Maybe because he does not like doing things with you a lot that he really wanted to make an effort to do this with you. I do think it was odd during sex but just maybe he was trying to make you happy.

Sounds like to me he's being a jackass.

Sorry I wouldn't have been able to sit there. I would have jumped in the shower with him and gotten an explanation or smacked him or something. That is just wrong.

I would have jumped in the shower to finish what we were doing then maybe asked for an explanation then maybe a smack too.

uhm, suddenly went limp and too embarrassed to admit it? That's my best guess.....

Strange dude .. do it to him sometime & say ..do you remember when....
has he ever complained about women bein a dick tease?
hre was just teasin you with his.
but what an...

that was f''n mean of him to do that to you.

Sounds like he was getting back at you for something and was using sex to do it because most guys don't do what he did.

What an asshole. OK MAYBE he just wanted to do something with you, but it does seem like he's getting back at you for something? Just my best guess, very strange!

sunnyjax,

Personally I think that is abusive and controlling and manipulative.
He is being vindictive and punitive too. Basically it is as if he is teaching you a lesson in a sick way because he is angry with you.
Instead of him communicating to you how he is feeling he is actin like a total jerk and acting out his feelings. Seriously he needs to man up and grow up and talk about what is going on instead of playing this childish game. It would be a long time before I would want to fool around with him again. It would make a person not trust him. He is playing a mind game with you. I don't like it at all. I hope that you are able to talk to him and let him know how you felt when he acted this way. I would be very hurt and very angry if this was done to me. It is a mind game he is playing with you. Totally unacceptable and it needs to never happen again.

I am so sorry he is being such a jerk to you. Has this ever happened before? It is very controlling and very manipulative.
That concerns me. I hope that you will be okay. You did nothing wrong and this is not your fault.

Daisy,
He is a very controlling person and I did suspect this was part of some sort of 'lesson'maybe because I had planned something for us and it wasn't his plan. He often makes me late if I have an appointment and will always somehow manage to foil any plans I ever make!
I know how he is, but somehow cannot believe it - he makes out it is in my mind and I mis-interpret things.
So I wanted to ask your input to confirm my suspicions.

I did ask him about it.he said it was all in my mind..but the other is that he had taken a Viagra an our before so I know he wanted to play and had no issues with the uppity up! Thats what I didn't understand and why I felt rejected.
He messes with my head so much I can't tell what is ok and what isn't.

And you married him why?

papertrucker.he wasn't like this before we got married!

also hes an ex-cop so him being somewhat bossy and taking control comes with the territory. Sometimes it works, other times its really annoying! Its just the way he is, he was a copper for over 20 years - its like brainwashing!!!

Uhm, Look up "gaslighting"...... It seems like that's what he is doing to you. That is, he is doing things to you and then when you react in a certain way, he turns it all around and says he did nothing, that it is all in your head. If this continues, you'll get to a point where you doubt what is real and what isn't real. It sucks. (My mom has been doing this crap my whole life!) And yeah, you get to a point where you think you're going crazy.

This guy is an abusive ass. You're not a child. You don't need to be taught a lesson. You don't need to be "punished" for doing something wrong (in his eyes).

Get out?

I agree with 'bythesea' he is abusive, mind fucking is a major form of abuse, I'm sure alot of ppl are glad that's 1 less pig on the streets.

I used to know some really nice cops in a small town, but there was a few like your guy.
they'd screw women instead of giving em tickets or arresting them.

My x wife was mentaly abusive to me & physicaly to the kids.
After the last kid moved out so did I She never did comprehend what she did wrong, she thought we were all out just to hurt her, when we were only protecting ourselves. Of course I worried how she'd get along with me there, but I stayed with her too many yrs out of pity for her & protection of the kids. I found Hppiness again after I left her after many yrs of misery with her, yes there was good times, but the bad outweighed the good.

He is abusive, if you don't think so, look it up online or talk to some of these other ppl here in private.

the simple fact is, relationships aren't formed and strengthened by "giving each other lessons". it's about compromise. and if he's unwilling to compromise (regardless of any sort of abuse or control issues) it's not a good relationship to be in. i would say to sit him down and talk to him, but judging from what you've said, he's going to feel "not in control" and that's going to force him to either shut down completely or go on the offensive. i might start talking to a marriage counselor and if that doesn't work, i'd start talking to a divorce lawyer