeps a spray bottle of water and a fan close at all times to cool her off. She refuses to wear anything sexy or go naked because she has bladder control issues and has to wear a pad so she doesn't pee on herself or anything near her. So things are kind of at a stand still... I still am horny as heck and can't do anything about it... Very frustrating...
Since then, I don't really think it's been even as far as 100. I would like husband to try cialis or the Larginine stuff, on a more regular basis. It's just his Dr. only gives him a few here and there. Hubby needs to get dr. to really do something about it. I wish...Oh and I do love my lil glass dildo. (grin)
Really talk with her and ask her what you can do for her. She needs to get things into perspective also. This is a throw away society when it comes to problems. By the way I'm in my late fifties. Wish you the best.
My wife is on meds for pre-menopuase and she had an up and down sex drive too. I want it more than her, but knew I had performance issues. Very frustrating.
And I got her a glass dildo too. I thought she'd like it. She didn't like it as much as the sex aid I wear when we make love. Now I can perform every time.
I don't know what to suggest to help yall, but i do hope you can find a solution. Living sexless when you desperately crave it can totally zap you. Don't give up like my hubs did. Keep on trying.
Best wishes