There is nothing wrong with you. You are a high drive person and your husband obviously is not. Was it like this in the beginning? You need to confront the situation with him and see if counseling might be an option. Otherwise you might need to decide if this relationship is enough for you.

He has been like this from the beginning, I figured it was just because we didnt live together and had kids so there wasn't time. We never slept over so they were always awake(I am one to sneak off while they are playing or watching tv and have sex tho) I also thought it would get better with time. Like there is nothing I can do to turn him on or anything, I get turned on by the littlest things. When I try to grab on him or make out with him hes always like "ok now thats enough" like really!? I'm your wife. He doesnt think its an issue, he doesn't care that I get upset. There will be nights where he may have flirted back some with me and be a little more affectionate so I think I'll get lucky, and still nothing. So I masturbate and cry myself to sleep. I just started working a pt job, opposite hours of him so we see each other very little so I thought that would make him show more love and affection when we are together but nope. And last night I came home and the lotion bottle was by the bed....I know I masturbate but it upsets me that he would when he knows I'd give it to him day and night however he wants it. Just so frustrating. I keep telling myself its not all about sex but its affecting my every day attitude.

I tend to overthink things and I apologize for that, but is this just the physical act your looking for or is it really the emotional connection your wanting? I have always had a very high sex drive and honestly it was wasted for 18 years with my ex wife that had no sex drive unless she wanted something. I stayed faithful to her even though none of my needs were being met and there were a lot of other things tearing the marriage apart too. It was the other things (her mental illness) that did the marriage in.

You might wonder why I told you all that. The point is that Making Love ( the physical/emotional bond) is one of the keys to a healthy relationship and sustaining that relationship. Eventually masturbation wont be enough to please you and it already sounds like your husband is a selfish lover. If he ever reads get some books on making love or couples adult movies ( NOT the raunchy fuck fests) and watch them with him. So many people watch mainstream porn and think that is how it should be and then try to maintain a loving relationship.

Best of Luck

I mean I love the physical act but longing for the emotional connection just as much. Its just not there...I could care less about actually having sex if he showed some kind of affection towards me. Sit by me on the couch, come up behind me and hold me for a few seconds, hold my hand, kiss me with feeling and emotion, cuddle, come up and grab my boobs or butt lol I get nothing. I want to look at him and catch him staring at me, he never does. I catch more strangers staring at me then my own husband but I will catch him staring at other females and making his little 'mmhmm" noise. I'm not the most attractive woman out there, I'm overweight, and very insecure(and he just makes it worse) I dont get complimented unless I make a comment about it then he will compliment me for a while very sarcastically and say"I just want you to know that I do find you attractive, so you can't say I never do." I just want him to treat me like he is trying to win me.

your comment "trying win me" is a bit off but I'd attribute to his crappy treatment of you, his "I just want you to know that I do find you attractive, so you can't say I never do." is manipulative---very much so & deviously subtle, meant to erode your confidence, meant to make you feel like he's doing you a favor by loving you. He is one sinister creep. He's got you telling yourself how unattractive you are.

Hi, new to this site but felt I had to reply.. I have a very similar situation. Been married 20+ years and sex has never been as good or often as I would have liked but have always accepted this..it's not been easy to find the time or energy. But I do know deep down that I am the love of my hubs life and he has more qualities than just sex. Although I too have become very sad about the lack of intimacy we do talk about it occasionally and both agree it's not often enough ( a couple of times a year if I am lucky) so I would suggest u work out if everything else can compensate for what's missing x

Hello...
You are not alone...There are more of us going through similar circumstances. I am married for almost 15 years (the last 10 with no sex or physical contact) I gradually shut down and just figured I was to settle for this as the norm. (after all I did say for better or worse)

With my hubby I wind up giving and doing but get very little back. I feel more like a roommate.
It is very disheartening and it did convince me I must not have much to offer.

Then I answered an innocent chat...hello. I would go on to chat and share with someone very far away. All the things I desperately needed....compliments, encouragement, support... accepting me just as I am...the good and the bad (actually telling me it was ok to acknowledge that "naughty" side I was taught was dirty and helped free me from hang-ups and guilt.

So now, here I am with a newly flipped switch to turn back on that urge to feel and love and touch. There is so much I missed that I am thinking about all the time ... I do now have sex on the brain.

I believe you need to hear some of what I have that has helped me so much....That is to remember all your good qualities and not that there is something wrong with you .You can be attractive, sexy, playful and desirable without being a 21 year old size 6. And we do deserve to have that emotional and physical connection with our spouses. the fact that they have their own issues and either withhold or have to control us is on them. I wish you the best.

@veggiequeen
Thank you so much, I think I needed to hear that. I try telling myself its him not me, I mean I get complimented quite often and hit on by complete strangers....just wish I would get it from my husband too.

Hi again....
Now the trick is for both of us to focus more on all the positive feedback we do get from others and not allow our husbands neglect to dictate what we think of ourselves. How does that song go....You can't always get what you want......you get what you need. (It's unfortunate we don't get it from them..... but WE BOTH deserve much better and have to take it from whoever and wherever we do get it.)

P.S. It is their loss....(I just hope we don't go through the toys in the meantime.....Mine are dropping like flies...lol)

I am in the same situation, but roles are reversed. The lack of sexual drive might be from guilt of not having a high drive and seeing how you are might make it worse. He doesn't want to disappoint, but that's how he is.

In the same situation. I don't condone affairs but when you're in a marriage, you have signed a 'contract.' If someone is not fulfilling their side of the contract, then I believe that opens the door. I'm assuming your husband knows exactly how you feel.

He does,he knows what I want and how often I want it. He just tells me I am crazy and no one could keep up with my sex drive. He also says we are too old for crazy sex all the time(I am 26, he is 34) He would be happy with sex once a week....if that. I dont need sex daily but some sort of affection would be nice. He doesn't do the foreplay, doesn't cuddle, make out. Nothing of the sort. It is very frustrating.

I see your desire for sex, but your husband lack of sex drives make you act like addicted to it that is why tend to masturbate to fulfill your desire. Speak off with your hubby and tell your need for sex. There is nothing wrong with it. Couples need it to make the relationship better.

Making love is far more pleasurable than having sex, I suggest you try it with another partner because your husband, if what you say about him is true, is incapable of, you on the other are most certainly so. Personally I love foreplay more than the actual act of intercourse, pleasuring my partner is pleasuring me, win-win, yum yum mum.

@PeteMason I love foreplay more as well...there's just something about it. As for finding another partner, I'm not sure I can cheat...well I know I can, unfortunately I have several times in the past with others. But I am trying to be a better person, but it is very difficult when i knkw better opportunity is out There.