Healthy Sex Support Group
This community is dedicated to an open discussion about healthy sex and sharing thoughts and feelings about sexuality and improving one's sex life. Most active adults desire to have an active and fulfilling sex life, both for themselves and also their partner. Here we discuss common sexual challenges faced by both men and women.
as a tool to get love. This seems to be what women do. And it seems men use a woman's love as a tool to get sex. Can we possibly reach mutual understanding???
Yes, If i could go back and so it again, I would have tried and waited before having sex.
I believe that true love lasts forever, although its form may change over time.
But anyways, back to the topic at hand. I've been in some relationships that were supposed to be purely sexual, and someone always winds up making it more. Granted, it's usually the female. But at least in my case, I handle it well. If I want it to be more, I'll ask if we're going to start dating or if we can, or whatever, and if the answer is no, it's no....and I can maintain the no strings relationship....if it's yes......then great. Either way I wind up satisfied....if I get emotionally involved and he doesn't, when it's over, or however it ends, I deal with it on my own with no whining or anything of the sort to him or anyone who knows him....usually keeping it to myself.....
And guys, yes, they do tend to use women's feelings to get sex.....which isn't healthy.
Who knows if we'll ever reach a mutual understanding.
I don't think you need to love someone in order to have sex or to just fuck - sex and love are two different things.
Emotional attachments aren't love. They are codepnedency. Can be even more dangerous than casual sex because they are a trick of the ego. Very deceptive.
What do you think personally truly enlightened by not seeking any relationships for today and forcing youreslf to be abstinent. Even if it is for small time periods, every time you do it, you could feel better about yourself.
You sound like you may have sex and love addiction issues. Don't take it personally. You are defintely far from being alone. Many people who even seem healthy are like this, but are in denial and progressively digging their grave with it in more ways than one. Fear not. It is nothing to be afraid of but defintely something to be courageous about.
Now it is possible for relatonships to be loving and codependent. That is most difficult part.
One easy way to tell, is that if you grow to be angry and frustrated in a relationship more than you increase your awareness, become more enlightened spiritually than the relationship probaly is more codependent than loving. It is also hard to tell what is what when sex is in the equation because the feeling of orgasm is almost exactly the same thing as spititual nirvana.
But, people have achieved a more constant feeling of nirvana where orgasm is never that.
Nirvana is also diffucult to achieve with people who are slaved by codependency.
Wanna improve your true love life ? Focus on spirituality and forget the sex.
Sex is optional in life and has nver nneb known to eally make anyone healthier.
It's great for procreation and cheap thrill. That's about it.
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying sex is bad. It is just often mistaken to be a problem solver. It is not a problem solver for much anything of really, but can really be a problem creator.
Look at the work stoday. It's obvious. Isn't it. How many problems are there in this world because of the abuse of sexuality and how many problems are tehre because of highly diciplined sexuality or abstinece.
If only I knew about this earlier in life.
If anyone was telling me I wasn't listening.
You are a wonderful being my friend. Know that and treat yourself that you are.
Your loving divine friend,
Robert
I too have emotions and have to feel some passion for the woman (in addition to lust) to get an erection and be into her. But when I hear of women using sex to get love, it aggravates me profusely, and reinforces my desire to stay out of sexual relationships altogether (and, yes, I have had sexual offers, and have taken some, but it ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS leads to this sex/love confusion, maybe because some women feel guilty that they're enjoying sex so much that they have to attach some other label to it so that they don't feel like sluts, when in fact they are sluts, and that's OK--I'm a slut too, and can admit it!).
Hey Robert are you a supernatural being or just holier than the rest of us?.....:D
But I do have to unfortunately disagree to most of your post..I really don't have time to dissect it to it's fullest . But...
"Sex is optional in life and has nver nneb known to eally make anyone healthier. "
I dont care about the typos I can read past that , but sex has been proven to make ones life healthier.
Now it may have not made YOUR life healthier.. and all what you expounded on is a direct result of your experiences in life.
Sex is at the top of the list of stimuli, that if harnessed, can be used as a creative force in art, and a fullness of success though out life.
i agree 2 many people play stupid games where sex is concerned and they play it 2 a sterotype....i cant b bothered with stupid childish games that people use 2 have sex with me
i can fuck
i can make love
but i would rather b seen as a person during it and not a sexual object 4 the other person pleasure...it should b equal 4 both partners
Understanding, I'm opening myself to flaming here, I belie\/e that many women ha\/e some type of ulterior moti\/e, be it conscious or subconscious (hence the sex = lo\/e dri\/el) and that most find it difficult to differentiate the two
I'm sure there are men with
the same issues, howe\/er it is far more predominant in women
LA girl - it appears you and I are a few of a rare breed, feelings are important, whether it is affection of some sort, I really can't just jump into the sack with someone that I think is hot, it's ALL about the CLARIFICATION ;)
Sex is a pleasurable activity for me and doesn't have to have anything to do with love. I had the chance to taje a goril i just met at a bar out of town to my hotel room. I only chose not to cause i didn't find her very attractive ,even with her feeling me up under the bar, otherwise , i would've nailed her in a heartbeat ! And i'm going back to that same bar again soon lol
When i meet and find someone that i want to "make love to" i will. Until then, i am happy with my FWB and casual one night stands.
We are all different. Some of us have to be emotionally involved in order to have sex. Some of us don't. To me, casual, new and erotic sex with a stranger is one of the hottest things you can do.
Only prob is for you ladies, in this day and age you really have to be acareful about the guys. As for myself, i'm always cautious, but i don't see anyone trying to take ME down or even trying lol
i have had sex with men who i knew i was not gonna see or only see in that a sexual capacity, and others were possible relationship material. as long as everyone knows where they stand, and there are no lies, or no one leads anyone on, then having sex if u so desire with someone and you are taking care of yourself, is not a bad thing. you have to at least like each other, IMO, to be with someone in a sexual way, wont go with someone who was an ass or acted like an ass.
but now i am married. have had FWB and boyfriends with emotional attachments. so LA girl and peres u r not alone, i have to have some attraction and respect for someone even if its just sex. but there would be no real love involved, and that at times, can be satistying too
I don't believe in 'being in love', but I like to think that I'm more than just an SDU (sperm dispoal unit) to my fellow bedmates. So yeah, I choose to wait for someone who gives a fuck about more than just my body.