Same feelings 100%. I was only diagnosed in June of this year and since then I've had a colposcopy and a leep with a CIN III diagnosis. I'm not coping with it well either, the anxiety and negative thoughts about myself are persistent. I just joined the group a few days ago in hopes that I would find support and people to relate to. I think, the best thing right now that I can offer you is to know you're not alone. Your feelings are shared with so many others. We will get through this time in our life but the acceptance that hpv is always going to be there is the hardest part, I haven't accepted it yet. I'm angry, frustrated, I feel scared and diseased......outraged for a cure. I'm sorry there's not a lot I can offer you outside of someone who can listen when you need to vent and someone that can understand........ I hope, in some small token it helps. I hope we can keep in touch. I'm new to all this but it feels nice to know I'm not alone......you aren't either!!!

Hang in there :0)

I know exactly how you feel, I am going through the same thing myself right now. I was just diagnosed about 2 or 3 mths ago. As with the MJN85, I can say you are not alone. I used to have anxiety really bad and went off my meds a few years ago, but now my anxiety is 100% worse. I dont know what your religious beliefs are but I find help in talking about it and praying. ainly just remember you aren't alone.

I've had it for over 2 years now and I still know the feeling because of reoccurring outbreaks here and there. Just keep your head up and take control of your life and health. It sucks but we can all make it through this, it will just take time.

Thank you for the replies. I think this board is a wonderful place to come to and share experiences. It has helped me cope a lot especially in the beginning. I wish there were more places like this.

I have been praying a lot these past few night and it has helped me more than I ever thought it could. At least enough to help me get a good nights sleep.

MJN85 - I completely understand your feelings of anger, frustration and feeling diseased and scared. To me high risk hpv is so hard to deal with because of there being no symptoms. You never know what is truly going on inside you. The fear is constant. Every little pimple, cold, or pain just makes me obssess that more can be wrong with me and I dont know it. Also makes fear that everything I am doing to try to live a healthier life isn't working.

If anyone would like to talk I'm here and can always lend an ear. I know how helpful it can be to just talk to someone going through the same thing.

I have been diagnosed with high risk HPV as well. I've gone through a biopsy and removal of a blanched area of my cervix about a month ago. I go back in for another papsmear to see if it has caused anymore abnormal cells in Jan 2013. I keep getting swollen lymph nodes every now and then which is a reminder that the virus is still active and attacking my body. In the meanwhile, I am trying to drink plently of water, take vitamins (turmeric and grape seed extract) and I am trying to stop smoking. I think I am having the most difficulty with remaining stress free and the gyno said that being stress free would help strengthen my immune system greatly. Anyone have any other ideas on how to make high risk HPV go into a dormant stage?

Hi nolagirl.

How can you tell if you have swollen lymph nodes? This has been on my mind lately. Every little ache and pain gets me all paranoid these days.

The being stress free is what I'm having trouble with myself. Here is what I'm doing hoping to clearing this. I'm taking vitamins. Multiivitamins, Vitamin C, Folic Acid, L-Lysine, Green tea. I recently started taking Dim-plus since I read people have had good results with that. I really need to start excersing more but I've been so down that its hard to do at times.

Yep, know the feeling. In fact it has caused me to have mixed reactions/questions. Number one: I want to know why the doctors are not more in tune with the issues involved with high risk HPV, #2: the implications (i.e. other cancers) and how do you screen for them, #3: communicating with your health care provider, and #4: will this prevent me from having a normal sex life. It feels like I am no longer in control and can only wait until the rugs pulled out from under me again. I was blown away by the indifference from my doctor (s) and how I was sent away with hardly any advice or useful information. In fact, my last call to the Dr. after my laser surgery took him 9 days to call me back!. I hope your health team amounts to more than mine. And yes, your depression is understandable as well as your frustrations. This is a great web site for venting and asking questions. Tell ya what kiddo, just put one foot in front of the other and keep plugging. Tell those you love how much, be kind to yourself, live for today and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.

Jabaloney, First I must say thank you for your words they do help. I am feeling much of the frustrations you are. My doctor seems so casual about the entire situation telling me my body "should" adjust to this in about 2 years. I'm not buying this though. Now that I know I have this I know there are implications I will have to deal with for life. I was given no information on my condition. I was bascially told come in for a colposcopy once those results came back it was like everything looks really good see you in 6 months.

I keep hearing how HPV is so common but there doesn't seem to be much support for those of us who are struggling in dealing with this. I wonder if people just don't talk about this? This site seems to be the best form of support I have found so far.

I was diagnosed when I was 19 after my ex raped me. The doctor's idea of breaking the news to me was by telling me how a taken aback he was that I had the rarest strain of HPV. He called it amazing. I call him an insensitive jerk.

I was fine with my diagnosis until the outbreaks occurred. After a few years it just got to much. I felt tainted. I've had few relationships and only one guy had a problem with my issue. He actually freaked out on me and made me feel horrible. Oddly enough he's been stalking me for 3 years now.

My insomnia started a few years ago and just progressively became worse until I was not sleeping at all due to reliving a nightmare whenever I did sleep. My anxiety is worse than ever now. I started going to therapy a few months ago. It's helped me a lot but every time I think I'm "better" I eventually just relapse.
I've gotten so desperate for a cure (can't afford the meds and no insurance) that I did some research -- Apple Cider Vinegar. Dip a cotton ball in it, tape it to the affected area (this gets complicated) and leave on while you sleep. Or apply throughout the day with a q-tip. In the beginning, it hurts I'm not going to lie. But after continuously doing this for a while the pain stops because the acid in the vinegar helps to kill the roots of any warts (try very hard not to get the vinegar on an area that does not need it because it will burn). This home remedy has helped me a little but not as much as I'd like it to but I'm not going to give up yet. Supposively, the apple cider vinegar is suppose to make the wart change to black and then it falls off. Mine has only shrunk so far.

I feel everyone's pain. Male's are the carriers of HPV and unless they have warts, most don't know they have it because there is no test for men. I was told that a lot of cases clear up on there own. Mine comes and goes. I have found that eating healthier lessens the outbreaks.

I know is not easy for u if I say this just live ur life like if u dont have it because is constantly in ur mind. But if I knew back then what I know now it would of been easier for me. I cried I was depressed because I thought it wasnt going to go away. But it did and all that stressing thinking negative messed me up. Now im dealing with a headachand body pain for over a year this is the aftermath for stressing because I swore that it wasnt.going to go away and it did. My doctor told me not to stress about it but it is hard. But at the end I wish I would of listen to his advice because it led me to depression anxiety and now I have fibromyalgia due to all the stress. So try to calm down I had the same feeling that u did especially when I would go to.the gyno to do treatment. My anxiety was bad. I was hpv negative by 3/11 and just dealing with trying to get better with headache and pain. Dont stress laugh and enjoy like there is no tomorrow

Befreetoday, Thank you for your words they do help a great deal. It is always comforting hearing from someone who has gone through this.

WulfGirl, I'm so sorry to hear of what you have been through. I also experience some insomnia at time due to me always thinking about this. I tend to over think everything. I think I've also developed a touch of Hypocondria. I'm extra sensitive and paranoid about the simplest ache, black and blue, bump or pimple.

me too. will be two years soon..i hate it. hate it. hate it. almost got rid of it for a short while...it is back full force again. i have been extremely stressed out recently with life in general...things have happened non hpv related that has shifted my world. i believe that is why i am back to where i started. mentally, i am a little better thanks to work and friends. but i have my days...like today when i still just don't understand. i cannot understand why this happened to me or why it happens to any one else for that matter. why is this the hand i was dealt? i become crazy on days like this. become obsessed with finding a cure for myself....searching the internet, reading these forums. going through all the emotions over and over like i did the day i was diagnosed. fear- i will have this forever. guilt- in the way i reacted...sadness- that i may have been the cause of someone else's pain...there is no way for us to know who, anger- that there is no way to know..i know it could be worse but sometimes i can't help feeling sorry for myself and then that pisses me off. i want to remember how i was before this. i know its long...if anyone reads it thanks...i needed to vent.

Hi Sam. I feel your frustrations. It feels like a never ending cycle. Just when you think you are ok boom something will set you off and your back to that initial fear. It almost like reliving hearing the news the very first time. I can't like I still cry every time my pap comes back abnormal. I just want a normal life again where I feel free to love again.

Is there anything you do to help ease the anxiety?

I've found that therapy helps with anxiety .. just to have someone to talk too but that I feel comfortable talking too. I sleep better now but I have those nights.