I agree, routine anything is boring. Your also not getting your fair share.

You tell him what your wants and needs are, tell him that you want to spice up your sex life for both of you.

He's not a mind reader, he can't know what you want unless you tell him so why do you think it will hurt his ego? Most partners want to pleasure each other, want to fulfill each other's desires but if both partners can't be open with communicating their wants and needs you'll get no where.

I've never had a partner's ego get hurt by me telling him what I want, how I want it, every man I've been with has been thrilled that I say what I want. I've never had my ego hurt by a partner telling me what he wants or how he wants it.

Being able to openly talk to each other about your sex life is the key to having an exciting, non-routine, non-boring sex life.

Have you tried just asking him , straight ?, I would expect my woman to tell me if she wanted something doing, as I am not claivoyant, and I doubt your other half is either ...

tell him what you would like to try. let him know what makes you happy. Ask him how he feels about what you want. Maybe there is something he wants to experience too.

read chapter 8 of 50 shades of gray out loud with him...

Anything to get out of the rut.

Damn, now I want to read Chapter 8.

i've tried to tell him but it ended up in an arguement. it always comes back to me not wanting to give him head which is not the case i just want to be reciprocated and maybe not have to give head as long. seriously i get lock jaw, my neck starts to cramp its not enjoyable at all. also he expects me to be the aggresor, sometimes im ok with it but i would like to be jumped every now and then. it makes me feel like i have to get him "ready" to fuck me like he is not attracted to me and it hurts my feelings, but god forbid i talk to him about my feelings cause then im just over reacting and being crazy.

Michelle, it sounds like he is very self absorbed. If he's not willing for discussions, that's not a good thing at all. Relationships should be a give and take situation, not all give by one and all take by the other.
I would try the discussion again. If it doesn't work, you may want to consider discussing the problem with a counselor before it goes on so long that one day you say enough and walk away.

Itson, you you would like chapter 8. :-)

I would find out when he's coming home and then have another woman going down on you when he walks in the door. That surely would work, no?

Or you could talk to him like Leather suggests. Both are plausible ideas in my book. ;)

thnks for the advice ms viv i will try it again, i would hate to leave over this after 12 years but ur right he is very self absorbed and not just in this area; one of my weaknesses is my eagerness to please others but i am beginning to see that i need to be just as eager to please myself. which ive been having to do alot of recently ;)

The key to a good sex life is communication. Which I believe everyone else here has also expressed. Other than your bedroom life, how is your relationship? Sometimes the longer we are with our partner the more we overlook the little things and how important they are. If we aren't taking the needed couple time outside of the bedroom, the bedroom life also suffers. If you are able to open up the communication lines with your partner in a nonconfrontational way, hopefully he will be more receptive to your feelings both in and out of the bedroom.

My husband and I have been married for 16 years. I attribute our good sex life to the open lines of communication we have always had both in and out of the bedroom. I find that the more time we dedicate to us as a couple outside of the bedroom, the better the bedroom life is. We make a point to set aside time for each other daily and we dont go to bed until we have spent time together as a couple. I feel like the physical connection is only a small part of what makes sex good, and that the stronger the emotional connection, the more desire we have to make sure the other is fully satisfied.

Wow, sounds like you're married to my ex. At one time I loved giving bj's, but when it became a standard requirement EVERY time and he wouldn't reciprocate at all, I didn't enjoy it anymore. And yes, I talked to him about it many times and it got me nowhere. This was just one of our many, many problems. I hope you can get it sorted out.

thnks awesomeself i also read a post of urs that said ur ex was a narc which i believe mine is as well i just dont know how much longer i can deal with this self absorbed behavior

I don't want to be discouraging, but I'm not sure narcs can change. :( first of all, they don't think they have a problem - kind of goes with the territory. I spent 18 years being "wrong" in every single disagreement, and it wore me down completely.
If there's enough love between you to make it worth the fight, try some counseling - but separately first. If you go together, he may very well have the therapist wrapped around his finger quickly, and you'll feel really trapped. If he says he won't go, tell him you're going anyway, and then follow through - it might force a change. Good luck, and you can pm me anytime.

I read number 12 and first sentence I made a mental note to self to not sell weed to your ex.,,then I figured it out.

lol itson!!!!